I have been coming to this forum for a little over a month. I'm not sure if it would be an exaggeration for me to say the people here have helped me retain my sanity. Certainly I have you all to thank for the fact that I am still, at this point together with my wife. Without the knowlege and wisdom, not to mention support and hope, I found here I am sure I would not have been able to continue in our relationship. I've said it before but I again want to say thank you to you all, you know who you are.

I've showed my wife different postings and told her of the insights I've gained from this forum and website. From initially resisting reading ANYTHING she has twice now expressed an urge to post here as a WS. She hasn't done so for fear of getting beat up. I have told her that while I didn't feel that the people who post here would be mean to her that she would certainly get a lot of honest input even if it was something she didn't want to hear. I think she would gain much from the wisdom to be had here.

As a BS I was welcomed here and got a lot of much needed help. I was wondering if you guys would show the same kindness to the woman I love and let her know that there is no hurt waiting for her here. If this thing flies I'll show her this thread and see if I can get her to register. I have already told her that I would respect her privacy and not try to find out her posting name. I feel like this would be a huge step in our recovery. Thanks in advance guys.

Campdog, there are lots of us FWS posting. If you WW comes on here without making excuses or being fogged up her chances of getting "beat up" are small. That said, even if she is still a bit fogged please encourage her to post. Just let us know and we will give her a helping hand.

Adding to the above I know that Whisper28 was a fogged up WW when she came here and look at her now. There are others you can look for old posts from too like KiwiJ. and kyellow. All God's blessings to you, your wife and your son.

CD,

Another FWW here.....and speaking from someone whose first post was completely 'fogged', I can't thank God enough for this forum. Please tell her she is more than welcome to post....and that it will not only benefit her, but it will also help some BS's understand their WS's better. Mutually beneficial!

PS - and sometimes a small 'beating' is not such a bad thing....coming from one who received quite a few! Nothing like a good swat in the rear to get you thinking straight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I promise not to hit too hard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(kidding.....totally kidding! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />)

Please tell her she is more than welcome here.

campdog, she will be welcomed here, but folks won't help her rationalize bad behavior if she tries. It will be pointed out to her. In other words, folks will tell her what she NEEDS to hear, not neccesarily what she wants to hear. The ones who get beat up are the ones who come here and make excuses. The ones who are honest and take responsibility for their own badself usually don't have any problems. But bullshi** seems to have a short shelf life in this forum. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Campdog,

Please ask your W to come here and post. There are lots of understanding WS's and BS's who can help her through ... they certainly did a job on me! (If you read my earlier posts, you'd understand.) If I could be helped, there's hope for all WS's!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Don't worry, definitely NO 2X4's from me!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Also, something that helped me was when I finally got the courage to post (which was MONTHS!!!), I specifically asked that folks withhold their 2X4's and just simply answer my questions. If I recall correctly, I got just that ... my answers! Once I started trusting the folks here, I was more open to people's judgement and opinions. You may want to suggest this to your W.

Good luck!

Very nice, she'll see this tonight (I hope). Thank you. Anyone else?

Campdog, I’m also a FWW who will offer her help where I can. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If she read this thread tonight, please ask her to take a look at the following threads (just click on the links). She will find all the information & advice in the threads very helpful:

PATs Quickstart Guide for Wayward Spouses
Tools for the Wayward Spouse

I’ve composed a thread on withdrawal. If your W is still in withdrawal, both you and your W will find this thread useful:

A quick start guide on withdrawal for FWS’s and BS’s

Blessings,
Suzet

campdog - please assure your wife that this is a MARRIAGE builders site. If a Wayward Spouse posts, seeking answers to questions, to discuss doubts they might have as to whether on or not RECOVERY is possible or that a "newer and better" marriage can be built with their spouse, that WS WILL get all the support that can be offered.

On the other hand, if they post looking for agreement with their "justifications" or "enablement" to continue in an adulterous affair (and that has happened before), then you can pretty well count on everyone here, Betrayed or Wayward's alike, to "speak the truth" and "confront fogspeak" in love and honesty.

Most us really do want "straight talk" even if we might NOT want to "hear" it right now. And it's especially true for Wayward Spouses who are getting out of the "fog" and questioning if recovery is even possible. They see the wreckage all around them and in their own minds, and "doubt" that it can be done. This site has a lot of people who have been in just that same "boat," and have been through it, who have "charted the course" through the stormy weather, and who are willing to share that map. Whether or not someone wants to use the map, or to strike out on their "own way" is up to them, but we will try to help ANY earnest seeker.

God bless.

Campdog,

Has your W posted? I will try to look for her post if you can point me in the right direction.