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Was purusing Barnes and Noble a few days ago and went to section on relationships (for me, dating after the D)...saw book called "The SCript"...about how to id affairs and the usual progression of what the WS does and what they say in most instances.
Think it could be good here for a lot of folks who are running around going "what? What is up with that? are they lying? Are they really in NC?"
Can help you into the mind of the aliens. And why and what is the mission of the alien invaders.
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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You know what I have noticed? That it takes most people a LONG TIME to detect an affair. I think many sense it, but they ignore their instincts intially. I know that I sure did! Heck, my last H probably carried on his affair for long time and I never caught on until he had left! Looking back, I can see all the signs clearly. But back then, it NEVER EVEN crossed my mind!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why should it cross the BS's mind? I was faithful and assumed he would be too. And there were signs all over the place. I told him I was very worried about our relationship. He promised things would get better.
Looking back, it is all too clear to me. But I don't blame myself.
The WS chooses look outside of the marriage, and then lie about it.
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yeah, well still, the book is rather vicious and non-productive IMHO. It gives you the script, but no hope or plan of what to do about it. There is an awful lot of direspectful man bashing in it. It's not a book that I would particularly recommend.
Me BS 44
XH 45
M 20 years
D19
D12
DDay 11.29.04
Separated 12.29.04
Plan A 24.02.05
Plan B 10.9.05
Plan D 2.2.06
Divorce 13.6.06
OW - former friend and D12's x-godmother (Skunkypoo)
OWH - philander, XH's former best friend (still shares skunkypoo with XH)
Anger = drinking a rat poison and waiting/wishing the rat would notice you drink it and the rat die from it.
Redhat
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Why should it cross the BS's mind? I was faithful and assumed he would be too. And there were signs all over the place. I told him I was very worried about our relationship. He promised things would get better.
Looking back, it is all too clear to me. But I don't blame myself. oh, I don't blame myself either. Like you, I was faithful and just assumed he was too. I know this, though; I will never be so blind again.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm thinking of what chapters must be in there.
ILYBIMILWY
She's abused
It was meant to be
It's all your fault
We only kissed
God wants us to be together
It makes me happy, so it must be good for the marriage
If you expose this, you're just being mean and I hate you
Dobie
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Who is the publisher and author? Does it name the location of the university that hands out those dern diplomas? LOL!!! Oh yea, the mother ship.....does it show who is at the controls!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Can't believe you found the book Peachy. Barnes n Nobles is gonna have a lot of visitors soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
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The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat
Elizabeth Landers, Vicki Mainzer, Vicky Mainzer
KAJ
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Why do they pick on only men? Rather closed minded and sexist to assume only men cheat as we can see from the many hurting male BS's here now.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Too many books out there about cheating..not enough faithful spouses. We need a book out there about faithful spouses and their opinions and rewards they feel they have reaped from being faithful. I think it would be an interesting read. Maxlo
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Too many books out there about cheating..not enough faithful spouses. We need a book out there about faithful spouses and their opinions and rewards they feel they have reaped from being faithful. I think it would be an interesting read. Maxlo So howz this for a title: Dark vs Dork - A BS' guide through the fog. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
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Sounds good to me.... If you write it, I'll buy it. LOL
Too many darn books on how to catch a cheater or how to recognize when a spouse is cheating. Heck, I have all the info I need already to know when H is cheating. I have learned from past experiences. I guess you can say I am a pro in knowing if H ever cheats again.
Maxlo
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I have learned from past experiences. I guess you can say I am a pro in knowing if H ever cheats again.
Maxlo The only thing I know (as a seasoned pro now) is that I don't want to be cheated on again. Will I know in the future? Maybe. Will I do everything I can to ensure it does not happen? Yes. Will I ever try to recover a relationship if my future partner does this? HELL NO! THat is my key learning and growing experience...I'll never have with another that which I had with my WWXW i.e. kids...The one true motivating factor for recovery and the ONLY reason I didn't boot her on D-Day. Without children I have no reason to put myself through or put up with infidelity. Not bitter or angry, just clear on my bounderies and why. I won't share my mind or body with another, so why shouldn't I expect that from a partner? And why should I allow that boundary to be crossed? 1st marriage with kids makes sense to try and make it work, try to reconcile and move on for the family. 1st marriage and no kids? Why bother? 2nd marriage and no kids? Why bother? Why choose to live with that monster lurking in the closet? Ov course this is all just MHO only..not judging anyone that chooses to stay married under those circumstances, I just couldn't and won't
"Who are you" said the Caterpillar
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present...At least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."
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I believe that book was discussed on Oprah a few months ago. She had an episode where she met with a bunch of cheating WH's, while the BW's listened in from another room. Then she brought them all on stage to talk about it more.
The most I recall from seeing that show, is that "I already know that from my time on MB!". LMAO!!
Karen
d-day Feb 6, 2001
4 month separation, 18 month false recovery, I left WH Nov 2002.
D finalized Dec 17, 2004.
4 beautiful sons, one who is in heaven, have come from the M.
I'm 33 now, VERY happy, but still dealing with the ripple effect of xH's A's and SA.
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I'm thinking of what chapters must be in there.
ILYBIMILWY
She's abused
It was meant to be
It's all your fault
We only kissed
God wants us to be together
It makes me happy, so it must be good for the marriage
If you expose this, you're just being mean and I hate you
Dobie lol - dobie, thanks for the chuckle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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rebornMan....Add another to your reasons to stay or go...
Kids grown and too old to just leave and start anew. Just numb out and do whatever I want to do now. Maxlo
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Ya know, it seems in our society that the finger tends to point at the husband alot. Or at least some of these talk shows. Does anyone know the figures on what sex seems to cheat more? From what I remember, I thought I read somewhere it is the female that tends to have affairs more. Maybe I am incorrect.
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All I have read seems to point to the husbands cheating more than the wives BUT who knows.....maybe the wives have caught up. I read somewhere that it is as high as 80% of the marriages have or had infidelity in them. Maxlo
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Maxie,
I would add that to my list, it is valid to me but I am not at that point yet.
I have a 16,14,10,8 year old.
But if I was in that position, I would say this...
No kids/Kids out of the house?
Screw it, the history means NOTHING to the WS
"Who are you" said the Caterpillar
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present...At least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."
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Theres a lot of money being made out of infidelity thats for sure. For every Excellent SAA, Torn Asunder or not Just Friends, theres five rubbish books and I bought most pof them it seems ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
SAA is the best IMO, because it is written so matter of factly - comprehensible to even a panicking new BS.
Torn is great for Christians.
NJF really helps deconstruct what weaknesses were not protected which propelled the affair.
Incidentally I think I knew Squid was having an affair. I even asked her weeks before d-day but without proof she just denied it.
I think a book like HN/HN with an extra chapter on 'signs of an affair' should be mandatory gifts at wedding ceremonies.
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