This board has been so helpful to me and my marriage. I usually don't post, but have been bothered by something and wanted to get the feedback of people on this board.
I went on a business trip a couple of months ago. There were several people that I knew from work who also went. One evening after meetings we all went out to dinner. It was a large group (about 15) and someone suggested we all go to a local, popular club. This seemed like a fun idea. It had been years since I have been out to a club. Well, since before I got married. Anyway, we all went out. I had a couple of drinks and hung around the other girls I knew. There were about 5 of us married girls and we stuck together. When one of us wanted to dance, we all went out on the floor, danced, acted silly and had a great time! So far, no problem.
Here is what has really bothered me...Two of the guys (that were married) acted in ways that seemed very inappropriate for married guys to be acting. After having a few too many, they started 'dirty dancing', for lack of a better word, with some of the single girls in our group. They both had shots..I forget what they are called, but the guys would put their face in her chest and the bartender served the shots to the guys from her mouth. And so on...lets just say they wouldn't have behaved that way in front of their wives!
We (the married girls) left after some time, but they stayed. They were both still dancing when we left.
Ok, I've seen the way guys act on business trips before, but this seemed excessive to me. I don't really want to know how their night ended, and have chosen to believe that they stumbled back to the hotel alone. I see their wives/children occasionally and the men act so loving to their wives when they are around them. But, they acted like total man-whores when they were away.
My husband and I have talked about their behavior and how it bothered me. But, heres the thing, my husband has to travel frequently with his job. I do trust him and he calls me when he gets back to his hotel in the evenings, etc. But, he often has tales about some crazy thing that some guy did, so I know that he is faced with temptations when he travels. I guess what bothers me is seeing that these guys I work with act so good around their wives, but like dogs away.
I don't want to talk about this alot to my husband and make him think I don't trust him. I guess I wanted to put it on this board so that I could get your feedback. You guys have such good insights. How do I send my husband on trips and not worry???

I read this in an advice column recently and it struck me as being very down to earth.

It is ethics, not opportunities, that prevent a person from cheating.

Just because your husband has and will continue to have temptations for infidelity, doesn't mean he will act on them.

Thanks, I like that. My husband said something similar. It just shook me up to see those guys behave that way. I never mentioned it to anyone at work, because there it seems like gossip. And, I don't know, maybe I feel like a prude for being bothered so much. I was a stay-at-home mom for several years and am just getting back into the work place.

You asked, "How do I send my husband on trips and not worry???" Have him keep his cell phone charged, and every time you feel anxious, call him.

I've been doing business travel for many years now. The guys you are talking about haven't done it for very long. You learn that you can't go out and party all night and then do business the next day--unless you want the competition to eat your shorts.

Hi RG,

There are plenty of people out there exhibiting not only questionable behavior but just plain BAD behavior and not to mention seriously hurtful and illegal behavior.We all know that.

But what you have to do,just like the rest of us,is be true to yourself and hope that the ones that you have allowed to be close to you will not harm you or betray the trust you give to them.As simple as that sounds,it's about all you can do short of being very aware of your surroundings,maintaining your values and beliefs and accepting that other's may not hold to high standards like you do but that you don't have to let other's influence you in harmful ways.

Right now,you can trust that your H is being truthful with you about HIS behavior while he is gone until otherwise notified.If I were you,I would just be very open and honest (a la MB) about your feelings on the matter and leave it at that.If he truly cares about you and your feelings,then he will not do anything to jeopardize your marriage for some cheap/sleazy bar thrills.

Good grief I do wish some people would just GROW UP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

O