I do believe that I screwed up royally last night. I asked WH if he could talk as my counselor encouraged us to talk about the problems that had plagued me over the years with SF(leading to me eventually pushing him away emotionally and physically). So, we talked about that for two or three sentences and then he wanted to know if we had talked about the "recent events".

I said "Do you mean the letter I delivered?"(to OWsH/exposure). "yes, I did tell her about that."

WH wanted to know what we talked about in relation to the letter. I said that I wasn't going to give him information that would enable his A. I asked him why he felt like the A needed to be such a secret. If he believed so much in what he was doing, why did it need to be a secret?

WH: "It's not a secret, you pretty much know everything."
I told him that it was in reference to the OW'sH. WH still feels the need to protect OW and that now the situation went from bad to worse. Ho, Hum I a tired of hearing about her. I told him that maybe he needed to just move out. I cold see that saddened him. He said he was sorry for all of the pain he was causing me to go through and that he was a screw-up.

So.....the conversation progressed to me saying that he has not tried to work on our marriage(in response to something he said, which I can't remember). He said he tried for years!!!!!!!!!(in reference to him trying to stick with me although I was so horrible to live with - me giving him no attention and no affection) At that time I was clueless that I was causing him such pain, I was unconsciously avoiding anything that would lead to SF.

I told him that I meant he had not tried since all of this had come out in the open. He said he had tried, but he just couldn't break off contact with OW. I said "yes, you can do it." He said "I don't want to do it."

At that point, I buried my face in my hands and broke down sobbing. I proceeded to jump up, throw the ottman and run out the front door. I just ran and ran, ran out the front of my subdivision and up the road. I didn't get too far as I got winded. After settling down, I walked back to our yard and sat in back for quite some time.

I returned to the house later....WH came to sit by me & again said he was sorry, put his arms around me. Said that I "have been wonderful & incredible through all of this." I told him I didn't want to hear that again(has used that line quite a bit over the past couple of weeks). I said maybe it is better if I were just dead(I KNOW THAT WAS A BIG NO NO....I was definitely out of control and beside myself last night). But, it was how I felt. He said that NO, DS needed me. I just shook my head. I told him the story that bObpure posted with the BS killing himself.

After calming down, WH asked me to come inside and he would hold me and we could talk more. We got into bed and he held me....We kissed and later were intimate.......

Today I am back to trying to Plan A very hard.

So, that's my story. I know this is a long post....I shortened it as much as I could. I screwed up by getting so upset and letting myself spiral out of control and get so low.

Is my WH some nut who feels like he can't turn away a damsel in distress??? Hence his inablity to cut ties with OW and the fact that he gets closer to me when I get upset and cry??? Or does he really want to comfort me??

How badly did I screw up last night??

Kim
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 5

Kim,

As bad as you feel, you actually made progress. The problem is your H is still a WS and his words are stil meant to hurt not help.

If you are done with your plan A improvements it w/b best to consider moving to plan B. See right now you have been exonerated of sorts so he can't hold the A against you. If he does, you can slap him with babbling charges and he will not be able to wiggle his way out of that one.

Now go have a good cry and go do some journaling. My WS did the same thing and I sent him packing because his confessions and supposed support was making me sick. Re: The A was still in full swing just with a twist.

See the OP and WS concot a plan to appease the BS a bit but still have their A. Well the BS might fall for it but not for long since it is not sincere and like the A it is a temporary fix.

R U ready t/g to plan B?

L.

Thanks Orchid for your reply, was just getting ready to sign off & go to bed.

I just got my hands on a copy of SAA a day or two ago & have been reading it. The story with Sue & Jon is like mine(except for the twist with mine of the "supposed" abuse) in that this is a very strong EA. In the story, Jon was counseled to allow 6 months due to the involvement of the A. I haven't gotten far enough in the book to see if that was for both Plan A & Plan B.....I have thought about Plan B and have been wondering if it was time to implement.

Will definitely begin reading up more on Plan B.....

I also just bought a journal on Thursday!! Will try to write more down in that instead of using this forum to get all of my thoughts out!!

Thanks again!

Kim

Use both (posting here and journaling). I kept my journal on my computer. Make sure your journal is in a safe place and don't share it with the WS. It m/b tempting but not safe.

Keep reading and then get the book Love must be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. It is a good one to consider when learning about plan B.

take care,
L.

Kimberly,

""He said he had tried, but he just couldn't break off contact with OW. I said "yes, you can do it." He said "I don't want to do it.""

Because I can sit on my fence and be a cake eater, and I can accomplish this be being troubled, and acting goofy, and complaining that (sigh) I just don't know what to do...(I sure am loving this sitch..what a stud I am)

""He said he was sorry for all of the pain he was causing me to go through and that he was a screw-up.""

But, if you think I am going stop your pain and queer this hot deal I've got going, you are loony.

""Is my WH some nut who feels like he can't turn away a damsel in distress??? Hence his inablity to cut ties with OW and the fact that he gets closer to me when I get upset and cry??? Or does he really want to comfort me??""

Your WH IS a nut, sitting on a fence eating cake. He seems to be doing the damsel and comforting you to stay on the fence.

""WH asked me to come inside and he would hold me and we could talk more. We got into bed and he held me....We kissed and later were intimate......"" Comforting you and doing you!! Then back up on the fence with his selfesteem riding high.

Sounds as if your plan A is not knocking him off the fence. You have exposed to all concerned? You mentioned a letter to OWs H. What effect did that have? Is the OW still at home with her H?

What time frame do you have for the plan A?

Plan A can be very frustrating if the boy won't come down off the fence.

If he is intimate with the OW and then you are intimate with him, because of Plan A, makes him happy as a pig in slop up on that perch.

As long as there in intimacy with the OW you should stop all intimacy with him. Tell him the reason is you are afraid of STDs from this tramp. Tell him to go get tested at the doctors, before he even thinks about entering your bed.

I could be dead wrong on this, because it is not meeting his EN's but there has to something thrown hard enough to knock him off the fence.

k

krusht -

Your response cracked me up. Kim has a WH just like mine. I got tired of hearing his cr*p. He screwed up, was no good, couldn't help himself, meanwhile rutting like a pig with OW.

I finally decided they could have each other.