I'm learning!

I'm getting better.

I'm getting better at this.

I hope I can make this a habit.

It's been difficult for me to control my anger when my WH so blatantly disrespects me and intentionally hurts me. I'm learning to bite my tongue, walk away and come back to it when I'm composed. Talk in a soft voice with a friendly demeanor, remind WH of my very clearly defined boundary without making a threat...and then leave it, instead of harping on it to make sure it gets through his thick skull.

I need more help here though. Perhaps one of the vets has some suggestions. I had to back off on Orchid's babble, when I tried it, it came out too nasty and sarcastic. Somehow just repeating the silly, stupid, hurtful things WH says, so he can hear himself is working better for me. I think that with a little more practice at self discipline, I might be able to try babble again.

WH is running out of reasons to hang on to OW. He's groping at straws and being nastier than usual.

Good for you!

Alph.

For many people ... the problem is not "setting" boundaries ... but enforcing.

This is a matter of integrity.

If you say this ...

"I will not allow you to disrespect me by calling OP from my home."

Then... you must have some plan of action that backs up enforcement. Like removing all the phones. Or telling WS it is time for them to move out since they cannot respect your boundary.

Boundaries are all about respect.

Setting boundaries is about respect.
Enforcing boundaries is about respect.

"harping"" or repeating and repeating your stated boundary only makes YOU a liar ... you should never set a boundary you don't intend to keep and follow up by YOUR promised action.

The boundary should be well thought out and livable for you ... and you should state the boundary in NON-ambiguious ways

example of ambiguious boundary ---> "You must show me respect."

not clear what "respect" means

Here is something more specific ---> "If you choose to spend family money on your adulterous affair, I will take action to protect myself legally from financial disaster."

The issue is clear, and your intended action is also clear ... and then, when the boundary is breeched ... you do not discuss anything ... you do the action as promised.

You must teach the WS that you mean what you say and that you are not going to negociate important boundary issues.