whisper28 - Sorry, blame someone else. I just find it sad, very sad - not just for the WS's we lose, but also their BS's whose limited hope we just dashed. Darnit!
I don't expect you to understand, but the sin that Catherine and her Pastor Husband have been involved with is first a sin against God. That is who they both (as Christians) need to address before they can address their own issues. The "what" and the "how" begin with confession, repentance, and submission to God, seeking His forgiveness.
Once a person has truly accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, they surrender the "throne" of their lives to Jesus Christ, who is not just their Savior, but is their LORD. God's commands come first and are to be obeyed. Since we are still quite capbable of sinning, God also provides the way to be forgiven and restored to a close walk with Him. But it REQUIRES the individual to willingly surrender their will to His will.
If anyone chooses to leave, or to not post, it is their decision. There can be many reasons for someone not posting, but your accusation that someone is "driving" them off the system is uncalled for. It almost smacks of those who are currently saying "be easy on the Terrorists" because WE drove them to it.
Personal responsibility and accountability for our actions take precedence. "Fence sitting" is what most commonly comes from appeasement, and most of us who have been around for a while recognize that.
Can a particular "style" be received in a way that was unintended? Sure. But again, we cannot read anyone's mind anymore than we can know their heart. How someone perceives something is dependent upon them, not the speaker.
You are disturbed by Catherine's lack of presence, while I was more concerned about the porn problem of a shepard of the flock and the apparant justification of an emotional affair by Catherine.
Rest assured that present or absent from MB, GOD knows where they are and what they are doing and what will be needed to find them and lead them back. If it entails MB, they will return. If not, then God is quite capable of providing the support that they need.
Whisper, understand that we all want to help others to "find a way back" or to "save their marriage." Unfortunately, not all are successful and not all respond to the help that is offered or to all respondents. Some people "click" better with others, but in ALL cases, it is the "seeker" who decides what is "good" or "bad" advice according to their own perceptions and needs and NOT the perception of other respondents.
It is particularly difficult in the area of faith. As a Christian, advice must be centered in, and in accord with, God's revealed will as recorded in Scripture first. That is not to deny other factors, such as feelings, but it is to prioritze that God comes first and human "reason" or "feelings" come second.
Again, I simply ask that we please focus more on how to guide a WS to recovery more so than just why they should recover.
The HOW for a Christian BEGINS with surrendering our will to God and by following His commands in humble obedience no matter what we might be feeling. After that commitment, we can get into other steps that will help the healing process, but without a commitment to obey God first, it is futile to expect and change, much less a recovery. We, Christians, are no longer our own. We are "bought and paid for" by Christ. We CAN run, He WILL let us, but we will not have any of the blessings or promises that God can provide to those who love Him while we are in willful disobedience to His commands.
And just for the record, there are many who have come and gone, many who are currently posting, who I don't post to.
I have a limited amount of time and tend to reserve that time primarily for fellow believers who are going through trials and tribulations. There are others who are not Christians that I have posted to, but I tend not to bring up things like "obey God" as a "step they need to take." Fortunately, there are many on the system who are willing to "fill the gap" in posting to the many in need.
I hope that doesn't overly offend you.
