Thanks so much for your kindness, Mel. Frankly I seriously do not even know if I want to save this M. Perhaps I really and truly want out of it but do not have the guts to just walk away and proof of the ongoing A will do just that. Perhaps...

I really feel used today.

Car

Car, you are not going to get proof. You have been through hell and back and still don't have it. But, you know he is having an affair. And this is one very slick cat. This is a man who would portray you as a nutjob to the police in order to cover up his lies. That is your H, Carnation. Carnation.

Please protect yourself from him.

Carnation..bless your heart...what a dilemna

First of all for your son...money is not the root of all evil...the love of money is the root of all evil.

I would be willing to bet this detective is a friend of the family. Otherwise, he wouldn't care one way or the other if they were having an affair. He has a stake in the situation.

Don't call this detecive again. You asking him if he thought your husband was involved with someone else wasn't the best question to ask. Think about it. Does he know your husband? It's her family where he's connected. It may have confirmed in their minds statements that you're obsessive and unbalanced.

Give it time and the truth will come out. Her family will learn the truth but don't expect an apology. They'll then say he had the relationship with their wonderful daughter because you are crazy. They'll find a justification for precious's behavior.

You're fighting a battle that has been pre-planned and there's no point in continuing the fight. Let time take care of the situation. The ONLY phone call you need to make is to Steve Harley. Do your best to step back and let the situation implode.

Thanks Mel. thanks for the kind honest words. I am beginning to think that I am in some kind of sick, weird movie, where I am the innocent victim.

This is all starting to scare me and sicken me. Yes, he is a slick one. Can you tell ? And what he (they) did today involving the police - is dispicable. It is like he is trying to drive me crazy. I mean really, not just using this term loosely.

I have told y'all everything that I can think of that has happened through this. I KNOW he had/is in an affair, I know it. And, I still think it is this one. The one that turned ME into the cops today. And he is going along with it. This makes me sick.

Carnation

You know Carnation, what you state above may be the truth. I am not saying that it is, but you may be onto something here. If it was ***me*** in your shoes, it might be what I was looking for. Although in the end, it is YOU and YOU alone who has to decide what to do. We can help you and support you, but if you get up and "go", or stay and "fight", you have to live with the consequences. It is much easier to give advice when one truly does not have to face the fallout from that advice.

I wish you luck in getting through this. It blows any way you slice it.

Sour.......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I guess what scares me the most is that he will convince you that you are nuts and are just imagining things. I think he would rather have you believe that you are nuts than ever tell you the truth. That will be the start of your ruination, carnation. That cannot be allowed to happen.

That is why I think you need to remove yourself from this situation. Don't make yourself available for ruination. You have the power to walk away and protect yourself. If you stay in this, carnation, knowing what you know, you will be a volunteer, not a victim. I don't see anyone else here that is volunteering to protect you, so that protection must come from you.

Carnation, please call Steve Harley.

Does he have access to your money?

jph - thanks for replying. If I remember right, my son and I were talking about greed. Which both of us abhor. Perhaps it was me just lecturing him, again. thanks for the input. But I think adultry is right up there with greed.

Yes, it would be wise to sit back and watch. But, meanwhile I am watching myself crumble. Thank God I got meds from my dr. today.

At this point I am not even upset with the OW, her dad or the police. My WH sickens me. This is very disturbing to me. This was a huge deal today. And he told me - he was in the middle of a situation - can he call me back. All day long he has remained very strangely calm. Unlike him.

Lemon - Thanks so much for the advice. I am so glad that you can agree with me that if I could just... All of my life I have always and I mean always been a *smart* one. I have met my match and then some with my WH. This frustrates me no end. So much would I love to get the goods on him and her and bid them good bye. Oh how I wish this would happen soon.

Thank you one and all for being there/here for me. This has been a very long hard battle I have been fighting for over one year. Will I ever find my peace ? I doubt it with this selfish, foggy, ....

Carnation

Oh Mel, your posts to me make me cry !! I mean every one of them. No, he does not have access to my money. We have been married for 9 years, and I will not, could not tell you how much of my money he has spent. In fact, the other day when he was in town for awhile, he had me take him cigs and groceries. Nothing unusal about that.

The volunteer and not a victim really hit me hard. How smart you are. I guess the truth hurts. I just so want to believe him. But -- today took a new and ugly twist. Y'all must agree with this. I will seriously think about calling Steve.

