They say without a plan you have nothing, they say without support you wont make it, can someone please send me a pm through here, I need someone, some people to keep me going here, and hope that doesnt sound bad, but without the support I will honestly give up, my mind is not at its best right now, and I need support. I will keep the forums open so I can see who if anyone will message me thanks

know if anything getting help for my depression would be for me and no one else. Though I am somewhat content with the way i am. I live with it. It is something that is there. and i believe it does not interfer with my everyday needs or life. though he does. so if i was to seek help who am i really doing it for.

In my opinion this is the direct resulting thought process of the fact that you TWO are not married...that there is no true commitment to a union or to being one...

married persons do things like take of their selves physically and emotionally exactly BECAUSE they are doing it for their spouses.....

it does not become a powerstruggling spitting match....
it is done and taken care of out respect for their spouse...

but you guys aren't married...so this independant powerstruggle of "I don't have to be the healthiest I can be" continues.....

I somehow make my H unhappy. he found someone to be happy.

this is just silly black and white knee jerking reaction to very bad news...and your pain...
understandable...but you are not listening to what HE is saying....

which is understandable because up until this day he has continued to be a snake <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

sinless I am riding you hard on this stuff...
and I know you are reeling from the pain.....
but the less time wasted spinning wheels...is better..
the more you can get yourself grounded and on a plan ..the better and in more control you will feel..

and don't worry cause my next post is all his...

ARK

its because I dont want you to hear me talking, why? because I dont want to have to be totally careful of every little word I speak wondering which one might just crush you any further.

are you ready to change this idiotic rationalization as your reason for calling the OW and whispering to her on the phone..with your SO in the next room..

are you ready to own if for what it is...

grossly disrespectful actions in which you would have been kinder to stick needles in your SO eyes than to call your girlfriend and WHISPER to her on the phone.....and to turn around and say you whispered out of concern and care to not hurt your SO any more is just proposterous....

can you figure out a new answer to that issue??

Write my NC letter and ask you to look at it and send it for me. Then I will stand behind that letter.

Make my life an open book to you, meaning give you access to anything and everything, so as to make you believe there is nothing for me to hide.

have you done these things yet...
and what is your real plan..

will the OW try to contact you..
what is your plan when she does...

new cell phone
new emails
spy-ware...etc...

where's the plan man??

Also know that there are no PMs enabled on this board...married people don't pm other married people...especially those in such pain and emotional crisis ..it's a bad mix.....

and it's a boundary needed in marriage...
you need some boundaries....

and here's the million dollar question

any children between you two..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

ARK^^

“””Yes I am the stronger person, who doesn’t show all his emotions and puts up the good front in front of you and everyone else making everyone think that all is ok and nothing is wrong, that is who I am, but inside it is furthest from the truth and you know this.”””

Being a stronger person has absolutely nothing to do with hiding your emotions. Actually it’s quite the opposite and something you need to look farther into. If it’s your tendency to hide your feeling then they build-up over time and sometimes come out as Angry Outbursts or deeply seeded resentments.

“””I know as well this will take time.”””

Also know that it takes the amount of time that she requires, no you.

“””This is what I am willing to do for you.”””

Though you said you’d do these things for her, it appears they are all things that would be best done for yourself.

”””1. Write my NC letter and ask you to look at it and send it for me. Then I will stand behind that letter.”””

OK, is that done? Has she read it? Is it in the mail today?

”””4. Love you unconditionally, because I do love you, and I will never be able to make this up to you, but I really do want it to work out for both of us.”””

Don’t make promises you can’t keep and it’s pretty much impossible, unless you’re Jesus Christ, to love someone unconditionally. So instead, why not print out the emotional needs survey and you both take it. Then vow to consistently meet her top 5 emotional needs along with removing all Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgments, Angry Outbursts, Annoying Habits, Independent Behavior and Dishonesty from your life.

”””Try and seek help for your depression, not for me, but yes so that I can see you a happy woman again, who loves life.”””

This is a serious issue. Sinless, you’ve stated that you don’t think it affects you or him but it is very serious. Alcoholics don’t think their behaviors affect themselves or others and that they can live with it. But seriously, that’s not the case. They, and possibly you, can’t see the affects because they are living in the situation. If you’ve admitted to having depression, are you getting help? Are you willing to get help.

Update: I spent so much time yesterday trying to resolve what was going on between me and my SO, that I forgot that at times actions speak louder than words. We talked for the rest of the afternoon yesterday and she still seemed so distant about the thoughts of us being together and trying to repair the damage that was done. Then she kinda clued me in, her comment rung in my head, "Well still havent seen you write that letter yet". I wrote my NC letter, and gave it to her to look over. She looked it over and said that I was being to harsh to this OW, and didnt like it. She asked me to rewrite in the way I would want to write it. So I did, she then looked it over again and asked me a few questions about it, and said this is much better. After that was done, she suddenly changed, almost like a 180 degree turnaround. She told me how much she loved me and we would work on everything and yes, things will be ok but it will take time. When the OW contacted me last night on the PC, I told my wife that she had, my wife came out and sat down with me and started talking to this OW, and told her that this was no longer happening and to basically stay out of our lives. I could not believe how things started changing last night, it felt really good to talk and share moments with her, and now I actually feel we have restarted towards that special relationship we once had. I know now I need to set up my plan, and stick to it. More to come and thanks everyone.

OK, great but let's nip that in the bud. How is she contacting you on the PC? Change your e-mail and screen name. Delete any and all contact information that you had for her cell phone, home phone, e-mail, etc... If you have e-mail at work, talk to your boss about changing that as well.

Last night was wonderful, next time it may not be so wonderful. So once again TAKE ACTION to protect your family and remove any temptation on your part.