So this is why he insists we will still be friends after the D?

There was a program on BBC1 last night my mum told me about - Battle of the Sexes or something? I watched the first one of the series, but missed the last two. They were trying to work out which couples would make it, and which ones wouldn't. They also talked about the drug rush to the brain that occurs when you first fall in love.

I didn't watch it because I wanted a break from 'relationship science'.

I watched Poirot With DD12. That was all about infidelity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

What can you do?

Alph.

So this is why he insists we will still be friends after the D?

Yeppers

Sometimes, if he hasn't been able to phone the children in the evening, he's texted something like 'Sorry I can't call - kiss the children for me.'

That is almost intimate, IMO. That is something you text to someone you care about, someone you are close to. He would text me something like this when we were still a couple.

Now, I find it offensive in the extreme, to be honest.

Alph.

I can understand that.

The very act of his sending 'love' to the kids by proxy, is an act of neglect yet he wanst to assuage his guilt.

He wants to kiss the children, he can AT LEAST call them, BETTER come visit them BETTER twat out the OW and work on his marriage at home.

What he seems to be saying is:

" I love the kids

Just not enough to:

Call them
Visit them 5 minute up the road
Provide them with a chance of a proper family life

It IS insulting. Truly.

My mom used to say " What you care is what you do".

Go figure

Your H is NOT indifferent to you . Bob's analysis is correct.

WH is back from Jersey and is coming to take our cats to the cattery tomorrow. He will also take the girls out before we fly on Wednesday.

He is going to be coming around here when we are away to take the last of his stuff - papers, some books and the bike he bought last year and hasn't ridden once yet.

He will also begin D proceedings, if he means what he says.

I am ready. If he files or not, I will begin plan B when the girls go back to school in September.

Alph.

Most men like to "fix stuff". I think by pressing on the D and the separations and what nots, they feel as if they are in someway "fixing the problem".. even though it's not actually fixing it! Coz it's the practical way to do something without facing up to the guilt/ pain/ abandonment, etc etc.

That's what my WH has been doing. Pressing abt the sep agreement. After he told me not to tell my MIL abt the OW, the next msg was pressing me about the sep agreement. As if the two issues had something to do with each other. And that by being legally sep, he feels he can no longer change his mind and hence, will feel less guilty.
That's why I think they do what they do.

You shld enjoy yr hols as much as possible! Show us lots of pics.. and we'll miss you on the board!

~A

Hi Ashley.

My WH has never been good at fixing stuff. I remember once he tried to do some rewiring in the kitchen so we could put a new light fitting in.

We put the new bulb in... it came on straight away. I flicked the switch - the light stayed on. It was an ever-burning light. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

But I know what you mean. It is a man thing, but more a WS thing. The first talk we had after WH left, I was sitting on the sofa, crying. WH sat down smiling, and said 'Lets talk about the D!' Such sensitivity. He thought it would be good for everyone if we all had a 'fresh start' ASAP.

I wonder if he wants to marry the Omelette? If he does, I imagine they'll probably get married pretty soon after our D. They certainly haven't shown any hesitancy in any other way during the A (getting together, leaving me, moving in together, forcing themselves on astonished relatives etc) so why wait???

I doubt I'll be invited.

What gift could I send? Suggestions on this thread, please. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

By the way, I had a most satisfying dream last night...

I had the Omelette by the hair, I was kicking her in the shins, and screaming 'Puta! Puta! Puta!' in her face.

*sigh*

I'm really not a violent person... I think b0b Pure is having an influence on me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I had the Omelette by the hair, I was kicking her in the shins, and screaming 'Puta! Puta! Puta!' in her face.


That sounds like a most suitable wedding present ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If Squid had married OM I would have sent a slut-a-gram, or afat bloke-a-gram to read out my 'best wishes' to the assembled congregation.

This may surprise you, Alph...but when i try I can be quite wounding with my words ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Or maybe i'd show up on mate Carney's ratbike Harley in my terminator gear and shoot the lights out.

What a lovely train of thought !

I will relish the opportunity on my way to Warwick today ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok, here's my first idea.

For the Omelette: An exquisite sexy underwear set, the knickers of which have been liberally sprinkled with itching power and live crab eggs.

Alph.

Why not smudge a bit of really hot jallapeno in as well - i've grown some at home this year and they're really really hot!!

What a fine idea - I'm sure Omelette would appreciate that detail!

The best thing about this gift is that the experience can be 'shared'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Alph.

Wh has just taken the cats to the cattery and the girls out for a final play before we go tomorrow.

He gave me such a strange, long look when he came in today. I wonder what it meant. I'm not sure, but I think I saw a glimpse of H, trying to look out of the WH's eyes.

Perhaps it was just my imagination, but this is the first time I've thought this.

He's either thinking:

Alphin's going to be a bad girl in Spain - she's going to find someone very young, very dark, and very handsome and I've got no right to feel this way but I'm just a tiny bit jealous about that:

or

Alphin is plotting something to do with the kids - she's going to take them to Spain and I'm never going to see them again.

or, perhaps a combination of the above.

Thing is, WH isn't the jealous type - he never has been. I think he's really just worried about the girls.

Or, perhaps he is still angry about exposure.

I sure can read a lot into a single look, can't I?

Alph.

Have a wonderful vacation, Alph. My bet would be on a slight bit of jealousy.

Certainly does not seem your H is "indifferent" ....

Plan A your brains out right now Alph.

Plan B is just around the corner.

I am mad as he//. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Sorry Pep, but Plan A is out the window (again).

Here's some history. Shortly after WH left, he and OW went to Spain to meet her parents. WH brought back some (admittedly very nice) clothes from the girls. They loved them!

Only later I found out they were from OW.

Today WH took the girls to the cinema. When they came back, DD5 was holding a bag, and said: 'I got some presents from OW!'. There were some kiddie pencils/pads/games etc for the airplane. Barbie etc.

When WH had gone, I sent him a TM:

'Tell OW to stop bribing the children'.

He replied:

'It wasn't a bribe. OW was given them and thought DD5 would like them.'

I replied:

'Of course it's a bribe - like the clothes were a bribe. If she sends them anything else before they meet her I'll throw it away and tell them why.'

OW was given them??? Why would someone give a 28 year old woman a Barbie pad and pencil set??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

They are so full of sh*t, I just can't believe it. Bribing my children!!! Then lying about it like damn cowards. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I am not going to let this spoil my holiday. But what, if anything, should I say to DD5? She loves the gifts, of course. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alphin, IMVHO I think it is time to tell your children some of the truth. Daddy is doing things with OW that only married people should do. He loves you and will always be your daddy but he is not acting like a husband should.

Hi Faithful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

DD12 pretty much knows the score already. But it's a hard, hard thing to tell a little 5 year old child.

I have no qualms whatsoever about trashing the OW to DDs, but then by association Daddy is tarnished too.

I know I'm weak about this. But the girls love him so much - I can hardly bear to explain this.

Alph.

Go buy some replacement pencils, paper pads etc. Better yet, take your DD with you and have HER pick out the ones she wants.

Tell your DD that you would like to have the one's OW gave to her.... to donate to children who don't have very much.

Then, trash the stuff ... or donate it.

I would not tolerate any of it in my house.

Same thing goes with the clothes too ... if you can replace items with adultery fingerprints on them, do it.

And in the future, inspect everything they bring home with them ... and send anything suspicious back to their father.

make it a boundary that you only act on, you do not discuss further.

he will test this, be certain of it.

The fruits and goodies brought into your children's lives via adultery ... are eliminated. No discussion.

Just dump the crap .... every time.