K, this is not a joke! This is just another way of your H abusing you and YOU taking it. It is another way of him controlling you. It is him acting like an immature teenager, not a married man.

He treats you like [email]cr@p[/email], and you just take it, day after day. I know it is hard to say enough, but you ahve got to get out of that situation. I will bet my bottom dollar that he has somehow turned this around and it is now YOUR FAULT that he did this. he is going to blame you up and down and make it all about HIM. How dare YOU get upset anbout this, this was just a joke and you are making mountains out of molehills!

Cant you see the pattern? He is manipulative, disprespectful...Please get out of there...I feel so bad for those boys, as people would say to me...now I can SEE what they mean thru other people on here who do the same thing over and over again.

K, please do not take my post the wrong way...it will hurt to read these words, but they are the truth. I know what you are dealing with. I was there...I can see YOU in me! Get out!

While he says it's funny, KMEJ, is he able to look you in the eye?

GC

Oh KMEJ.......How horrible, I am so sorry that is going on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Is there no way to contact the webmaster possibly and tell them to delete it??? That it's a picture of you and that it was unauthorized??????

I'm gonna check it out, and get back to you.

-Caren

KMEJ,

In his own sick little twisted mind, it IS the same thing. Since you are choosing to stay there...you are no longer a victim...you are a volunteer.

With that being said, let's see if we can come up with some things that YOU can do to change things.

Did you ask him about posting his picture on the MB site? Did you get his permission to do that? It matters not that it is a marriagebuilding site...it's out there without his permission. So, let's take it off there. In his contorted thinking, it's the same thing. REMOVE IT....and then ask for the same courtesy from him.

I am not condoning what he has done to you...is doing to you...and will continue doing to you. What concerns me is that since you are choosing to stay within that dysfunctional relationship, that you think you can just post about all the atrocities here and that can be considered "help". You are NOT getting help here. You are using this as a place to complain about your husband...there, I said it...and I can imagine that I will get flamed royally for it too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> So be it.

You are resigned to staying there...resign yourself to the suffering...or start doing exactly what he wants and when he wants it. You aren't changing a thing...even if you think you are.

JMHO
committed

KMEJ-

Okay here's the the info. Go to this addy:

http://www1.sexsearchcom.com/customer_support.php

There's a drop down list, choose "Other" and you can e-mail them and tell them what's going on and that it's unauthorized use of your picture, I'm sure they don't want a lawsuit.

-Caren

Edited to say: I know this doesn't *Solve* the problem of your husband doing this, but at least your pic won't be there anymore.

This is just repeating what others have said, but here goes anyway:

1. This is not a joke. It's deadly serious to you, and it's deadly serious to him. When he says otherwise, he is lying, plain and simple. He knows it's a felony and he did it anyway -- that is how deadly serious this is to him.

2. Why? Because he wants to hurt you in a nasty, vicious way. That's all there is to it. There is no other "why". Why does he want to hurt you in a nasty, vicious way? Because that's the kind of person he actively chooses to be. That's all there is to it. There is no other "why". It has nothing to do with you or anything you have done; it is merely his choice to be this way.

Yes, he will make up "reasons" about how it's something you did that "caused" this. Those are just more lies. There is no possible way to provoke this kind of behavior.

3. What to do? Get out of there ASAP. Living with someone who freely chooses to do this kind of thing to you is just plain insane. I know it's difficult and complicated. You know the old saw how in chess any move that is not an attack is a wasted move and a step towards defeat? It's the same principle here. Any energy that is wasted on anything other than an escape plan and self-protection is a move towards the destruction of your own health.

Hey folks, you can relax. KMJE said she was going to the Twins game

Susan

Well Hell...if I had seen that I wouldn't have bothered posting.

How bad can it be if that takes top billing...sheesh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

committed

Susan, forgive me for my stupidity, but what does that have to do with the situation?

danielle

K, just one question? Why are you staying with this man? Any time I catch up on your story it is the same old same old. Different horror story, but the characters are always the same. I'm not saying this to be mean or disrespectful. Believe it or not, it is out of caring. The only way for any of this to stop is for YOU to make it stop. When will YOU get to the point of believing that it is your right and that you deserve to be treated with respect? Get help K, for yourself. Find out why you are still stuck in this very unhealthy, dysfunctional situation. HUGS! CV

Dear Kmej,

His sense of humor is warped. Tell him so. Also let him know his conclusions are not making you feel safe.

Kmej, his explanations will not hold water for long. Go remove the pix if you can. Those sites are not safe. You can even get his e-mail deleted. It may take a while for him to figure it out.

Did his friend support his actions? Who else may he be tellng?

L.

This is extremely dangerous for you. I have to wonder if he either wants someone to come attack you or he's setting all this up to have "proof" of what a terrible promiscuous person you are in a divorce case.

Dobie

KMEJ,

I'm going to tell you honestly that I am appalled.
Not by his actions but by yours.

KMEJ, I have been away three full months. Three. At least..possibly longer. The very first day I peek back in what do I see on the front page?

I'll tell you what, the very *same* post that you had on the day I left. Oh sure the details are different..but in essence it is the same.

So KMEJ..what is your decision? Is this acceptable or is it not. If it is not acceptable what are you willing to do about it? Throw some words at him? Cry? Post?

What can you do that you are also willing to do to bring about the change you insist is necessary?

That is a post I would gladly participate in.

Your inaction is a choice as surely as any..and the consequences will be sure as well. Choosing to expose yourself and your children to this life with this man is *your* choice and it is you KMEJ who will answer for it.

