Post deleted by KMEJ

Post deleted by KMEJ

KMEJ,

You have chosen to remain a victim in your marriage. You are in an emotionally, sexually and physically abusive relationship. There are 3 other victims in this terrible situation and they don't have to be. Wanna guess who they could be?

Rachel

Dylan, Lucas & Michael are good sweet little boys. When I am with them they are happy and energetic. I am doing the very best that I can to provide them with a stable happy childhood. That is part of the reason I am struggleing so with these demons.

When recovery started for me there were many times I felt unloved, neglected, not connected. I had to do things differently...I had to ASK for what I wanted in a caring way, but firmly. I had to ask in a way that let my FWH know how serious I was and how close I was to giving up.

Time to become assertive about YOUR recovery.

I have lost my calm a lot lately. Paitence have come short lately. When I am frustrated I do not sugar coat it anymore. I have been LB lately, partically because I feel like I have lost all hope, I have given up. Nothing has really changed, nor do I see it changeing anytime soon. I have been more assertive, however I fear it may have been taken as a LB. Besides I am tired of having to ask for a hug or a kiss; shouldn't that stuff come standard?

That stuff should come standard. And with you facing your health issue, I would think your husband would be a little supportive. How many more years are you willing to sleep with the enemy?

I had to sit down with FWH and tell him EXACTLY what I thought was wrong, and EXACTLY what I needed without the anger and LBing. That is how I did things differently than before. I EXPRESSED MYSELF differently.

Write it out if you need to, come up with a plan. POJA.

KMEJ, I know you, like so many of us, desperately want this marriage to work. StillHere has a good idea of setting the boundaries for your recovery. At this point, you really need to think about your boundaries. Is your boundary to allow yourself to be treated like a prostitute? Are you the maid as well as the bread earner? If you are sick and your life is at stake, should the man you love be unconcerned?

If and when recovery happens at my house, I know I want to make love to my husband. I do not want to have a SF where there is no connection. I might as well be paid for the act if that's what's happening. I want my husband to take responsiblity for our children and our household. If he's home first, I want him to start dinner. I want him to be concerned about my wellbeing. I don't want somebody around who feels they can act crabby with impunity.

If my WH becomes unWH but can't meet the boundaries and expectations I've set, well, it's time for a new relationship.

My father was an abusive, controlling man. He made my mom's life really hard. She took it for 51 years until they separated. (long story) Three of their 6 children had or have controlling spouses. Perhaps borderline abusive. That's what we were raised with. That's what we expected. That's what we got. The other three are married to people whose parents had balanced, healthy relationship. These 3 have pretty good marriages.

Sorry but I'm going to shout this at you: CHILDREN LEARN FROM WHAT THEY SEE! THEY NEED TO LEARN WHAT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE. I BELIEVE IT IS FAR, FAR BETTER TO BE BROKEN HOME THAN TO BE IN A FAMILY THAT IS TOGETHER IN IT'S UNHAPPINESS.

GET THE HECK O-U-T OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. IT NEVER CHANGES.

Post deleted by KMEJ

He does WHAT during SF? Covers his face? Watches TELEVISION!? Good god, KMEJ, this is tweaked! Do you know that I'm twirling my index finger in big circles around my ear right now?

KMEJ, your H is kinked and not in a fun and sexy way.

GC