I just wanted to thank everyone who has stuck by me during the last month or so;

Thank you for the advice and for the wonderful prescence you have all blessed me with. We are all a unique bunch of people who unfortunately share the same problem; during the last month, I have learned more about myself as a person and as a man than I ever had before in my life. I've learned most importantly that this life is what we make of it; and although I love my wife with all of my heart - what she is doing to us and this relationship has gone far enough. She's made up her mind; and I'm not going to stand by letting her drag me down anymore - I can't control her.

I would have died for her, I would have given her the world; but she simply didn't give me that chance...that will always sadden me.

Its time for me to move on with my life; going to go out and have a good time again, meet people - see the sights, immerse myself in God and put my focuses completely on Him and my schooling. One day, I will be a father, and once again, a husband - and when that day comes - I want to be sure that its with a woman who will respect me for who I am, and the mistakes that I've made in my life. Thanks to you all, I am fully prepared to go out into the world and undertake the things that I didn't always know how to during my first marriage; and these responsibilities are something that I'm looking forward to more than anything in the world. Its a shame that my W gave up before she even gave me a chance to learn how to do these things. Simply took the easy way out, labeled me as someone who would, "Never change" and walked out the door. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I will keep you all in your prayers as I move through life; and I will never forget the things you guys taught me - they will make some girl very happy someday. Good luck and God bless. Goodbye!

-Aaron

Happy trails... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Awwhhh Fox, just when we were starting to get to know you. Ok, now you can move forward and still keep in touch here, ya know. It's not like MB is gonna cancel your subscription, membership dues or your poster name. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

But you are young and have a lot of your life ahead of you. So do what you must, just periodically keep in touch. For those of us who still have our memories working, we will remember you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Orchid - will do.

Thank you for the countless amounts of good advice and words of wisdom; always know that these are things I will carry with me the rest of my life - and one day, someone will thank you for that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aaron - Hope you don't leave us. I think you are far from over this.

Hi Fox!

Like many others here, I've read most every word of your story with great interest. Your last few posts reminded me of something....

There was once a very, very high-ranking Catholic priest... and a very skilled and experienced journalist.
One day, the journalist was lucky enough to be able to talk with this priest - very informally. Just by chance, they were sitting next to each other on a plane.

After they chatted for a while, the journalist said to the priest: "You've spent much of your lifetime hearing the confessions of the most powerful, wealthiest, wisest, influential, successful people in the world. If there's one thing you've learned from all that, what would it be?"

The priest thought for a moment, and said: "Nobody ever grows up."

True story. It fascinates ME, anyway... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

In my very humble opinion...

You, Fox, are wise beyond your years. And I've read your story, and I understand that in a lot of ways, you haven't had a choice.

Your WW, on the other hand, is just a little girl. And she may be for a long time.

Keep your head up, and your wits about you... and you will prevail, no matter what happens with her.

(I know you already know that... I just felt compelled to say it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

tgt -

the only reason why I feel like she is being childish is because of the reason she's leaving us.

She is leaving our marriage because, "I wasn't committed to our marriage - I couldn't 'decide what I wanted'." She is leaving me because I called her some names I shouldn't have and for a few months I started spending more time on our computer then we spent together; half of this was due to boredom of the place we were living in. There was nothing to do, and she agreed that she was bored out of her mind - things I tried to do with her were boring; not because she was boring, but because the place we lived was boring. She attributed this as neglect and told me that I ignored her, and didn't 'love her'.

Measure those things up to what she did to me, mixed with the fact that I stook around through everything she did to me - and tell me how I'm "not dedicated to our marriage". I let her hit me, let her spend the night in another man's bed, and I still stayed - even after she told me for 3 weeks after the OM that she didnt love me.

