Am now moved to new state with WH and 2 children. WH had 6 mo. A with co-worker (both military) and my D-day was 6/21-1 week before packers came. Have had roller-coaster of emotions since leaving NM 7/5--visited his family--parents, brother, etc and currently staying with my parents until new house ready. Says has had no contact (since call 7/6)with OW--have checked phone and made sure one of the kids was with him at all times. At his going-away, she was there--never even saw them look at each other. On the day we left NM (7/6)said he called her @ work "for closure" but admitted telling her he didn't know if things would work out for him and me (stringing her along?). It has been hard not telling anyone--I want to empathize/protect him from feeling worse about himself yet want to throttle him for putting me in a position where I feel like he's getting away with the whole A. Am trying not to be a doormat though cannot imagine my life without him. Finally he started to read "after the A" (today)that I bought him. I read it in one day and have felt in limbo waiting for him to catch up so we can work on things. One of the hardest things is I still want affection from him. We stopped being intimate a few months before D-day--why couldn't I see it then?? (Wasn't ready to deal with it). Now I feel very "randy" all the time; I guess for that connection or to make myself feel worthwhile, wanted. I told him I understand feeling awkward but that he wasn't "in love" with OW the first time slept with her so why can't he be with me? Cannot say he loves me either. I try not to be too affectionate--come on too strong for him but when do I push for my needs to be fulfilled? Should I take it badly that can't even say he loves me? Shouldn't some of the confusion be gone now?

It is way to early for him to be back to normal. He needs to write her a no contact letter. Is he willing to do that?

And what about Orchid's reverse babble? Is there anyway for me in incorporate that into the reply you have me Keep?

oops wrong thread - sry!

He has not written NC letter but we have been together almost 24/7 since leaving NM and I have been checking his cell and find no record of calling. He is going out of town on business 8/25; I think would call her then if going to. He cannot call her at work (his new job). Should I wait until there is contact? He told her on D-day that it was over and he would not call but did on 7/6 when we left NM--swears every time I ask no contact (though has lied to my face before). What if he refuses to do NC letter? Threaten?

No, you shouldn't threaten. But if you ask him to write a no contact letter and he refuses, you will know how serious he is about recovery.

It is possible that WS's send NC letter, and then continue contact, but that has not been my experience here. Usually they refuse to write one, saying that it is pointless.

Thanks for the advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And don't feel bad about the 'need for SF'...it's a territory thing...almost all BS's go through it to some degree or another.

I'm "randier" than ever before. And it sucks.

You're right, it does suck. I wonder if he's punishing me for all the times I turned him away.... When your #1 need is for affection and you have to ask for a hug, hand hold, kiss (quick peck), it is humiliating and very hurtful.