I am pretty sure that y'all know how grateful I am for all the support and adivce. Yes, I am listening. finally

After ignoring three calls and three messages this morning, I called WH.

He saw my caller id (house phone) and said Hi baby. I proceeded to say this - and in a calm voice -

I am very upset with all that happened yesterday. I don't want to talk to you right now. Like I said, I am very upset but I wanted to let you know that I am ok and I need a little time to calm down.

He said in a sheepish calm voice - ok

I said - I will have to talk to you later.

I do not remember if we said goodbye or not.

So - what do you think about that ? A start, right. I am very pleased with myself. I could not just keep not answering his calls. But, on the other hand, I do not want to talk to him.

I want him to just think about all of the this for awhile. I was very vague in not saying what exactly I am upset about, so he really has no clue to what is my real problem. Also, he does not know if something new has happened to upset me or what I may be doing about all of this. Him and OW should be wondering. As you all know by now, I will stop at nothing to get this solved one way or another. So this silence I hope speaks volumns !

Between the cops calling me, him saying in the middle of all of this - I will get back to you, I have a situation right now, calling me private party or calling card - AND not getting angry about any of this !! - I have had it.

We talked briefly last night, he had been drinking, and not one word was menioned about any of this stuff. We talked about my D's new job, nothing really. I had another call, he said, call me back, I did not, he called and left a nice message. And I once again talked with him in the above call a little while ago.

I feel strong here. Help me along. You know I could blow this but frakly I am losing desire.

Help please. and thanks

Carnation

Any other resources available to you to get more proof? Cell phone or email records? Considered hiring a PI?

Time for Plan B? When does he come home? Time to sit down and talk with him about what happened and how you are feeling. Treat him well, talk about the M, and then move to Plan B...this may take some time...a few days...a few weeks...a few months, however long it takes for you to get your ducks in a row.

SHMI - Thanks for the reply. I think I am done getting or trying to get evidence. And, I can not talk to him about any of this. He just denys it every single time. He always gets very upset when I bring up anything at all about an A.

But he sure is being calm and nonresponsive about yesterday's big mess. Oh - when he called me yesterday, right after the police had called me - and asked me if the cops had called me, he then calmly asked me if I was going to be done calling these people, if I was going to now leave them all alone ?

Now thinking about it, this was very unlike him to say it the way he did. Almost like some kind of fog talk. It is very weird. duh Him being calm and not even mentioning it again, too strange.

I do not know how long my own calmness will last. I did check cell phone records this morning, and wrote down all of the different minutes used. This was good thinking, finally. As long as I don't use my cell for a while, and not talking to him - I will be able to keep track of his phone calls that way. Pretty smart huh ??

Car - just sitting back

I am trying to get ahold of Steve H. I do not know if I wil be able to talk with him before the weekend. Surely by then I will have had to deal with my WH.

I really do not want to talk with him for awhile. But, I do not want to leave him hanging for too long. Wouldn't you think he would call me to see if I am still upset, not yet, but sooner or later. I do not want to make the first call until I get some advice of some kind.

This really has never happened before, us not talking. Oh sometimes in the same house, but that might be different. Maybe I should have told him that I love him or something like that. I was quite cold to him - I guess that is just the way I felt. Still do.

Help please as to what to do next. I am taking the big $$ plunge and calling Steve H.

Thanks so much

Carnation

^^^ Bumping for help please !!

Car

Please help with some advice as what to say to him now. Do I stay dark ? Does he know how I feel, duh.

And, more importantly, is he taking this opportunity to talk with OW ? I am getting a little weak here, but I do think this is the right way to continue.

I wrote down all the stuff and evidence over the last year to tell Steve H. well, when I got finished with it and looked it over - it is very very obvious he is in or surely was in an A. A big one.

This is carnation asking for help.

carnation..

you have in my opinion spent way too much energy and focus on the the OW>..infact if ever I could choose whose WS to be...I would love to be yours...for most if not ALL your energy have gone to her...leaving him pretty much clear and free of any and all responsibility...

there is NO such thing as mini plan b
there is NO such thing as getting to the bottom of this latest chaos with someone who has no interest in dealing with you respectfully....
yet that is still your plan...
and still you ponder going away with him again in the truck...which you just did...and it changed nothing..therefor somehow it makes sense to do it again...

I don't get it...

when will you reach the point of no need to beat this dead horse
when will you reach the point of enough chaos..

for already you use made up words like
mini plan b
and already speak volumes of NOT NOT being able to talk to him..

every encounter is your participatory action in this chaos...and he has you exactly where you want him..
putting off phone calls to just power struggle the futility another day.....

write your plan b letter
get your own cell phone back
change the number
go darker than dark with NO CONTACT

your words have no meaning yet you expect his to...
your threats of not taking this anymore are as emtpy as his words of there is nothing going on with OP....

write your plan b letter
then go darker than dark..

enough chaos...
enough powerstruggling
enough of this drama
ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

man your WS has had your where he has wanted you long enough don't you think.....

ARK

Ark - Thank you SO much. I really need that. Although your post made me cry, it is very true. The truth hurts. Your words are exactly what I need to hear.

Could someone please give me a short example of what kind of Letter B that I need to write. And, how exactly am I supposed to get this to him ? I could text mess. a short one, I don't know how much I can fit in there. I really don't want to hear his voice.

Please do not give up on me. I think I am finally making progress here. And - appt. with Steve H. Monday morning. Definetly needed here, huh Mel ??? lol

I still feel calm, but I need honest advice such as Ark just gave to me. I wish I could just print it out !!

thanks so much - car