|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
new post ---> HELP me I'm in in a terrible crisis
MBers ---> "OMG ... GET OUT you are in danger" ... "Stand up for yourself" ..... "Here's a format to a plan"
NO ACTION TAKEN * NO ADVICE FOLLOWED * NO CHANGES MADE
MBers get exhaused and thread goes quiet
New post ---> Oh My Gosh!!! Now it's worse! What should I do?
MBers ---> "This is terrible" .... "How can you live like this?" .... "You poor thing!"... "Take care of YOU"
NO ACTION TAKEN * NO ADVICE FOLLOWED * NO CHANGES MADE
MBers grow weary .... thread goes quiet
new post ---> Someone help me ... I am in pain!
MBers reply ---> "Nothing will change until you change" ... "You are the victim" ... "Your H is an animal"
NO ACTION TAKEN * NO ADVICE FOLLOWED * NO CHANGES MADE
thread goes quiet
New post --->He's threatening to kill me! I'm scared!
MBers ---> "Here's the # of a shelter near you" ... "Call the police" ..."Here is MY phone #"
................... and I ask you .......... what exactly is the point?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Some folks just like to chit-chat, I guess.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
It is my responsibility to recognize when I am playing a role in a destructive pattern....
....and do something different
.... and this thread topic is my "something" different
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Some folks just like to chit-chat, I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> true true and some folks do not mind having all their emotional energy sucked into a vacuum
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,956 |
................... and I ask you .......... what exactly is the point? A place to complain...a way and place to get validation...a way to get needs met that aren't being met at home...the list could be endless. Coming here and posting actually takes the place of action....sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> committed
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
"Your H is an animal" I take that in a VERY metrosexual sense of gender identification <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
"Your H is an animal" I take that in a VERY metrosexual sense of gender identification <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> gurrrrrrrrrrrr sometimes Mr. Pep is an ~animal~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
................... and I ask you .......... what exactly is the point? A place to complain...a way and place to get validation...a way to get needs met that aren't being met at home...the list could be endless. Coming here and posting actually takes the place of action....sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> committed I think there is more .... a way to act out in front of an audience <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Pepperband; 07/16/05 11:44 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823 |
I think that some people (Myself included--big time) have trouble following the advice, that doesn't mean that the great advice on this site isn't completely worthy....it's hard, some of us aren't as strong as others.
You are one of the smartest, most intuitive people I have ever had the priveledge of reading on here, and I can see how you probably feel like you're banging your head up against a wall, and it must be very frustrating.
But I beg of you, not to deprive us of your knowledge....one of these days it may actually get through.
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Some folks thrive on drama....
Living it and watching it....
I used to enjoy soap operas but don't anymore...
Wonder Why?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I can see how you probably feel like you're banging your head up against a wall, and it must be very frustrating. Caren ... not my point .... I think some of it is scripted! not you by the way
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Some folks just like to chit-chat, I guess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> true true and some folks do not mind having all their emotional energy sucked into a vacuum Hey! I resemble that remark!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
nothing changes as long as nothing changes...
Or even better:
change happens when the pain of staying-the-same is greater than the pain of changing.
Lots of peeps around here have a high tolerance for pain.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823 |
Pep- LOL, I see you're point, and I didn't think you were directing your comments at me, although I am a prime example of asking for advice and then not following it. I am a VERY slow learner <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> -Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
so i guess my point is ...
As long as we feed the Drama Queens or Kings of the board...they'll continue to come back for that free meal.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
Leave it to Pep to get something hopping on a lazy SoCal day
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
Ya know Caren,
I was the Queen of Slow Learners. Trust me on this one! My Al Anon sponsor said to me many times that in her 15 years of Al Anon she had NEVER sponsored anyone as stubborn as me.
She never stopped helping me though - because she recognized through all my self-inflicted pain that I did want to change.
There's a difference between slow-learners and those who have no intention of learning.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
nothing changes as long as nothing changes... BR ... I think it is the responders who might be the ones who would benifit by changing themselves ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> If there is a pattern of attention-seeking where everytime the crisis must appear to be worse than bad, then... scarier than scary, then... downright horrifying in order to get a reaction .... who can stop this pattern? The one's providing the payoff attention.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
so i guess my point is ...
As long as we feed the Drama Queens or Kings of the board...they'll continue to come back for that free meal. [color:"red"]*ding*ding give that little lady the prize cupie doll [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
Yep totally agree...hence my stop-the-feed remark.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
362
guests, and
18
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
