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so i guess my point is ...
As long as we feed the Drama Queens or Kings of the board...they'll continue to come back for that free meal. True! good point! Suz <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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lol ok we are cross posting...
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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A little thought from someone who reads more than posts these days:
The bigger difference seems to me to be between those that are slow learners and those who actively seek the attention that lack of action brings to fullfill something within themselves.
Until the attention fades and stops filling the need, often, no action will be taken.
Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet.
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Well I will add my .02.
Just because the action isn't taken, doesn't mean it isn't good advice.... And it also doesn't mean that the person who the advice is directed to isn't LISTENING. Sometimes change is harder then we can imagine for some people. Your words are not going unheard. I think they are very helpful and worthy, even though action is not taken in a timely manner. Sometimes it takes time...and some people are slow learners. (I fall into this catagory) I don't think that means stop posting to them, it might mean post more...
Danielle
edited for spelling and grammar
Last edited by DanigirlinVA; 07/16/05 12:04 PM.
H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr
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.... I think some of it is scripted! I have thought that for quite awhile now...I just wasn't brave enough to toss it out there. Scrapnel in my butt does nothing for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> committed
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Dani-----I'm feeling ya hon.....It's a little hard to take the advice sometimes, even though you KNOW it's right.
committed-
I have actually been accused by someone (Actually I think it was a hit and run poster) that the things I posted were made up, that I just wanted attention...etc.
Oh, how I wish that were true, that I just made all the craziness up...LOL
Actually, these days things are a lot less dramatic, and that's because I've learned that I was drama-seeking....I try to avoid it if I can now. (Sometimes I slip up)
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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committed-
I have actually been accused by someone (Actually I think it was a hit and run poster) that the things I posted were made up, that I just wanted attention...etc.
Oh, how I wish that were true, that I just made all the craziness up...LOL
Actually, these days things are a lot less dramatic, and that's because I've learned that I was drama-seeking....I try to avoid it if I can now. (Sometimes I slip up) I remember that...I also remember thinking that it didn't sound made up to me. It DID sound full of drama..I will grant you that. I am so glad that you have come to realize that you were drama seeking...it helps to remove yourself from it when you can recognize it for what it is. Good for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I can see the scripted stuff that pepperband is talking about. There used to be a poster on EN that would try to "top" whatever was getting the attention of the posters at the tme. Someone mentioned porn...her H looked at porn...but it was worse...he looked at kiddie porn (so she said). Someone mentions eatingdisorder...she would post that she had that, but was much worse, almost died, 60 lbs, heart-failure....someone mentioned cutting...she was a cutter too...big long scars down her arms... This person's need for attention was so strong that she was on a mission when she posted...sad. committed
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It slays me pep. I'm suckered in every time.
I need to leave them alone. Only God and THAT person can help that person.
And God usually chooses to help those that help themselves a little.
MB Alumni
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I've also been accused of making all of this up..I was also accused of me and dad being the same person...and I do know who accused me of that, but we have since become friends. I believe I was also accused of being mom, dad AND OW all at once! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Point being, until the person SEEKING the advice is READY to take it, then there is NO POINT in seeking the advice! KWIM? How many times did I come back with the same drama <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> How many of you all TOLD me and BEGGED me to get OUT! Well, here I am! I'm OUT! or rather HE is out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Take it from FIM and ME, you CAN survive after divorce...YOU CAN be happy! FIM were both in a very similar sitch at the same time, only her OW didnt' get knocked up...we both filed about the same time, and we are both moving on. WE both have three kids to care for. I now know how all of the good people felt when they would tell me time and again the SAME THINGS over and over again...it IS exhausting and sometimes I just say to myself "OH MY GOSH...HERE WE GO AGAIN with so and so"...
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Sometimes it takes time...and some people are slow learners. (I fall into this catagory) I don't think that means stop posting to them, it might mean post more...
Danielle Actually, I think it is very important for all of us to develop the ability to recognize when our participation in someone else's life is feeding unhealthy need. THEIRS ~AND OURS !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> In that case, it is in everyone's best interest to drop the feeding spoon, and look in the mirror. "Mirror mirror on the wall what am ~I~ not learning here?"
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Remember Kandy
this topic is about our own recognition of our own PATTERNS
and avoiding something like being sucked into outside drama is not the responsibility of the one posting the drama .... it is our responsibility.
Learning patterns ... yes.
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FIM said: The bigger difference seems to me to be between those that are slow learners and those who actively seek the attention that lack of action brings to fullfill something within themselves. But "those who seek attention" are just fine by me ... I am speaking to "those who feed" ... what is the "payoff" there? Care to venture a guess.... anyone?
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I am speaking to "those who feed" ... what is the "payoff" there? In those cases, in some screwed up way - we become the OP's fulfilling a need or addiction.
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YO, PEP: You are not giving me any attention on the site YOU created for ME... What do I have to do? Create another LIGHTBULB MOMENT? I'm here thinking, scratching my head, trying to develop some insight... You go off and create another whole thread!! It's all about me, isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Ooops, here I am talking about YOU and I'm supposed to me thinking about my OWN PATTERN....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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But I beg of you, not to deprive us of your knowledge....one of these days it may actually get through.
-Caren Caren ... this was intended as a compliment, I am certain. But let me share with you my thoughts about this compliment. It is a trap of sorts. When someone begs me ... I pull away. As do most people who are not trying to place themselves in a superior position over another person. Insulting yourself in this subtle way ...is a red flag for me that I may need to keep my distance. Why? I do not need others to be weaker in order for me to feel strong. I do not see myself in any way better than you. If you see me as somehow better than you ... there is an imbalance that I find discomforting. as in ---> "What do I get out of this arrangement?" If I hang around MB for the sole purpose of helping others who are "weak and needy" .... I then require "weak and needy" people around me.... and this puts my integrity in question. I don't want my ego fed in this ways ... because it is BAD FOR ME! I know your intention was good ... therefore I trust you will take what I have written as intended.
Last edited by Pepperband; 07/16/05 01:53 PM.
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Until the attention fades and stops filling the need, often, no action will be taken. FIM ... this sort of resembles Plan B ... did you notice?
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.... I think some of it is scripted! I have thought that for quite awhile now...I just wasn't brave enough to toss it out there. Scrapnel in my butt does nothing for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> committed What? No cajones? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> LOL
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I am speaking to "those who feed" ... what is the "payoff" there? In those cases, in some screwed up way - we become the OP's fulfilling a need or addiction. Dorry... Not sure I follow ... care to embelish?
Last edited by Pepperband; 07/16/05 01:51 PM.
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It slays me pep. I'm suckered in every time. Bob Why are you suckered in? This woud be useful to know..
Last edited by Pepperband; 07/16/05 01:50 PM.
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