H and I are having the mother of all fights, and I’m not talking to him, I’m so pissed.
Repeatedly, I’ve asked him over the last few months (at least seven times), if he has to work late, please do me the courtesy of calling. I’ve explained it to him how important it is to me and how much it hurts me when he doesn’t. Anyway, last week, he came waltzing in at 8:30 pm and I said last chance, next time we go to counseling. Sure enough – last night in he walks at 8:00 pm. “I thought you were going running.” Because this matters right? Then he tries to apologize with this very lame apology: “I’m sorry you are mad at me.” Next, “I had a rough day and could use a hug instead of your anger.” (I had a hugely hard day but you didn’t see me whining about it.) That just sent me over the edge. I told him not to turn this on me, this is his issue. I told him I was calling a counselor in the morning, joint or individual his choice. (I didn’t tell him this but was thinking if this doesn’t get better within six months, I want to separate.)
I went to the health club to go running after, studied for some time then went to sleep in the guest bed. I got up early this morning, left early and other than answering two questions, didn’t talk to him. I told him he didn’t need to bother coming to the Fine Line party tonight that I would go by myself.
The more I thought about it on the way in, the more I thought I really do need counseling. I’m feeling so much anger, so much resentment and really can’t see a whole lot of positives I’m getting from the marriage. I mean he’s a good guy, of course I love him, but I feel as if I’m falling into a trap where I’m being taken advantage of and I won’t tolerate it. I’m so very tired of being at the bottom of his priority list and his giving little to nothing for the relationship.
I sent a note to F to get the woman’s name from nearby church that I was seeing before. I really liked her – smart and no-nonsense.
