Okay, so I write this email to my wife earlier:


"Shan-

Mail me the divorce papers so I can sign them and have them filed"

-A"


and this is how she responds: brace yourselves its so hilarious, I'm still laughing and I read it ten minutes ago.

This is what my W wrote me back -

aaron~ why the change in heart? you don't talk to me for weeks and then this? if that's what you want to do, then fine. i think we both knew it was going to end this way anyway, but no matter what, you can't avoid me. you have things of mine at the irizarry's and we still need to go through everything at the apartment. i will bring the papers to you myself so we can discuss things and you can sign at that time, and i will file. next time, don't make your e-mail so short and impersonal especially after absolutely ignoring me for the past 2 weeks. you are still married to me ya know and i deserve a little bit more than that. e-mail me back if it won't break off your fingers to actually write me more than a sentence...

~shannon

and since when did you start signing your e-mails "a"...last time i checked your name was aaron....

--------------------------------------------------

What the hell is this? She hasn't made any effort to talk to me; and she plays the guilt trip on me like this is my fault? LOL!

"why the change in heart? you dont talk to me for weeks and now this?" - last time I checked, I have been the only one to make contact over the past MONTH. I talked to her a week ago; and then left her her own space; last time I checked - she could have easily wrote me or emailed me.

How the hell am I supposed to respond to this e-mail anyways? What a joke - WS blather and false justification like I've never heard it.

"Pick up a finger and type something" - funny, i'm the only one who ever does this to begin with; last time I checked she has made no effort to contact me in how long? Over a week now?

"If thats what you want to do then fine" - lol...like she didn't want to?

"I think we both knew it was going to end this way" - more like she's caused it to end this way; it was her decision, not mine. Has she forgot I've spent the last month trying to save things?

"I will bring the things and then I WILL FILE" - LOL control freak much?

"Next time dont make the email so short and impersonal - especially after ignoring me for the past two weeks" - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER HEARD.

I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKES ANY EFFORT TO TALK TO HER AND SHE SAYS I IGNORE HER? I CALL HER EVERYDAY IN THE MORNING AND I AM IGNORING HER? SHE GOES FOR DAYS AT A TIME WITHOUT EMAILING ME SAYING SHES TOO BUSY TO, YET SHE POSTS ON HER BABY FORUMS EVERYDAY??!?!? AND IM IGNORING HER? LMFAOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG I AM LAUGHING SO HARD! WS BLATHER HAS NEVER BEEN SO RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY! LMFAOHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

"You are still married to me you know and I deserve a little more respect then that" - what respect have I ever gotten from her this past month? .....panties in a bunch much? Let me see...oh wait; NONE!!!! How long have I let her walk over me out of respect? Did I not go with her to her dad's for the 4th of July where she completely ignored me - out of respect? Even though it made me feel like [censored]? LOL! OOOHKAY WIFEY!

This brings the word hypocrite to a whole new level. Wow....if she's not in a full blown A right now, I don't know who is. LOL! WOW! LOLOLOLOL!!!!! IM SORRY THIS IS SO HILARIOUS!!!

"Since when did you stop signing your emails aaron, your name isn't a" - Dunno, the moment she stopped signing hers "love"?

WOW....just WOW, I don't even know where to go from here I'm laughing so hard - she has lost her MIND! WOW LOL!

Veterans PLEASE respond, I am so confused LOL! Laughing so hard - no clue what to do now!

-God bless guys, I'm going to sleep well tonight, dying of laughter as we speak.

I still would like to save this marriage; and I think this proves she's lost her mind...LOL, wow - I'm sorry but simply WOW!

I want - so badly to email her back and quote her words; then give her examples of how badly she's smoking crack - but I know that won't be productive at all. How the hell am I supposed to respond to this!??!!?!?! LOLOLOOLOLOLLOLO!

LOL!!! AND...I checked a forward she sent me; checked the e-mail addresses and surprise surprise; a person with a 78 in their name; add up the years and thats = to the age of the OM she was planning on getting together with. DAMN! I NEED PROOF OF AN A!!!!!!!!! AGH! THIS ALL MAKES COMPLETE SENSE NOW!

Are you saying that OM is a 15 year old? That's all I can come up with when I add up 7+8.

She certainly sounds confused.

ewon

no 78 as in 1978 as a birthdate.

YIKES Fox, WS trippin' off the deep end? Hm..... she had to reach deep to make those accusations, eh? LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> That's why plan B is sooo effective. Sooner or later, the WS come out of hiding but then the BS gets accused of all kinds of junk.

