I have been sick the past couple of days after having a spectaculer 14th anniversary.

Anyway, today, I get on computer to catch up w/ mail etc. and find my son regeistered on a site he is not old enough to be on. uploaded picture, the whole bit. It is an older teen site, (have to be 18 to register) He lied about age to get on. He wants so bad to have the privliges of being 16 or 18 but, he is not. I get on him about this stuff but mother does not enforce the boundries like I do. I know this was part of her EN about her mothering, but this disturbes me. I have been trying to get ahold of her to verify whether she knew, but have had no luck. Son is gone for afternoon. I am so furious because it is the same stuff over and over with him. But I do not want to get into old habit of punishing without equal decisions, but when we have different views on this, how do I approach it?


Update: W new of site, did not know of age restrictions or of content. Questioned me why I didn't ask son. I don't get it, if I ask him, I am going over her, if I ask her about it, I should have asked him. FEMALE HELP??? What does this mean, what should my response be??? arrgghhh.

there has to be some thoughts on this????

Well, here would be my response. "Son, KNOCK IT OFF!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just random ideas.

Can't you block addresse with your anti virus program?? Not terribly literate on computer stuff but I thought that was something you could do.

Is there an alternative sight that would be appropriate for him with similar interest?

Could put the smack down and install a keylogger, but it could force it underground. I am a parent that likes getting my kids to do community service if they do a big no no.

And depending on what the sight was, consider a compromise unless there is a way to lock him out of the computer.

And good luck. Raising teenagers is not for the weak at heart.:)

Oh, and then I would put a keylogger on there - without his knowledge - and a website blocker. Then tell him you will ground him until he is 60 if he breaks the rules again.

Yes, here is an idea.

You are at odds with your W about parenting...why?
OK, you both don't agree about some things, or you both handle situations differently...but why attack her parenting skills?

You and W need to work TOGETHER...it's not a competition to see who is the best parent. Next time this happens you call W with the news and then ask, "What should WE do?" rather than, "Did you know about this?" Blaming her is going to do NO good.

OK, well, 60? lol. Melody, believe me, I have said knock it off, even grounded from computer. The site is not pornographic, it is just not age appropriate, he 15 and people on it 18,20, college age. He had to lie about age to get on.
we go round about this.(two headstrong male)

SHMI, I do not think I am attacking her parenting skills, I just asked if she knew about it before I confronted s, and he said Mom said I can. Before, I would just confront son. So I am trying to involve her, not attack her. She does not necessarily ask questions about things, I know he did not tell her you have to be 18 to register, or that there were some not age appropriate pictures that was on his "friends list".

Both of our kids use us against each other, because our communication has never been the greatest, which we are in MC for and working on it.

I just believe children/teens need more boundries than she sets. I am too strict, she is not strict. so we are trying to meet in middle now.

That is why I asked if she knew. I did ask what we should do and she said talk to S. We will tonight, together.

It is just the fact she says I don't respect her parenting and when I try to change the way I go about it, she jumps on me for not checking W/ S. That is a part of my quandry.

The fact he wants to go where he shouldn't at this age, probably is pretty normal isn't it?

Then ban him frm the computer and ground his [censored] if he won't knock it off. If you told him to do something and he won't do it, then he should lose his computer privledges. Did you actually confront him yet and he has not knocked it off?

OK, I'm sorry, I don't explain myself well...I miss a few steps. My H and I get into problems sometimes because I sometimes expect him to fill in the gaps of what I meant, to read my mind. We joke about it. When we have a disagreement I say to him..."Man, we GOTTA get better at this mind reading thing..."

What I mean is, you ARE attacking her parenting skills, and maybe not out loud, but on your posts on here, and I'm sure it permeates your entire attitude when you talk with her about anything kid related. You don't attack her, but I'll bet she gets defensive when you talk with her about parenting...why? Because it is in your voice and attitude...you know more than her about parenting.

Here are some things to think through...

Men and women have different parenting styles and both are important for a kid to have in their life.

These 2 parenting style can work in synergy.

Every PERSON has their own expectations for what their kid will turn out...never will ALL these expectations come to be.

What I wish for you...that you and your W can sit down and have some very serious, honest, vulnerable ..discussions, without LB's, without the 'tude, respecting her parenting style too.

How do I know this...my problem is I don't respect my H's parenting style and have been LEARNING to work better with him...