yeah.. there ya go... You don't have to actually apply there.. just mention that you are looking into it. Good choice if you may wish to relocate ;-)

Soory if I'm not too clear , We just put down our beautiful sweet golden retriever this week, and we are not doing too great here.

Oh NY Iam so sorry to hear that. We had to put down our chow a few yrs ago and I do know how you feel. she was 14 yrs old. I cried like a baby was very hard.

I am going to apply at the hospital but only for the kitchen or something... No place were I have to see blood ....

Hurting -

Hopefully Ark will add some more ideas. She is the "lighthouse (show them the way home) queen". I remember some of her stuff - sparkling clean house, flowers with a card, notes on refrigerator or calendar, ticket stubs, etc. left around.

If you really get tired of this, come out to visit me in California. Tell the family that you are checking out the "job situation" here. In the meantime, we can have fun, fun, fun. Just drop a hint that you have heard that the jobs are good in Oceanside, CA. That you might fly out and see what is up.

Your husband will get wind of it, and wonder what is going on. But whatever you do, stay very dark to him. Be the mysterious woman. I don't care if you go to the library. Be mysterious about it.

TY, Yeah it hurts, she was 10 and had gotten sick just a week ago. A mass on her heart. She was a rescue that we have had for almost 10 years. We have a 7 yo male and he misses her sooo much. She gave us so much joy. My kids say they feel like they lost a sister.

I have to laugh about the blood& hospital remark! I work in a Dr's office and I LOVE iT! I absolutly do not like blood and guts either. But I can go anywhere . They taught me billing and other marketable skills. The pay here in NY is pretty good too.

You have to do better than Wal-Mart. Its not a contest between you and OW. If it were You have won hands down!
I lurk mostly. Almost 4 years here and I am a faithful reader. After a while you can almost predict the ending. Not that anything Ever ends, but... I see a tremendous ammount of hope for you and WH. I really do. I don't think it was an exit affair. I think he was just looking for attention. An escape of sorts from family life for a while. But don't we always want what we can't have? Or what we have lost? I think he needs to get the idea, that maybe he might lose you. He dosen't really want OW.. she is just conveinient for a bit. Reality will set in. I don't think he will like being on the outside looking in with you and his family. Not for long anyways.
MB was a tremendous help to me in fixing my own stuff. The principles and all. Use it...It WILl help.
I know its hard to see what we see when you are in the eye of this hurricane, but close your eyes and trust what others are telling you.

Ny ty for saying that. I also believe that he was looking for attention because I had not given him any for so long. It's been a real eye opener for me for sure.

I right now am not sure of anything except for the fact I need to take care of me. I was thinking last night as I went to bed, after all that has happen the last or week he has been so angry that maybe he has been pushed away for good. Since Thursday he has been ignoring me pretty good. On Saturday he saw me twice and would not acknowledge me at all, he can barely look at me. Only time we spoke was when I approached him. and of course the phone calls on Friday about kid stuff amd the yesterday about SS numbers. To be honest yesterday I don't think he would have spoke to me or acknowledged me if I had not given him the Plan B letter. I do wonder if he was doing it to punish me to see what I would do or if he really means he is done. I guess on;y time will tell. For now I can't worry about it and move on for myself and my kids.

I do hope for a good outcome but if thats not the case I will be ok and do juist fine. I do trust the advice I am getting here and I followed it pretty good until last week and I allowed WH home, when I shouldn't have. But that one mistake I won't make again without being sure he is really ready.

WH is coming over to see MIL today. Seems my D told him that sge was going to see a lawyer about our house. See MIL paid for our home and we pay her instead of a mortage.

well her name is on the deed as well. WH has been talking about getting a loan to fix it up. Now mind you he says he does not want to live here again but he wants to fix it up.

So now it seems he is worried she is trying to take his name off the house. MIL is so mad right now that D opened her mouth. She must have over heard us talking. Seem D is playing both sides right now for some reason, so I have to be careful what I say around her.

I am afraid this whole house thing is going to blow everything wide open. MIL is going to tell WH she is just seeing a lawyer just to protect her self in this. we still owe her money and she just wants to make sure she gets it.

Not sure what time he is coming to see her but I need to make sure I am not home seeing how its only 7 houses away from MIL.

Seems like everyday its something new. I just hope this dosn't make him more mad at me and more determined. He had told me I could have the house and live here forever, but MIL seems to think he wants to fix it up to sell..... Of course he can't do that with her name on there as well as mine......

hurting, what would be your D's motive for playing both sides? Is she a daddy's girl? I would be very careful what you say in her presence from now on.

Don't "worry" about "making" him mad. You're not. Plain and simple, he's miserable about the sitch he's created and you can darned well bet the OW is on him continually about all kinds of things. HURT - it doesn't matter what you do at this point. He's going to find fault in it.