When my WS blathered that way to me, at first it hurt, then when I got plan B smart I let him to the bathroom and told him to babble to the mirror. That he was no longer making sense even if it was in English. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yep that is what a WS will do. Funny yet sad isn't it?

What r u t/d? Well what do you want t/d and what do you think it will accomplish? Here's where we need to make sure your actions are not done on an emotional level. Instead pray for the clear mind and calm heart because after you stop laughing, you will need a clear and calm way to respond to the WS. Reverse babble could come in handy but not too sarcastic.

Here's my example:

Dear WS:

In response to some of your statements, here are some answers and clarifications:

WS: Why the sudden change?

1. Not sudden. After long soul searching, I have found I no longer want to deal with a WS. I wany my wife back but NOT the hurtful character she has become.

NOTE: Reponse in the 3rd party form. They get less hurt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WS: i think we both knew it was going to end this way anyway, but no matter what, you can't avoid me. you have things of mine at the irizarry's and we still need to go through everything at the apartment.

2. No you knew it was going to end this way and you have worked hard to do so. As for avoiding you, well you worked hard to make that happen also. Not sure where all your things are, for that matter now sure where all of you reside. Going through stuff at the apartment, well I will need to get back to you.

WS:i will bring the papers to you myself so we can discuss things and you can sign at that time, and i will file. next time, don't make your e-mail so short and impersonal especially after absolutely ignoring me for the past 2
weeks.

NOTE: Now Fox, as for her bringing the papers, that's for you to decide. If you can handle it fine, if not you've got a lawyer right?

3. Hm.... short and impersonal e-mails....isn't that what you wanted? Trying hard to be accmodating but you sure send confusing messages. Will give it some thought.

Ws:you are still married to me ya know and i deserve a little bit more than that. e-mail me back if it won't break off your fingers to actually write me more than a sentence...

4. I may be still married to you but my actions have been going on the fact that you are not acting like you are still married to me. Goes both ways ya know. In fact it does take 2 people to be married. Btw, my finders won't break off but you certainly have tried hard to break other parts of my body. Stay away from my fingers.


WS:and since when did you start signing your e-mails "a"...last time i checked your name was aaron....

5. Hm..... u r right. A is for Aaron. In case you forgot. Not sure if you even wanted to see my name. So far you have not wanted to see or hear from me, so I again was just trying to accmodate you. You know you give very confusing signals.

Well dear WS, hope that's answered your questions.

take care,
A.

--------------------------------------------------

A: What the hell is this? She hasn't made any effort to talk to me; and she plays the guilt trip on me like this is my fault? LOL!

Orchid: Fox, you have pushed her buttons and as a WS you have her fuming. U m/b doing something right, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

A: "why the change in heart? you dont talk to me for weeks and now this?" - last time I checked, I have been the only one to make contact over the past MONTH. I talked to her a week ago; and then left her her own space; last time I checked - she could have easily wrote me or emailed me.

Orchid: No need to question your actions. Remember WS' like to alter history. Don't be surprised if she says the same thing next time. See your attempts to talk or see her don't count. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

A: How the hell am I supposed to respond to this e-mail anyways? What a joke - WS blather and false justification like I've never heard it.

Orchid: Well I gave my examples above. I would keep it kind of cool and aloof. Give her answers but leave her wondering what you are up to. It will drive the WS nuts and that is what you want. Your W on the othr hand should understand and knowing you are ignoring the WS but showing you still want your W back may send a small message to the prisoner within.

A: "Pick up a finger and type something" - funny, i'm the only one who ever does this to begin with; last time I checked she has made no effort to contact me in how long? Over a week now?

Orchid: Like I said, WS' like to rewrite history. I even asked my WS if he was in a different time zone because in some cases a few hours is reported as a 'long time ago' (when asked when was the last time he communicated with the OW, yet 5 days of NC with me was too short for him. Go figure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


A: "If thats what you want to do then fine" - lol...like she didn't want to?

Orchid: Ya, more babble.

A: "I think we both knew it was going to end this way" - more like she's caused it to end this way; it was her decision, not mine. Has she forgot I've spent the last month trying to save things?

Orchid: Remember WS' have a selective memory disorder.

A: "I will bring the things and then I WILL FILE" - LOL control freak much?

Orchid: Now you are getting the better pix of how they think? Accuse you as the BS of what they as the WS are doing. So the BS gets confused but when you realize the WS is accusing you of the WS actions, it is high time to babble back and give them back their accusations.

A: "Next time dont make the email so short and impersonal - especially after ignoring me for the past two weeks" - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER HEARD.

Orchid: More babble and very stupid.

