Here is my situation. I am 22yrs old and have been with my husband for 5yrs but married a year and half. We have two children together a boy 3 1/2yrs and girl 6wks. My husband is currently deployed to Iraq. He came home last month for his 2wk R&R for the birth of our second child. When he was home he asked me if i minded him going to our house in GA. During his deployment I came back home to be with my family. I told him that i didnt mind if he went but i couldnt go with him after having a baby 4 days ago. Well he took my cell phone and called met he night he left and he said he was in North Carolina staying at a hotel. I said okay call me in the morning when you leave. He called and then that was the last i heard from him that day. I called my cell a good 10 times that night and got my voicemail. He called me the next morning and told me that he needed to clear his head bc the stress of being in Iraq took a toll on him. He said he was on his way to leave the country he didnt wanna go back to Iraq. I believed his story. I was just so relieved that he was alright too.
Well he left on the 23rd of June to go back to finish his deployment. On the 27th I was looking at pictures and i found this one of him and another girl. I was pissed, furious, angry. I broke into his email and found emails since january of this year. He met her in a chatroom. I called this girl up and she is from Iowa. Thats where he went to meet this girl off the computer. She told me nothing happened but they did kiss. Well thats enough to me to count as cheating, let alone going to meet her. After talking to her i contacted his sgts and they had him get ahold of me. He didnt deny it, actually he felt horrible about the whole thing. Since all of this the only way we can "talk" to one another is thorugh emails. He isnt allowed to call and i usually miss him when he is on AOL. He has ended contact with this girl. He has gotten himself into consueling over there to help him and hes written an apology to my parents and his family. He has agreed when he comes home to go to a marriage consuelor and agree to terms to get our marriage back where it was before all of this happened. We have even planned a vacation for 10 days when he gets home. Just us no kids. I have spoken with my pastor from my church and also my aunt who is a consuelor.
Are we doing the right things? I just need advice from other women/men who have been through this. I've read through this site and we seem to be headin in the right direction. Any imput would be welcome!

Dang it! I had written a response and it's gone!! I must have hit the wrong button.

Anyway, what I had said was that I think you're on the right path.

I'd do what you can to assure yourself that contact is TRULY done, but it sounds like he has acknowledged the wrong doing and is working to mend the fence.

It's hard when you're separated to work on this, I know, and you'll probably drive yourself crazy wondering if each step is the right one.

I've been there...my ex was deployed when I was six months pregnant. He came home for 8 days at the birth but started and affair right afterward.

He had leave and chose to spend almost all of it with OW instead of with me, his baby son and two daughters. Affairs are horrible things, my dear.

I would suggest you get into some individual counseling before he comes back. I know that when I was going through it after I found out and before he came back, I had a million different feelings.... anger, hurt, confusion, frustration to name a few. My counselor helped me navigate those and be in a place to work on things when he came home.

Also, keep with MB. The methods used in MB and the application of the knowledge you can get here in regards to relationships and safeguarding your marriage in the future are going to help a lot.

Best of luck to you and congratulations on your little baby!

FIM

I couldn't have given you any better advice than FIM. I, too, think you're doing the right thing. I also believe IC is a great idea, as they can help you rebuild your self-confidence and trust.

Hang in there and (esp. when you get discouraged and sad and need to just vent or get your mind off of things) keep posting!