That's why it's best to be unseen and unheard and that means not talking to SIL, MIL, kids etc. etc. Tell them you're not going to discuss issues about you and WH any longer. They should understand. If not, that's the way it is. You're taking care of you right now. Sorry to be blunt and believe me I know how hard it is, but keep your mouth shut! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He's expecting reaction to his actions. Don't do it in any way shape or form.

I am not sure why D is doing this. In a way she is daddy's girl but then she turns on him when it suits her. I am beginning tothink she is enjopying all this chaos because it taking the focus off her and her behaviors. One thing for sure I will not say anything around her about any of this anymore. she seems to twist everything.

I agree the Ow is pulling the strings right now. Seems like he is trying to win her approval because of all his lies to her. Guess he figures I do all she wants and I can prove I want her. How sick is that....

No more WH talk to anyone except here on the board ,I am afraid of trusting anyone at this point ....

anyone have any ideas how to defuse this ?????

Yep - don't talk to her about it. Even though she's technically an adult, at 18 or any age for that matter, she's still your D and the problems between you and WH are just that - - your problems and not hers.

If she asks you about it, politely explain that the upset with all that's been going on with WH and yourself caused you to use poor judgment in discussing issues with her that shouldn't have been and you're not going to put her in the middle any longer.

The house thing just let it ride. In his eyes no decision you make will be the right thing. Let you MIL do what she needs to its consequences to his actions.

DD18 is still a child, she is trying to draw WH back into the family circle. Remember little ears are there don't discuss stratedgy or any info that is not for general public knowledge. She has learned from him how to engage him.

So what kind of work are you interested in?

Seems things have gone from bad to worse. WH has told SIL that he plans on getting a loan to fix house and wants to move back in it. She seems to think he has plans to try and get house for him and OW because he says he is tired of living in a apt. He keeps saying he does not want to live in town anymore so , MIL seems to think he wants to try and sell house. Well her name is on the deed as well so we know he can't do anything right now with all of us on the deed.

I talked to legal aid today and they won't help me. they said I need a private attorney. In fact the lawyer I spoke to at legal aid was pushing for me to file divorce. I told him no thats not what I want. But he pushed. As far as getting a private attorney, that can't happen because I don't have the money and I have asked family to help and none of them have the money either. So looks like I am at the mercy of WH for now until I find a job. God I hope I find one soon ....

So now we are jsut waiting for him to come talk to MIL. I'm not sure how its gonna go but MIL is done with her son for now. She is so angry about what he is doing.... she knows he is mad because she has sided with me and about the way he has talked to her.

I can't imagine what will be next. I will have no contact with him at all but this is something I do have to keep abreast of to have an idea what he is up to.

This is getting very scary and serious now. I am just waiting for the other shoe to fall.

As far as a job goes anything would work right now... I do have office experience so I looking in that area as well. But I have hit all major stores and business's. I really don't want to work in the food industry but if worse comes to worse I will do it .....

Have you changed the locks yet? Even if you think he doesn't have a key, I think you should it sends a message.

LOL! I know he was there for a little while before...but he just got there. I guess there not much room when the cards start to tumble! He is still bouncing all over the place.

Once you get a job, see if you can open a 0% credit card in your name. So you can start to build your own credit history, some lawyers in my area will accept credit card for payment. Also check on line to see if there is any paperwork in your state you can do on your own and get notorized as a binding agreement for finance and such.

IMHO - You are NOT distancing yourself enough from the crap. Why are you discussing WH issues with SIL etc? WH's are full of talk and no action.

He's being driven by OW's words. IGNORE it. Until you get paperwork, there's not sense in worrying about it. He can't do anything.

Did WH not leave you with any money? No savings etc?

Again FOCUS on you, not listening to what WH has said to SIL, MIL etc. etc. You DO NOT need to keep abreast of what he's up to. It'll drive you crazy and it does absolutely NO GOOD. Let it go. Work on your resume, check your local job service web site, make appt at job serice and see what they can do to help you, go to the library, take a walk, volunteer at the library and the list goes on and on. Stay off of the phone to SIL and MIL. You're letting him make you crazy - stop. Take control of you, you can't control him.

Does you WH have medical insurance through his employer? If so, they may have a Employee Assistsnce Plan that will provide you with some counseling and/or legal advice free of charge.

nope no savings at all. it was kinda of paycheck to paycheck here.

we do have insurance through his job not sure about counceling being taken care of though or legal advice. will have to look it up.

I know i need to distance myself but I have to adnit this is getting scary......

One more thing. They (WH) don't like it one little bit when they see BS are taking care of themselves, getting on with things and not wallowing (sp) in self pity. Show him you're not waiting around for him to get his S together. Get a new haircut, spify up the house, clean the car etc. etc. etc. Yes, he'll hear about it through the grapevine.

It'll get worse before it gets better. IGNORE it - FOCUS on YOU.

Call you medical insurance carrier and ask or you may have to call your WH employer to find out.

Again your WH is all full of talk (driven by OW) and no action.