I'm new here. I'm WS. Background. The A lasted a couple of months which resulted in me getting pregnant. The A has ended and there is NC. My H gave me a choice an abortion or our marriage. I struggled for 3 weeks with the decision not knowing what to do... kill the baby or end the marriage. I was against aborton, even suggested putting it up for adoption, but my H did not want anything to do with it. I understand his reasons. Everyday of those 3 weeks, he questioned me and the A which always ended in an argument. Being pregnant and so emotional, I was so confused. I hated myself for hurting him so much and questioned myself of what kind of person I was. With much regret, I had the abortion. Since then, I have suffered pain, regret, depression, anger, etc. which has made me more confused and withdrawn from everyone, including my H. All of this has not helped our marriage, in fact, has made it worse.

I understand his hurt, fustrations, and pain. His needs for affection and reassurance are being unmet because of my seperate emotions. It doesn't help that everyday and every opportunity we get to talk, my H has only wanted to talk about the A, my feelings, his hurt & pain, our marriage, etc. and again it always ends in an argument where we both have said things that were hurtful and only see the ugly side. He doesn't believe anything I say and has every reason to because of what I've done so I don't know what to say anymore when I'm still trying to deal with what I'm going through. I'm not placing any blame onto my H because I put us in this situation. It's just so complicated. We're both seeing different counselor/therapist and are reading books. As I try to recover, that is why I'm now able to finally post, he wants NC with me.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

You are facing the terrible grief of the abortion, and your husband is suffering from your betrayal. What a mess.

I think most men have no idea how being pregnant is for a woman. They can't know. As for me, I would be forever resentful if my husband demanded that I have an abortion to save the marriage. I am not blaming him, just saying how I would feel.

On the other hand, men have a terrible time facing that their spouse is pregnant by another man. That is the final insult for most of them.

So the two of you have HUGE obstacles to overcome. Since you are the one coming here for help, I guess we will have to start with you. I hope you will read all of the information here. It is very helpful. But you also have to give yourself permission to grieve.

Stick with us, and we will support you.

Hugs. Are you ok with faith based material?

I noticed at RBC Ministries there is a booklet on dealing with the aftermath of abortion. I don't know if it may help you, but you can look them up on the internet. You may also want to contact a pregnancy help center, also faith based and they may be able to refer you to more resources on dealing with abortion.

Just know that God is a great and forgiving God.

I know this isn't enough to help you, but know that God loves you and many people care.

Well someday I truly wonder if even despite the murder of your child that he (H) helped support you and he will ever be the same again.

I am so sorry for your pain and struggles. Yes, you did cause this for yourslef, but you are still entitled to compassion and support from all here. I will say a prayer for you.

I wonder how your husband feels now. Personally I could NEVER life with myslef if I had any influence on a decision that led to the murder of a chld. I just couldn't accept this.

All of your feelings are normal, and you should seek as much help as you can in your grieving. This is all so tuly "sad".

God Bless.

Sour.........

What a horrible choice you had to make. Can your relationship survive it? Good luck. MB is the place to be.

Thank you for your replies, thoughts, and prayers. I really need it because I know this is a TOUGH one.

This is a mess. I understand what my H is going through but I can't help feel anger and resentment towards him. I really don't know if it will ever go away.

How does my H feel now? I don't know. I do know his pain and hurt but truly don't know if he feels any remorse for the baby. He says he is sorry yet I still feel he can't give me anytime to grieve my loss. He has asked what I want and I've told him countless times that I need time and space (not discussing the A because it only makes him more angrier and it also reminds me of everything, especially the baby!) but he can't. He wants answers NOW!

Can this relationship survive? I'd like to say yes but with all that's happened, it's difficult to say. I'm so confused not knowing waht to do because I don't know who I am anymore.

I have gone to a CPC and they are helping me with my abortion aftermath and the Internet has lots of resources. Thank you.

Hello,

What an awful situation to have been in. I have a question that I just do not seem to get a grasp on and this is why would a WS not at least use protection when in an affair? It is no guarantee but without protection you allow the chances of transmitting STD's to your spouse and allowed the possibility of getting pregnant which is devastating to the spouse and ended up with an abortion and even more pain to the marriage and recovery.
I guess my question would be did you see yourself at the end of your marriage and is this why you did not use protection? I think the betrayed spouse perceives this as the ultimate form of disrespect. Again my question if you do not mind is to why no protection was utilized and why did you wish to gamble on the chances of STD's and a pregnancy?

It is because their brains are not working properly ok? They are in an altered, almost drug like induced state. Try saying things and getting a rational response from a drug addict ok?

My xh did NOT use a condom. Did impregnate OW. It is disrespect.

But then again, they are all about themselves during an A.

It is for THEIR FULFILLMENT AND THE HECK WITH THE BS.

They don't use protection because that would require thought. It would require them to remember they are married and that they have obligations. It might make them feel guilt if they chose to remember.

They don't use protection b/c it may make them have a heightened sensation or something...never mind, she said she's on the pill...and to the drugged out aliens here, that means safety...but to us could mean an std.

And remember, the other affairee is on that same high too. She may "forget" to take the damn pill. Or forget to tell the guy she's on valtrex. Lovely huh?

This is your brain (egg).

This is your brain on affairs (egg is dropped out of space shuttle).

Ah justpeachy - You do realize Sad Mom is the one who had the A and became PG, right? Not the other way around.