Thank you all so much. I am sure it is much better to get a clearer picture from the other side of this screen. Like we all knew that Gramn HAD to send the letters. He was scared and afraid of what would happen. But we could see the whole picture and had to keep on him to do what we could see was the best change at ending his problem. Is my situation as clear ??

Carnation

Carnation,
Check your cell-phone and see if you can lock the keypad.
A lot of the phones allow you to put a password on them so no one else can use them. If yours doesn't have this feature, I'd see if I can trade it in for one that does.
I have been following your situation. I think you have been receiving a lot of good support and advice from the others. It sounds to me that you may want to go ahead and see a lawyer and do something to protect yourself.
Or, maybe you should pack a bag next time he comes thru the home area and say sweetly, "I thought it was time for me to travel with you" wonder what he would do then? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
This is such a hard time. I will keep lurking and offer support if I can.
Texasgirl

carnation, no, your situation has not been as clear. I suspected your H was playing a cruel game of cat and mouse with you but wasn't sure. Now I am sure. He would rather portray you as a nut and let you question your sanity than tell the truth. To me, what he did yesterday spoke volumes and makes me think you need to protect yourself. That is why I wanted you to call Steve.

Steve can assess your situation with all the facts and see for himself. He has great instincts, and that coupled with the facts, could allow him to get a good enough picture to guide you along.

Texasgirl, thanks for replying. He does want me to go with him on the truck. I am supposed to be going at the first of August. Not sure if I want to or not. Really, I know I don't want to go, it's ok but gets old after a few days. But he really seems to want me to. I am playing this for all it is worth about now to get whatever I can get resolved before then.

He is out on the road with his own cell. (in my name so I have access to records)

I don't want to talk with him. Yesterday's fiasco sickens me and I need a break.

Thanks so much for all the advice and concern. He should be calling soon (again) I don't know what to say to him - perhaps I just let me stew and worry about what perhaps I have found out or I know. anyway, I know I don't feel like talking to his lying bu$$ for a while.

Carnation

that would be - let him stew and worry - it's his turn to worry for a while. Lord knows I have been doing it for a long time !!!

Maybe his phone shouldn't be in your name, either. What if he started calling her on that phone and she claimed that it was YOU harassing her?

DH's phone is in his name, but I have permission to discuss any business regarding his account, and I set up the online access, so even if my H was able to even turn the computer on, he couldn't stop my online access.

Go to plan B. You are being setup. Expect the fact that there are false charges brewing but know you have stirred the pot and your expsoure will prompt more stupidity but hopefully it w/b from the WS and OW.

take care.....rough ride ahead.

Hugz,
L.

FWIW, I don't think you are a crazy, lowlife trucker's wife. Nor do I look down on trucker's or their wives - my mom is a truckdriver's wife, and I LOVE to go on runs with my dad.

Good luck to you in this situation. I'll be praying for you.

Thanks for the reply. I certainly hope that I did not offend anyone with the way that was worded. It is just that you all don't really know me, and I was trying to describe myself so you could get a better picture.

I really, really need some help with my mini-plan B. I am wondering now if I could text him a message telling him that I love him but am in pain. What do you think about that ? should I stay dark and let him wonder ?

Yesterday's behavior was totally unacceptable. Please help me with this.

Carnation

STAY DARK!!!! Do not text him, don't call him. For your own sanity. I'm sure others will have more advice, but please, stay dark.

carnation, I don't think it would mean anything to him that you are in pain. I think you need to protect yourself from him, not expose your vulnerabilities. I wouldn't contact him at all, just go to plan B.

And I know you are not a low-life!

Thanks so much for the replies. Mel - I have been hoping you would show up !!

Doesn't Plan B call for a letter ? Or, does he know how I feel etc. ? I shoud just do nothing, right ? What if he calls me ? I have not heard ONE word from him since this morning when I told him I was upset and could not talk.

I thought this was perfect timing on my part (a first) after all that has happened. I would think he is in a world of pain, but maybe not. Maybe he is glad I am taking a stand. But, I must.

Still no word from Steve H. I called and the message said that they had summer hours until only noon. But do check messages from time to time. Of course, I have called them twice !

I wrote down some *key* things to tell him. Geesh, when I got finished with them, the situatio looks pretty umm.... serious.

Thanks so much for the compliment, Mel. Much welcome about now. More help please. Have I mentioned that he is a pretty big drinker ? Although I doubt that this had much to do with his A. He has always been a drinker. See little chance of change there.

Thanks y'all

Carnation