A: I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKES ANY EFFORT TO TALK TO HER AND SHE SAYS I IGNORE HER? I CALL HER EVERYDAY IN THE MORNING AND I AM IGNORING HER? SHE GOES FOR DAYS AT A TIME WITHOUT EMAILING ME SAYING SHES TOO BUSY TO, YET SHE POSTS ON HER BABY FORUMS EVERYDAY??!?!? AND IM IGNORING HER? LMFAOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG I AM LAUGHING SO HARD! WS BLATHER HAS NEVER BEEN SO RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY! LMFAOHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Orchid: I know. Bet you wouldn't have believed it until you lived through it. Welcome to the club. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

A: "You are still married to me you know and I deserve a little more respect then that" - what respect have I ever gotten from her this past month? .....panties in a bunch much? Let me see...oh wait; NONE!!!! How long have I let her walk over me out of respect? Did I not go with her to her dad's for the 4th of July where she completely ignored me - out of respect? Even though it made me feel like [censored]? LOL! OOOHKAY WIFEY!

Orchid: Her response sets her up big time. Use your response wisely.

A: This brings the word hypocrite to a whole new level. Wow....if she's not in a full blown A right now, I don't know who is. LOL! WOW! LOLOLOLOL!!!!! IM SORRY THIS IS SO HILARIOUS!!!

Orchid: Yes it does. Now you know why we call this the 'fog'. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

A: "Since when did you stop signing your emails aaron, your name isn't a" - Dunno, the moment she stopped signing hers "love"?

Orchid: More babble.

A: WOW....just WOW, I don't even know where to go from here I'm laughing so hard - she has lost her MIND! WOW LOL!

Veterans PLEASE respond, I am so confused LOL! Laughing so hard - no clue what to do now!

-God bless guys, I'm going to sleep well tonight, dying of laughter as we speak.

I still would like to save this marriage; and I think this proves she's lost her mind...LOL, wow - I'm sorry but simply WOW!

Orchid: Glad you are getting some rest. Things will settle and you will be in more control in the morning. Glad you could see the humor in this. This shows you are progressing past the shock point. So out of this world doncha think? The scary part is that it seems there is a ship load of them hovering over the earth. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Well ultimately I want her to see how dumb she's being - and I do want to get her back; but I don't know how to do so.

She's throwing away her entire life over this dumb decision making. She is ditching school, ditching me; and now she's making absurd accusations - me ignoring her? LOL take a look in the mirror girl.

Fox,

I edited my post above, so read it again please.

G'nite,
L.

Orchid - you made me laugh so hard when I read this I think I woke every single person in the house up. I have not laughed that hard out loud in an extremely long time. I think I pulled a muscle in my chest.

Orchid - how again does this reverse babble make positive progress and not LB?

I want to fix things; and I'm running out of time to be with her - leave for school in August. Trying to figure things out as quickly as I can - would really love to have her come back to school; otherwise she'll being ruining her career as well has being forced to pay back her loans immediately.

Oh Fox, didn't mean to make you strain a muscle and wake up the household. LOL!!!

Well son, get some rest. Me thinks the alien may try to land tomorrow. You'd best be prepared.

G'nite.

L.

Orchid did you see my second post?

Reverse babble gives the WS back their pain. It keeps it off the shoulders of the BS and family. As for fixing things, you can't right now. Why? Because you can't fix a WS. The WS has to change to an Xws then back to your spouse before you can fix anything.

You said it correctly that she is ruining her career and other important parts of her life. Don't belittle your M.

Her actions in other areas shows she is not in control and that the A is a disease n

Thought you needed some shut eye?

L.

I do need shut eye, but this is more important this is my M :P

I have all of my life to sleep; i only have a month to figure things out.

So - how do I get my W to come back? How does she become a XWS?

In order for you to deal with this matter with a clear mind and calm heart, u need your rest. Maybe not your beauty sleep like some of us but you are still a growing young one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The WS will change to an Xws in time. The kicker w/b where will you be when that happens. You could have already moved on or choose to ride the roller coaster a bit longer. Time will tell. One thing most young ones have a hard time with is patience. I know I did. But 'if you wait, it will come'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now go get some shut eye. By now it is late even for me and I need my beauty sleep. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Hey 'A' (Is this a 'Men In Black' thing... since you are officially now dealing with the Alien version of your W?)

I wanted to tell you to make sure that you are really listening to Orchid. She's wery wery wise.

Her ability to 'reverse babble' is legendary. With it, she's able to tackle something that would otherwise be hurtful and frustrating and turn it into a form of entertainment that tops most professional sports.