In this respect, I feel that she's being childish - there's no reason she should be leaving us after a year and a few months of marriage basing her reason solely on, "I tried everything and you will never change." Especially when she refuses to do MC or IC. Half of the reason she left, also, was because I didnt have a job for 8 months during school and she did. I have worked nonstop since I was 15 years old - and that 8 months was the only time since I was 15 that I haven't been working - I felt I deserved a break; i was incredibly stressed out with my medical problems, and the fighting and at the time - we didn't need money to live, we would have been able to get by. I figured me working would make things even worse at home; not to mention make school harder - things we didn't need at the time. I even told her that she didn't need to work while we are at school that semester, but she insisted on it anyways. I know everyone has their reasons; but these reasons sound more like a scapegoat for leaving me which is in reality for some other reason that she's not telling me, either because

a) she married me for the wrong reason to begin with.
b) shes just deciding that she wants to party it up as a single person again and is "bored" with married life.
c) some other reason

------------------------------------------

What on Earth is she going to do is she marries someone who cheats on her, or heaven forbid beats her. What I did was NOT that bad; yes it was wrong, and I apologized - but to act like it can't be forgiven ever is ludicrous; especially after only a year of marriage. I felt like telling this to her, but I held back knowing it would only cause problems..

She wanted to get pregnant during the middle of our problems about a month ago, kept saying that "A baby would bring us closer together." Naturally, I assessed the situation and saw that

#1) we were both in school; didnt have a ton of money, and are only 20 and 19.
#2) we were fighting and she had threatened to leave before already
#3) she had spent the night at OM's house once before, and was emailing another one behind my back

-----------------------

How would I ever bring a baby into that? So - I told her we weren't ready, and that I wanted to make sure we (mainly she) was 100% sure of the relationship before we had a baby. She got pissed at me, and on her baby forums stated that she was leaving because I "wasnt a family man" and that "i couldnt decide what I wanted". Well...sorry for being responsible and looking out for the well-being of our family. Ugh. How does she expect to be responsible enough for a baby when she runs out on her marriage a year and five months into it because things are a tad rough for awhile - giving a marriage a year and five months then backing out on it without even trying counseling or conflict resolution, let alone options like transferring schools or areas, is HARDLY TRYING as she so aptly claimed, "Sorry I can't take this anymore - I've tried everything to save this marriage." Right. Is she going to run out on her baby when it gets old enough to talk back to her and do something she doesn't like too? Because that's how she's treated this marriage.

This is why I'm leaving. I love her to pieces, and I wanted a family more than anything with her - but, although I messed up in our marriage; I HAVE stayed committed to solving my problems and bettering myself as a husband; she hasn't. And I certainly cannot have a family with someone who is so easy to quit and run off into the sunset - heaven forbid she didn't have her miscarriage and this happened, then what!?!

She still to this day denies that what she did with the OM and lying/changing her email address and password is not wrong. She still acts like me checking her emails after these things happened is "controlling" and "invasion of privacy" yet...all I've been trying to do is protect our marriage. Why does it matter anyhow? If she checked my email, I could care less - its just as much her business as it is mine.

Little things like this are what has run this into the ground. Yes, I messed up - I can't reinforce this enough; but in the general scheme of things; leaving me because of what I did isn't really an awesome reason to divorce someone. Look at me...? Have I divorced her after what she's dcne? No. I'm divorcing her now because she's just become hugely unfaithful to our vows and what we stood for; its like she doesn't care anymore. Sticking around for my W is one thing; but I will NOT risk my dreams, nor my health for someone who can't decide whether or not she loves the man she MARRIED. That was something she should have decided before she got married; not afterwards.

I hope that, more than anything; she'll realize that she has problems and that leaving me isn't going to solve them. This is going to happen in her next relationship too - and the next one; especially if she quits over something so minute. I can't reitterate enough - I have given her the world; and discounting the period of neglect and the name calling; she has even said "I have never been happier in my life than with anyone other than you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me - I'm just not happy anymore". She will never find a man who loves her as much as I do and have; this is something I can guarantee - you can't love someone more than being willing to die for them; and to this day I would still die for her; even through all of this crap - for my wife that is - not this WS that has taken her place.

This whole situation saddens me; because I know I will make a wonderful dad, and a wonderful husband - the best possible; especially after going through this learning experience and growing in God and myself. These are things she always wanted; and I feel like she's robbing herself of a sure thing by leaving me - I have proven myself to her once; she knows I am a good man...but she'd rather be faced with uncertainty then come back and give things a shot. Bleh.

bump - I edited my post.

