How do I go about helping my grown son get the self confidence that he needs to get a job other then at a convenience store?

He is very bright IQ of a genus, just no commom semse. Is really into computer games and would like to write them. Has some college behind him but not eough didn't do summer school but now wants to do an online degree.

Has milked my parents for everything in his college fund plus some.

Is ok with working 10-15 hours a week, (more time for computer games and friends) until his wife gets on his butt or money gets tight. Works what he needs to but nothing more. I think that he should have 2 summer jobs so that he won't have to wwork so hard in the school year.

I try so hard to stay out of all this, I do not nor will I give $$$ to him will help them out and let them shop in my pantry, when needed. They are probably close to losing their apartment, I've said that I would not let them move in here as that just enables him to continue the behavior, that's what got him booted from here 2 years ago no job or few hours. Give me a break we live in a tourist area where they send for kids from out of country as they cannot find enough locally to work the jobs.

I just don't get it!!!!! I am frustrated, when will he truly grow up?

I just found out from OD that I am to be grandma again in March, that will make the 2 little ones 18 months apart, what was she thinking? UGH!!!!!

I feel like the white stuff in an oreo, as my folks live across the street and my mom needs to have hip surgery so badly that she can barely walk again and she is too scared, she's had both knees done. Get over it, get fixed and stop whinning!!!! But again I try and stay out of it and keep my mouth shut, but they all keep bringing it to me!!!!!

And then I have a 14 year old daughter, need I say anymore? And I got involuntary transferred back to Special Ed aide for the coming fall!!!!

But I had a really neat experience yesterday, I went to one of the Indian reservations to teach crafts for the VBS program there thru church and they loved the crafts that I had designed. We had one little girl come up and say that she had never heard about Jesus and thatnked us for sharing with her.

I try so hard to stay positive and stay around positive people but then you have family!!!!

Any thoughts, help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!

I do get to leave next Thursday for my annual retreat up into the Big Horns with a group from church camping in tents and hiking all day, I am looking forward to that!

Thanks all I just needed to get it off my chest, that's one of the things I miss about marriage, the sounding board!!!

Dawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Daybreak:

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Don't have any advise as I don't have any children of my own.

Good luck!

Only

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DAWN}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry, I know what it's like to have your hands tied like that and stuck in the middle. It probably comes from the fact that your marriage was so dysfunctional and kids with an alcoholic father.

I have similar issues although my oldest follows the typical oldest child of an alcoholic pattern, overachiever who is very selfish, but otherwise all my kids have me pulling my hair out also.

Best thing to do is get family counseling, but that is easier said than done, I havent been able to get my kids to go either. Al-Anon for them is also good as they help you deal with issues as adult children of alcoholics.

Not too much advice to offer you that you dont know about already, but LOTS of support. Take care

Smiles,
Dawn (AOL IM.....dkmarro)

A coworker's son is graduating soon from a college that trains people for computer game development. I think the name is FullSail college and it's in Orlando, FL. She said they have a 100% placement rate. He's graduating with his bachelors in August and absolutely loves what he does.
He temped at our office doing regular computer stuff and was bored. He found his niche, perhaps your son should pursue his.

Niche, newly that's a good word for "Butt in chair in front of screen" I like it!!!! I know what he needs or wants to do, getting himself there is the problem. He has burned all of his college $$ up and no one is willing to help him as he doesn't help himself. He just wants, he's a want-a-be.

Dawn, I am sorry I don't know where you thought his dad was an alcoholic, hes not he just wasn't there as he was traveling for the Air Force most of the time.

Humble thanks for the support like I said I just need to get it off my chest last night., It's alot to have to set on by yourself.

Off to get my hair cut this morning!!!

Dawn

Dawn..sorry I dont know where I got that idea..I thought our sitch was similar, but I guess it was just the age/length of marriage and former occupations LOL

regardless, family counseling may help. They probably even have an intervention for this type of sitch. How is his wife reacting to this situation?

Is there a public technical school in your area? From what you said, he may qualify for a Pell Grant if he hasn't already had one. And a lot of schools have counseling center's.

You say he had a very high IQ but yet he is an underachiever. Video games are very high cerebral stimulation. Perhaps he may have a learning difference, such as ADHD. Is common among the very bright. Is common among the video game set. They do well with them because of the ability to handle the variety of stimulation.

At any point, I think sticking with the logical consequences line of thinking is a good idea. So, if you don't work, you have no money. If you have no money, you can't pay your bills. If you don't pay your bills, your credit rating gets wrecked and you lose your apartment. If you lose your apartment, you can't move in here. If you can't move in here, where will you live.

Let's not even go to the part where he promised to love, honor, and cherish his wife. How is he displaying that?

As for your daughter, I know she thought she was old enough to get married. Did you ever have the birth control talk with her. What about accompanying her to the doctor? It's not too early for her to start making plans about birth control for afterwards. (Personally, I love IUDs. I got my first one when I was about 21. Had several. Had no trouble conceiving when it was time. Either time I chose to conceive. Have had 2 since youngest child was born. Think the latest one may take me well into menopause.) If she is expecting second child, she may think 2 is enough and may be able to find doctor or b/c clinic that can give her good advice on what to do so that this won't happen every 18 months. Congratulations, though, on that news. I have a friend whose first two children are 14 months apart.