You can never honestly say that you didn't know what he was capable of. He has demonstrated his nature to you with great consistency.

Any further blood that spills [your own or your childrens] is on your hands.

Noodle

Yep, same old $hit, just different day.

Sour....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

God K....your H is such an [censored].

He needs to grow up.

His tit for tat method of thinking and reacting is so childish.

He has N0 regard for your feelings.
He has N0 respect for you.

YOU allow him to treat you this way.

There is no way in hell I would have calmed down before I had a talk with him about something like that.

I would have went in there....regardless of his buddy being there.....kicked him in the ***** and said....NOW THAT WAS FUNNY AS HELL. Then I would have packed all of his stuff....in trash bags.....no reason to use the good luggage.....and threw it all out in the front lawn and told him to get out.

Then I would take out a FULL PAGE ad in the local newspaper with his picture. Of course the picture would have to be of his head attached to a pigs body. In captions above the picture would read. "Please take my soon to be ex husband". Below would read...."Must like to be dominated, humiliated and ignored".....followed by his cell phone #.

That's just me though.

You'd never do anything like that would you?

Quit putting up with his $hit and get the hell out.

Post deleted by KMEJ

I hope and pray that someday you find the strength and self respect you so desparately need. I also pray that one day you overcome your fears and do what it takes to protect your children.

The only person you can change is yourself and you are resistant to changing. Maybe, you should really start examining why that is so...

KMEJ,

Hon.....you're just not 'getting it.'

You can post or not post until the cows come home. The reason we are all up in arms is because in spite of what you KNOW, you continue to CHOOSE to allow these behaviors. Whether you post or not about it is irrelevent.

You KNOW you are putting yourself in danger. You KNOW you are denigrating yourself. You KNOW you are putting your kids in danger. You KNOW that you are choosing ALL of this. It's similar to someone CHOOSING to have an A. You can justify all of it....or you can just stop posting, and pretend it doesn't exist.....avoid it....

But you know what? It will still be there. YOUR CHOICE. Everyone has a choice. It's not always a good choice. It's not always an easy choice. But it is a choice, and it's yours to own.

Why do you play the victim? Why do you not take your own life (and that of your kids) into your own hands? Why do you CHOOSE to be treated that way?

I think it's just that most of us don't understand. Particularly me. I had an A. And even though I knew I would face the most severe consequences and hardships, I confessed my A. Because I knew it was the 'right' thing, and it was the only way to make myself healthy again. What happened? My exH did not change, and his unhealthy behaviors became amplified. I had a CHOICE at that point. Continue living in an unhealthy M....where neither one of us could be happy.....or set my own boundaries and stick to them.

Well, I set my boundaries and stuck to them. Where did that get me? Well, quite obviously, I'm D'ed. And I won't lie - it was the HARDEST year of my life! Hands down! But it was also the best....because it was worth it! I am happy, I am healthy, and I know what I want out of an M. I am NOT afraid to stick up for that.

I don't understand....why do you not want your chance at happiness? Why do you hide behind your kids (not wanting to break up the 'family')? Why DO you not take action?

We have been through your fears. My God, my situation would be similar to the the worst that could happen for you (without the children).....and I lived through it! Lived through it, and am thriving now! On life! Why do you not see that past this thunderstorm, there is a pot of gold? Why do you not think enough of yourself to deserve that?

You see, KMEJ....it's really not about whether you post here or not. And to be quite honest, your posting that you are not going to 'post' anymore is one of two things to me.....

1) manipulative - you hear people getting frustrated with your inaction, and you severely dislike when people are upset with you. So you say you will not post in hopes that people will be less harsh, and sympathize with you instead. Coddle you even.

OR

2) cop-out - your H does not want you posting here, and this is a 'roundabout' way to exit stage left without the focus being on what your H does or does not want you to do.

If neither one of these were your motive, then why not just quit posting without an exit? There are A LOT of people here who just fall off the face of the board. So why make a 'dramatic' exit?

Because you WANT something.

KMEJ - you ARE a good person. But until you start believing that, and standing up for yourself, you will be destined to a life of misery. Putting yourself, AND YOUR KIDS at risk....for what? For a man who will never be happy until he addresses his own issues.

I hope to GOD you get some counseling, and learn how to love yourself. Right now I think you are in a HORRIBLE fog where you deny the danger, deny your right to happiness, and deny your children's right to a good model of marriage.

Please be truthful with yourself. It WILL hurt. It WILL be scary. It WILL be hard. But it WILL be worth the battle. Trust me.

KMEJ, ditto on everything L.I.T. said. I'll repeat what I said on my other post. YOU need therapy, and you needed it yesterday. You are frozen by your fears, but they don't appear to be the fear of living with a horribly abusive man. Therapy might help you realize that you do have choices besides living a life in hell. However, if you don't seek that path my fear is that change will only occur when things get so awful you can no longer deny or avoid what you must do. OR I fear you or your children will be hurt while you are trying to figure this all out.

We aren't sick of you KMEJ, there just is no longer anything any of us can offer you anymore. You keep coming to us with the exact same stories somehow expecting that we will have some magical answer that will allow you to stay with your H and have a happy life. Think of this K, you did live without your H for months when he was in his A, and you survived. What is keeping you here this time? I'm praying for you because that seems to be the only thing left to do. CV

People can change but they have to want to change. It's not your choice or responsibility to have him care for you. Your choice is whether or not to stay with this man.

Do you want your three little tornados to grow up to do the same thing to their wives? I think it would hurt me more if my son did to his wife what my husbnd has done to me than it was to go through this myself.
Cherished