My husband and I have been married less than 6 months, and his parents are basically calling me selfish because neither my husband nor myself want to have a 'second' ceremony in their church of a different faith, which they are insisting on right now ... 6 months later. Our feeling is that we already got married once in front of God, but also, we found out from talking to a priest of his faith that I would only be able to get married in his church unless I converted to his faith. Which is not going to happen.

My husband and I are in complete agreement about not going through this 'second ceremony', but his parents got nasty with us, especially towards me, when we stoodfast our ground. I never particularly cared for his parents to begin with, but now I just want nothing to do with them. But, obviously, that's not going to be possible as long as we're married.

I just don't know what to do now. I don't think it's a situation that can be resolved because his parents are always going to be unhappy, and his parents are vindictive enough to never let me forget about it. I don't see how there's any middle ground with them being so indignant about the issue and so disrespectful of our feelings and decision. Does anyone else see any middle ground or has been in the same or similar situation. I just don't know what to. We can't just 'erase' his parents from our lives.

In-laws can be the bane of a marriage's harmony at times. The fact that your H is willing to stick up for your (you and him) decision is a good thing.

Has your H expressed to your parents that he does not want to do this thing either? Because it seems like the animus is directed towards you, yet according to your writing, the two of you are in agreement.

Perhaps the priest can help you with the parents, since you refuse to convert (a wise decision), maybe the priest can help them understand that it's not something that can be forced (the conversion).

As to erasing his parents from your lives, well, yes, you can. It seems harsh, but parents don't get special treatment in the abuse department. They have just as much of an obligation to treat their H's W with the same respect that they would expect to be treated by you. But the two of you, presenting a united front can just tell them that the decision has been made, and they have 2 choices. One is to accept it graciously, even if they don't agree with it, the other is that contact will be minimized until they can respect your (you and your H) decision.

In this specific case, the burden will fall on your H to be extra strong, and no going behind your back telling his folks that "well, she's just a little whatever..." and undermining your united front.

It is important of course, that you treat them with respect yourself and not stoop to their level. BTDT.

On the other hand, it seems hard to believe that this has just come up now, is this some kind of thing that they sprung on you after you were married and no mention of it was made during the dating phase?

Believe it or not, it was only briefly mentioned before we were married. Neither my H nor myself wanted to have the 'second ceremony' then either. (I simply asked, "Would we have two anniversaries then? Would we have to have our kids baptized in both churches? When would the insanity end?")

It's only coming up now because my H's brother is getting married in 6 weeks and his fiance *is* converting ... 100% ... no 'second ceremony' or anything. As is typical with the custom of their religion/church, their church refuses to acknowledge any other officiating clergy in their wedding ceremony, and typically refuses to acknowledge a 'co-officiating' title in any other church/religious sanctuary, therefore, and usually, the only option is for the fiance to convert. It's a cult if you ask me, but honest to God it is a Christian religion, and they aren't Catholic! I'm the Catholic, and my church welcomed them with open arms with no contigent for conversion or anything.

H's family has only gotten worse since my first posting, too. I simply decided and told my husband, that my contact will be *very* limited. It's obviously an 'oil and water' relationship, and I don't want that sort of constant conflict in my life.

What's really ridiculous about this situation is that H's mom is a huge gossip, and I'm sure she's told all of her old bitty friends in her church/community, know what's going on, so for me to go into their community now would be like a rabbit going into a fox den. It's really silly, and quite ridiculous. I can't believe I'm a professional woman in her mid-30's with an advanced degree who started her own biotechnology company has to deal with this silliness!

Thanks for the reply, though, I need all the words of encouragement that I can get!