John

Post deleted by Fox0r

You can do whatever you want, but I can tell you for sure that you are heading down the WRONG road with a LONG letter like that. Just when you have her starting to head back in your direction you are going to fall into the "spill your guts trap" once again. As you can tell by her response to you, she seems to be WONDERING what is going on with you (which is what you need her to do) and she is making ASSUMPTIONS based on her wondering. By her making these assumptions in her reply to you, it showed that she is slowly wavering and starting to PURSUE you by revealing her thoughts. Men who are successful with women do NOT play all of the cards they are dealt. You are revealing too much of your inner thoughts at a time when it is best to hold back for awhile.

I know you are dying to tell her ALL of your inner feelings and spill your guts. DON'T do it. It never works... What you are doing IS WORKING. SHE is starting to open up FIRST by blaming you for backing off...

Just email her back like this... (my words in quotes and caps are to show YOU important words that you are to say back to her. Do not put them in quotes or caps back to her.)


Shan... Sorry about "APPEARING" short with you. That is not my intention and I do apologize. "HOWEVER, I HAVE been very busy trying to juggle a lot of things and have not had much time for some reason.

I know we have some things to go over, so let me know when it is best for you and I will try my best to accomodate...
I don't know what is going to happen in the future and really am not going to worry about it because I am just trying to take things as they come and live one day at a time.

Well, I do have to run. Hope you don't think this is short or impersonal again, because that is not my intention. You were right though, in that this time apart was probably what we needed.

Talk to you later,

"a"




Get it? what you are doing IS working. You have her curiosity picked. Don't blow it by spilling your guts. Spilling your guts WILL NOT WORK. Hold back and let her CONTINUE TO COME TO YOU... Just keep doing what you are doing. Tell her that you ARE NOT being impersonal.Tell her you are SORRY that she feels that way, and yet continue on about your business of being a busy man and a confident man who has realized that chasing and whining and spilling your guts to a woman who is distant... DOES NOT AND CAN NOT AND WILL NOT WORK..... just stay backed off for awhile and let her accuse, wonder, assume, and try to tell you HOW YOU FEEL. She is grasping for straws and trying to see if you are still the weak, whining, pressuring man that she kept telling you she was not attracted to. Don't fall for her trap of getting you to reveal more than is necessary to show her that you are not being mean, but are being SMART.

Think FoxOR. THINK......

FoxOr,

If you haven't sent your WW a reply consider the following advice: DON'T. Your silence will speak volumes to her foggy head than all the wise words you could possibly conceive and throw at her with your e-mails or phone conversations. This will be the acid test to determine if your WW is or is not the salvageable kind. The salvageable WW, despite her unfaithful behavior, still has plenty of love left in her heart for her BH and hopes that he can become the man she fell in love with, but at the same time FEARS that going back to him will put their marriage back to the way it was before the affair started. It is only when the BH sincerely expresses his desire [it has to be an honest expression or it won't work] to end the marriage that the salvageable WW receives a cold splash of reality in to her foggy head that HER BH DOES NOT NEED OR WANT THE WOMAN SHE HAS BECOME IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. At this stage, the OM looses his attraction and the WW starts to pursue her BH by trying to contact him in order to convince him to NOT divorce her. The BH must show a tremendous amount of emotional courage and not give in to any attempts by his WW to try to negotiate a continuation of the status quo. No matter how much the BH still loves his WW, he MUST be resolute in his decision not to negotiate away the deal breaker conditions that his WW must meet in order for him to reconsider stopping the divorce otherwise he will soon find out that the 'recovery' is a false one [i.e. joe.c situation]. Conditions such as:

1. The immediate ending of all contact with the OM.
2. The writing of a NC letter by the WW, reviewed and mail by the BH.
3. A extreme desire and willingness on the part of BOTH WW and BH to become totally committed to the concepts of mutual accountability and transparency to one another in order to restore the trust that has been broken on BOTH sides*.
4. A committment on BOTH WW and BH to implement the MB principles embodied in Dr Harley's books.
5. A vow by the BH to his FWW to NEVER, EVER throw the affair in the FWW's face when there is a heated argument between them.

These non-negotiable, deal breaker conditions MUST be agreed by BOTH of you in order to halt any divorce proceedings. If she does not want to then make peace with her decision and proceed to move on with your life without her.

TMCM




*Remember that a salvageable WW FEARS that going back to her BH will put their marriage back to the way it was before the affair started. She has lost the trust in her BH to be the man she fell in love with and cared for her like no man ever did.

this is the thing - i don't know if there is even an A going on - so how can I get her to admit anything; let alone expose anything?