I am new to marriage builders. My husband and I just started with a MC today & she suggested it. I am so happy to have found this site.
A little history before I ask my question. I have been married to my husband for 7 years, together for 9 years & best friends for almost 20 years. I am only 28 years old so as you can see he's been a huge part of my life for a very long time. We have 2 wonderful children together, ages 3 & 5. He has had an affair once before, she was a one night stand kind of thing. I was, of course, destroyed by the first affair but this second one is not the same. It feels so much worse on so many levels. This time he lied to me for over a year, slept with this woman (if you could call her that!!!) AT WORK, the moved me & the children 650 miles away & left us to be with her for 8 weeks. After 8 weeks he called, begged to come home & lied to me to do so. I let him home & finally the truth came out.
I am just so angry! I love him so much. I love our family. I just do not know how to get past these feelings of anger. I am not a violent person normally but I feel like I could be at this point. I just have no idea how to control these feelings. They are so unpredictable! One minute I am crying and hurt, the next I feel NOTHING, then this overwhelming ANGER! HOW in the world do I get past this? I want to work on things with him & he seems to be commited to fixing this but the anger is going to kill any hope we may have. Any thoughts on this would be so helpful.
If you need more info to answer please let me know.
Thank you so much
Carolyn

Carolyn,

Welcome to the MB site. You will find this a good place for help, advice, support, and a place to vent.

What you are going through right now is normal. When I first found out about my FWW's A, I went through the same rollercoaster ride of emotions. If you read other posts on this site, you will see similiar stories.

This will pass with time. One thing you can do to help would be to start on a course of anti-depressents to help take the edge off your emotions. Another approach is to take an herbal supplement called SAM-e. I used the SAM-e on the advice of my IC and had very good results.

We are 5 months into recovery and I still have times where I think about the A. They happen much less often and don't last for long now. They are not nearly as intense as they were.

Please get a copy of Surviving an Affair and read it. I found it very helpful and it lays out a good game plan to help with rebuilding your marriage.

Vaya con dios.
Gordon

Carolyn ~

This is such a great site for advice and information. I came here in March when my life was at a very low point.

The feelings you are describing are normal to me. It is a roller-coaster of emotions. What helps me the most is getting reassurance from my H and exercising. Your MC will give you great suggestions on communicating about the affair and help you build a healthy marriage. I hope you found a really good one! This is when you need an excellent advisor.

Have you found a physical outlet for your anger? I found walking around the neighborhood is a great release!


Hugs,
Hannah

Carolyn:

Only 2 weeks since my D-day and just when I think the anger has expended itself, some other tidbit falls from the sky or occurs to me and the rage is just unreal! Can't seem to get a handle on mine just yet either but have found that doing something physical helps. I have gone on a weeding rampage and find pulling weeds by hand from the garden has some theraputical value for me.

Everytime I turn around my WH is being forced to answer the questions I keep uncovering, and while it is uncomfortable for him, he is trying. For 8 mts he made me miserable. missed my birthday, our anniversary and all kinds of disappointment and when I now review the phone bills and discover which weekends he spent with her I have to deal with the pain all over again. Not sure I will survive the time it will take to get over this.

I am desparetly trying to believe that things will get better and easier myself, so fully empathsize with what you are going through.