Bingo,

Pep, I think you just hit the nail slam bam right on the head here.

I think it is wise for all of us, when finding ourselves sucked into drama...that we examine our motives.

What attracted me to my husband for so many years?

I got to feel smarter, wiser and all around just superior to him. As long as he was weak, I got to feel bigger and better.

And while in *that* relationship I have learned to do better, I still have to reexamine my motives in other aspects of my life to ensure that my co-dependent need to feel better-than is not driving my choices.

Ego is truely what sucks people into someone else's drama.

There comes a point where we ( a generalized we of course ) need to walk away from someone else's drama for our own benefit.

Pep-

Yep Pep, just a figure of speech that whole *begging* thing, but I do believe that there are so many who can benefit from you knowledge.

You have an eerie knack for *hitting the nail on the head* so to speak.

There are a lot of your responses to people I read and say "Ohhhhhh Pep is so right, I didn't catch that".

-Caren

BR ...

It is interesting for me that initially everyone assumed I was aiming this post at the "drama-rama creators" ... but NOOOOOOOOOOOO

I am asking the rest of us to take a look at ourselves with self-critical eyes.

Caren ... I am asking you to treat me as an equal.

I may be way off <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> but this whole thread got my thoughts flowing...and my thoughts aren't always accurate <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But I was thinking, for people who crave drama without knowing they do, the sympathy and attention they get fullfills that addiction they have to that sort of attention - without them actualy realizing that it is problem they have in their own self.

And by people like you, who genuinely like to help people, but try to help people like that to no avail, and advice isn't taken, you are just fullfilling the subconcious need they have to have that sort of attention and not to actually fix the problem...

Hmm, I don't think I explained that too well, lol but maybe you can make some sense of what I am saying?

Know what Mimi !!! ... I almost missed the hidden message found in this .... for me....

Sometimes I participate in the drama because it is a form of

*gasp*

entertainment

.... oh.... that's not good

I didn't think you were aiming at the drama-rama creators - I knew you were looking for us to look at ourselves, but it got my wheels turning on the other thought about how cycles work within the human mind.

Oh yeah!

Looking back from where I am now, I can see that I helped to futher the situation by being PART of the situation. At a certain point, I actually helped to fuel it.

I didn't step out of the situation when I should have... when Plan B might have affected some change.

Maybe part of why Plan B was so difficult for me was because I hadn't learned to give up control....and the feeling of superiority. That's something for me to think about.

FIM

If I may chime in here - I know that I am probably too new to understand some of the nuances of the discussion (between vets). I learn from reading the other posts. I have learned possibly as much by reading Gramn's post as the answers to my own issues.

AND - if you do not respond to the posts - we might be left without teaching that we need.

Pep - the kid I am training to do my job is 23. I have been doing my job for 25 years. Am I better than he? Probably not. I think he catches on way quicker than I did at that age. Am I WAY more experienced than he - of course. He still has a lot to learn from me. (I really do not mean this to sound preachy - sorry.) I think this is what Caren is saying. Your experience is great for us. We DO need your voice of experience. (by you - I mean ALL of you)

Maybe we newbies do not show enough gratitude.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU ALL. YOU ARE APPRECIATED.

far

(sorry if i am missing the point here...)

Nope...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

At least, not for this kind of thing.

committed

Dorry ... it is the motive(s) of the helpers I am questioning right now .... the motive of the attention-seekers seems straight forward to me.

LOL committed!

Dorry ... we were cross posting .... thanks, I see now.

Pep, what do you think the motive of the helpers would be?

hmmmmm - very thought provoking too. Co-dependency traits perhaps - always wanting to be the one to help or fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed?

((( FIM )))

You were doing the best you could at the time.

I donno Mel ... I'm trying to wrangle my motives first. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I got what you were saying Pep from the beginning. Entertainment, egos, our own addiction to drama...all of these things keep us sucked in.

No one is suggesting that we stop posting. (that is directed at Caren and Foundareason) The point is that perhaps we take a step back and examine WHY we post in certain drama filled threads.

I have found often in my life that my MOTIVATION is what affects outcomes.

An identical action, with completely different motivations can have marvelously different outcomes.

Another motive of the helpers is simply to answer the question being asked, for fear of them feeling ignored, abandoned, or having a bad opinion of *us* "gee - noone would help me". So, their question being: "what do I do?" If we give them no answer, many might leave frustrated (or so we think), wandering around in the dark, instead of seeking their own answers from appropriate sources, persistence, or by asking for help in more constructive ways (by applying our suggestions, then coming back for more feedback).

Our motive, perhaps, should be to hold a candle and point towards the light switch... we cant' turn the light on for them. Or maybe we can, but some people keep their eyes closed anyway! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

That's the key. Drama needs an audience. This site is full of potential enablers.