Original Post is here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2752818

After more than a few comments from others, and my own personal thoughts, I have decided to try and work things out with my wife. We have had so many talks in the last few days, and as of last night we had made the decision to just be "friends". I have found out so many things about myself, knowing that I have never really been happy with myself or at least thinking that, and possibly my own insecurity, lot to admit to 100's of people who might see this. My wife has always suffered from depression and sometimes are worse than others. I know I must give up this OW, although my wife tells me that I have made a good friend in her and should not lose that. I myself know that she has fallen in love with me and hope that we could just keep each other as friends, but I can only guarantee that on one side, not her side. What do you all think, is this possible at all to do, or does she just need to be completely let go, so that we can move on? I do enjoy her company, but know that nothing will ever come out of it, if its a factor or not, we only talk of the phone and through instant messages, we never actually see each other. Thanks for all the continued support, you can bet im going to be posting more as this continues, cause i have no idea what to expect from this point on.

If you want to have a fulfilling, happy marriage, you must end all contact to the OW immediately and forever.

Naiser, things won't ever work out with your W if you are still in contact with the OW. Contact has to end now or all your efforts in your marriage are fruitless. Affairs are destructive to marriages and cruel to spouses and you can't expect to continue your affair and ever have any hope in your marriage. You can't withdraw from the OW as long as there is any contact. Staying in contact with the OW is cruel to your wife and the least you can do, if she agrees to stay with you, is to end all contact immdediately.

I would suggest you send her a no contact letter that is written with your W and mailed by your W. That will help somewhat in repairing the trust that you destroyed in your marriage. Here are some sample no contact letters: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018918;p=0#000000

Secondly, your W needs to learn how to meet your needs so you don't feel lacking in your marriage. A good start would be His Needs/Her Needs by Willard Harley. It is an excellent book that will guide you on how to fall back in love with your W. You could start by both of you taking the emotional needs questionaires on this website.

I might add also that continuing contact with OW, even on a platonic basis, is not doing OW any favors at all. You may think you are being kind, but in reality you are just prolonging the pain for her. Your goal is to restore your M. You will never be what the OW wants you to be. Release her so that she can find her happiness.

Thanks again, but this time I thank you all for being patient. I guess if I did a little more reading on this site that I would have been able to answer that question for myself. I really like the idea of the no contact letter, because I know I would have an almost impossible time doing by phone, just to hear her feelings being totally destroyed would not help my situation. I am going to ask my wife later today to help me with this. Look for more questions and posts after I actually do some reading.