LOL - this board never ceases to amuse me.

AM, my heart bleeds for you. But don’t be too envious of my supposed wealth. It’s really very minor…and yes…I work everyday and probably will still be working until some ones tells me that I can’t anymore…or I just die.

Everything I’ve managed to achieve on the financial side…has been the result of years of work and saving…so that I could provide for those events in our lives that we all dream of. I am not a rich man…except in the love of my children and family…well most of my children and family, LOL!

But I do understand how managing the practical necessities in life colors everything…and it may interest you to know that my recent little jaunt would have happened even if I would have needed to wait tables or tend bar to finance the journey…I’ve done both before and have lived in less then pristine circumstances…more then a few times in my life…Having to do so again is truly not a prospect that I fear. That my wife or children might have to endure those circumstances however, that I fear above all things.

But this is not about me…that you are in such pain and feel so trapped is the tragedy. That you need to be the adult…to live your life in pain…so as to assure the comfort of others…that is the injustice…but AM, may I suggest that in opening your heart and in not just accepting the circumstance but welcoming it…you may find a kind of salvation?…A very Zen concept I know…but one that has served me well…

And if you still envy me…here’s a scary thought…And I’m sorry to be using my self as an example…but I am my own best frame of reference…For me to come to realize that the greatest love in my life right now…the greatest love I feel…comes from a wonderful 4 legged creature…my darling poodle Jakob…that he alone offers such devotion and constancy I covet…so much so that I would rather be in his company then the company of the most beautiful woman in Hollywood…this is a very telling remark…I think.

Coach

AM,
Caretaking 3 frail people through welfare fraud, keeping a vicious dog...nothing about that household sounds right.

Yet your h chooses to be there.

Plan B is probably the only way for you to keep your sanity at his crazymaking. Somehow I can just see him blustering about in front of you at gatherings and you remaining collected in the face of all of it.

You are a very steadfast person. I'm glad you are able to keep in contact & communication with your stepkids, even if they are adults I'm sure they appreciate having a parental figure--a role their father clearly is not fulfilling.

Wishing you the best (or certainly better!)

Oh Lor, so good to hear from you! We've been out of touch! Well, I'm not sure I'd describe him as "frail," he's kind of a misshapen Quasimodo at this point -- but the man I married was kind of a masterful hulk. And he doesn't bluster ... just pretends nothing is wrong -- that if something LOOKS wrong, it must be your eyesight.

Maybe "vicious" is an overstatement, but the gas man said he couldn't go to the door because of the creature. My own dog ... well, it was his, really ... is ridiculously friendly. As he used to say, if any intruders are water soluble, they'll be in trouble with my dog. I do miss him...the man that used to be.

He's making more public appearances alone. Drat! Saw OW yesterday. I hoped she would skip down. Or be deported. I don't know of anyone who even likes her -- but I know he will cling to an error rather than admit a mistake. She does little nasty things in public to make sure I see her -- that she has "won." What a small person! How dreadful to live day in day out with such a nothing.

Coach, don't bleed. It will be messy. I, too, have worked hard since I was 16 years old, through university, etc. -- but now I'm almost your age, and still broke. It does grind at me a bit. I was never very good at saving. But then, I never had much to save. I live like a churchmouse. But then, I really love what I do for a living, and I'm lucky in that.

And coach, I am beginning to embrace it. It grinds more than it pains -- the daily dullness of small quotidian insult more than the outrageousness of your current sitch. But in the bottom of my heart, I'm grateful, truly, because I know he's in deep spiritual doo-doo. And I am free. Sometimes breaking up is the happy ending.

I don't think what you say about Jake is scary at all. I have three wonderful cats -- my babies. And you know? My daughter is absolutely fantastic. I wish she were incredibly brilliant and getting scholarships, but she's not. She's good-looking, smart (B+ student rather than an 4.5 student -- an artist, not a scholar), practical, solid. She's real. Other adults turn to her for advice. She's a wonderful companion. Everyone loves her, and praises her warm, firm character. And I will be sorry to lose her.

And you know what? One of my stepsons -- the only one of the kids in town this weekend -- came to my house for dinner last night. He came 50 miles just to have dinner with me, the old lady! He's great -- a truly wonderful kid. So are they all, and I'm more than fortunate in this. There is no lack of love in my life -- well, there is never a shortage of people to love, but there is usually a shortage of people to love back, but I can't complain.

Remember you all warned me about a much-younger man a year or so ago? A tall, dark, very handsome one? We did not become lovers, but we did forge a very unusual friendship. I learned a very powerful lesson -- that not all powerful attractions need to move in a relationship direction. Sometimes the best thing is honoring the limits inherent in the situation. Sometimes it is more rewarding not to succumb to temptation. Because "nothing happened," I learned that this is a man with a powerful gift for friendship. And we are friends, although his gorgeousness is a distraction. I would not trade him for the world. He is kind and good.

So see? It's not all bad news. But this story has led me to be very mistrustful of 180 life changes. The real changes happen slowly, incrementally. And one finds, in a year or two, that one has slowly become a different person.