Anyhow, I have a huge headache - I'm going to go out with some friends.

Hey Fox:

I thought you were leaving?...........NOW GET YOUR LITTLE PUNK BAReLY OUTTA TEEN AGE BUTT back to the table.....and SIT DOWN !!

There is work to be done bra'''and none of this has to be about your lying, cheating, betraying WAyward. WE have work to do and this is no time to be "giving up". Yeah, yuo can give up on the wife if you would like...but you aint giving up on your life or giving up the many people who care about you (family, friends alike)

Now, lets sack up and get back to work.

Sour.......

I am drugged up on some ambien (couldn't sleep)......don't hold my slurring agasit me,

Whoa LM, that was ......subtle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Drugs or no drugs, I believe you meant every word of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Fox, r u listening?

L.

lol - I never said about giving up on life. Who said that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

If anything - I'm moving on with life! I love my friends and family; why would I give them up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am doing this because its going to help me better my life; I won't be getting owned my stress anymore and can focus on school and God now without having to worry if my W is going to decide she's pissed and leave again.

Oh...


If you're talking about my rant in the other thread - yeah, I know - I was just pissed off. I still love God, and no I'm not giving up on life that's just silly.

Aaron - I sense a lot of grieving that still has to happen for you.

Believer,

Believe me - (since you are a believer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />) I am greatly sad about this; and I'm sure plenty of days are going to come where I will cry myself to sleep after this has passed - but I don't feel like there is anything else I can do as far as putting myself on the line for this marriage is concerned. If she can look me in the eyes and tell me, "I am committed to trying to make things work with all of my heart, and not with this half-assed, I will ignore you and not contact you for weeks at a time and say that its because I'm too busy to" then I won't leave; but things aren't going to happen that way - she has her mind made up.

Right now, anger is the only thing keeping me on my feet - once that anger subsides I will rightfully so be extremely sad and more than likely depressed.

If you are referring to me staying here in order to work through this depression process, I have no objections.

Fox,

I so admire your strength. I have been reading your posts & the difference between you and me is like night & day. Again, I wish I had the belief that you have in yourself to stand up and do what is needed to be done.

Kim

Fox

I betrayed my H in a pretty deep way and I have climbed out of the fog & darkness to give him my all.
Who knows where it will end? Good I hope.
But its possible you know.

Though you want to move on, to end the pain, have you thought that 'Plan b' might be the better way to go right now? I haven't read all your previous posts - been having a baby lol - so you may have been through all of that.

But I remember some advice given to me.."it ain't over till its over honey"

However taking a holiday from it may be exactly what you need right now. May still all go down the drain but at least you can look at yourself and say "I did EVERYTHING to save it"

You have a heart of gold Fox, if my little boy turns out as well then I will have done a great job.

Lots of hugs to you!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well - I find it hilarious how everyone sees I have a good heart except my W! Isn't life corny.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Fox

Shame file admission... I hated my H guts for a time, no ligitimit reason, he was a easy target.

it can & does change Fox.

Everything right now is classic self justification for her actions.


And you, well you are a utter [censored] didn't you know? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
You made Eve eat the apple, oh and the storms last week, those were your fault too,..... and why are you still breathing?

KWIM??? all fog crap Fox. Shes in deep.

The only thing is - I sent her an e-mail tonight saying:

"Shan-

Mail me the divorce papers so I can sign them and have them filed"

-A"


I was extremely hurt this morning, and obviously I still am. I don't think she realizes how much love busting she is doing, doing this to me. I would still love it if she wanted to work things out - I still love her; and I know I'd make an awesome husband and father - but if she continues to do this; I don't know if I'm going to stick around. I want the fog to clear more than anything; but school starts in a month and I am NOT going back there without her if she wants to remain married. I refuse to have her back out on that commitment that she made to us when I was already there when we got married; not to mention that shes going to be throwing away her schooling in the process.

I wish she'd see that I'm sincere when I tell her I love her and that I want to make a difference in her life as well as mine and in our marriage.

Anyhow I'm going out for the night with some friends; gunna go party in downtown seatown - talk to you all later.

God bless