Alph -- are there usually lots of pple attending the concerts? If so, then the sudden fallout wld most prob due to your exposure!
However, I do not know if it'll make a difference or not.

Just like.. after I told my spin to MIL, I do not know if in the end, there will be any major difference or not. I do know that the moment, there will be discomfort for the affairees, but after a few weeks/ months, things may just very well resume as per normal. Some people are just too much in the fog and can justify themselves into & out of anything!

~A

They are usually well attended. WH was quite shocked at how few people were there.

Not even his 'friends' at the school attended.

But this major statement makes little difference to someone who is so convinced he is in the right.

Everyone else is wrong - that's all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

It does sound like there's a fallout then! At least there was some impact, as you were wondering what had happened to your letters.


~A

I keep wondering.

What if WH never shows any remorse for what he has done?

What if he always thinks that leaving us for the OW was the right thing to do?

You can't forgive someone who isn't sorry. How could I move on with my life?

Is it possible not to forgive, and still move on?

Alph.

Alphin-

I am in R and have not seen as much remorse as I would like. He states it is partly because he is still so angry with me. I said the same thing you did,"If you never show me remorse, I don't think our M will survive. If you are not really sorry, then you are at risk for repeating the same mistake again with OP or someone else." I have seen some remorse. BobP said he had to wait a whole year to get his apology, so I am hopeful at some point I will get a heartfelt one (I did on D-day). And, my sitch is different than others too.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone in needing to see remorse.

"What if ..."

the question we ask ourselves to drive ourselves nutz.

If your WH never shows remorse .... then it is 'move on' time.... would you really want to invest your life in such a pit of selfishness with NO HOPE of climbing out?

but ... since you are not 'there" ... change your focus to what you can do TODAY to make yourself

stronger
wiser
more meaningful
more compassionare
more self-aware
more responsible for your own colors

"what if" <--- the method for evading the ---> "what now" in all of us.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Start by looking inside and beginning to understand, then forgive, then repair yourself Alph.

"moving on" is an inside job

Is it possible not to forgive, and still move on?


I have a strange interpretation of forgiveness that, for a Chrsitian liek me is possibly more secular than most.

Forgiveness is an entirely practical acceptance that NOTHING can make up for , or undo the fact of Squid's betrayal so it is a waste of good cycles and pain to keep searching for new punishments to try.

Her affair was in the past and cannot hurt me more whatever I do. Nothing she could do could undo it, or compensate me for it.

So after a lot of thought I released my RIGHT to seek compensation over this. I broke my sword over my knee.

It allows me to lay down the righteous indignation I felt. It allws ME to function normally.

now if there was something that WOULD compensate for a crime against me, I would not forgive with that not done or attempted.

But in this case...it makes practical sense.

In your case, WH reinforces his insult to you and the kids with every breath.

i could not forgive that. Would not.

Poor DD5 had another vomiting session today.

She had been complaining about feeling ill earlier, but I put it down to the fact that I asked her to tidy up her bedroom.

Then, when she was out with WH, it all came up and out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

She had had a few of these episodes since WH left. I suppose it could be a bug, but I don't think so. She is distressed, and she feels it in her stomach.

DD12 told me that DD5 was sick all over WH, too. Good for her.

DD5 is sleeping on the sofa now. She looks so small. I still can't understand how WH could leave her and go back to OW.


All I can hope for is that the A will end! Even if we don't reconcile afterwards, there will be huge comfort to me in that.


Yes. I have to get rid of WH from inside to start the job, though. Guess that's where plan B comes in, eh?

Alph.

"the inside job" has no beginning and no end .... the time is always right

Plan A is just "ok" until the BS really grabs ahold of their own weaknesses .... shakes out the cobwebs of habit ... and moves on self improvement .... then ... their Plan A takes on a whole NEW *sparkle and shine*

Yes. I have to get rid of WH from inside to start the job, though. Guess that's where plan B comes in, eh? [/quote]

softly .... 'moving on' is unavoidable ... time moves us along

To me 'moving on' is NOT about getting rid of your husband (whom you still love by the way, no matter how much you protest, it is obvious)

'moving on' is all about YOU getting the most out of life

especially during the difficult rough spots

make the most out of every crappy thing that happends

THAT is 'moving on' [color:"blue"]with style [/color]

Hey, who told?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Moving on is coping with day to day mini-disasters like projectile vomiting over clean bed sheets (old sheets still in washer, no more sheets!)

Moving on is asking DD12 to help me clean up rather than WH.

Moving on is looking forward to taking a holiday in the sun with good friends and wonderful children.

Alph.

'moving on' is also being real

telling your H that although you are angry with him and you think this affair is lethal poisonous gas he is allowing his wife and daughters to inhale....

it should be said to him occasionally....

"I love you" .... and "please stop this affair and come home"

I have put DD5 to bed. Poor little thing, nothing at all left in her tummy, and even drinking water is making her throw up. I feel so guilty that I gave her a soft-boiled egg for breakfast this morning - maybe that made her sick.

WH did call this evening to see how she was. I wonder if he was wishing he could be here helping me to look after her? Or whether he wished she was over there with him and Omelette, the two of them looking after her instead.

I have to stop this. No more 'I wonder if'. It acheives nothing and just makes me miserable.

I'll think instead about what I can do with the girls tomorrow if DD5 is feeling better. Perhaps a picnic in the park - she's bound to be hungry!

No eggs, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Well there's your problem! You fed your DD5 a soft boiled egg, and you call the OW "Omelette!" - Time to find something other than eggs to feed her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

LOL!

*crosses eggs off shopping list*

Alph.

Poor DD5.. is she feeling better today, Alph?

~A

She is much better today, thank you Ashley.

She woke up early, feeling very thirsty! Lots of dilute juice.

She had a small slice of toast for breakfast.

No egg today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Worked with a lass this morning in Edinburgh who has her ex husbands face enamelled in the bowl of her en suite toilet.

She is able to make her opinion of him clear whenever nature calls.

Not grown up or clever but VERY funny !

hahaha bob .. that's really funny. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Glad to hear that DD5 is doign better, Alph!

~A