WH called this morning. I let voice mail pick it up. He wanted to know why I had not told him about the phone bill or son having trouble at school. He then called D's cell and she tried to get me to talk to him. I refused . He started asking her to ask me about the bills. I told her what was due and she relayed it. He then asked her if I was looking for a job, she said yes she is.

Called MIl and she said good for you not talking to him. MIL has decided not talking to him is the best thing for her as well. She is riding this rollercoaster almost as bad as I am. I have explained the MB plans with her and she is kinda following them herself. I think it will help us both to heal from all of this...

You can be assured that he didn't have a fun night at bowling and didn't sleep well if he called you first thing in the a.m. Too bad, so sad. It'll only continue to get worse for him.

Relaying through D isn't good though. Best to explain to D that you're not going to put her in the middle. He full well knows how much money you need to pay bills, put food on the table etc. Why didn't you tell him about your S problem in school. Well HELOOOOOO is anybody out there. You DumbA**. You haven't been part of our world. It's been all about YOU and how YOU are feeling and what YOU are doing and and and.

Stay strong.

I am going to talk to D when she gets home and let her know that I don't want to put her in the middle. I will let her know that if he tries again she needs to tell him to go through his sister.

Your right if he wants to know about whats happening with his kids then he needs to become more involved with them, not just call them when its because he wants them to do something for him.

I have to admit, since I didn't talk to him I was afraid he would try and come over here before work. But thank goodness he didn't. I know he was mad I wouldn't talk but he read my letter he should know why.

TY inanutshell for being here this morning, it helps to have someone to talk to and help me stay strong....

I'll step out on a limb and say WH will be showing up at your place, give it a few days to a week or so. Be prepared and know what you're going to do.

I would still check into seeing what options there are for you at Human Services and the job service. Also, some employers in your area might have web sites they advertise positions on. Be sure and check local, state and federal govt jobs too.

Stay the course. My WH made constant attempts at contact. I started thinking that maybe I didn't make the Plan B letter plain enough. But I did. It was only that he didn't like the letter, didn't want to have no contact with the OW.

I think it is better to stand your ground. Don't feel trapped into explaining the same thing over and over again. I saw my WH last week (almost 3 years after the affair started) and he started in on his same old mantra. He said that he had wanted to stay together, that he did have NC with OW several times. The truth is they did have NC, but it never lasted more than a day.

So don't make the mistake I did. Your husband knows very well what he needs to do. He also knows that there are bills to pay. He CHOOSES to ignore his responsibilities and continue contact with the OW.

Continue with Plan B, and expect more contact. Try not to be available.

Not to worry I am sticking by this plan as hard as it may be.

I am going to Human Services when they open in about an hour. I have lots of questions for them.

Your right believer he does know he has to do. Only question I have is if and when he has N/C how will I truly know???? I am sure it won't be anytime soon though.

Just found out WH is moving back in with OW. Guess she didn't need the divorce papers after all. This does upset me somewhat but I know it will just make the affair end sooner, or at least I pray so.

SIL did say WH was upset bcause I would not talk to him. She said he looked at her and said she won't talk to me....
I told her if he says anything more tell him to reread my letter I gave to him and he will see why.

I know I should stop worrying over all this but its hard to do.. It does break my heart he is moving back with her but I also know I can't let it get me down.

Don't worry, when he is ready to work on the marriage you will know. He will be be willing to do whatever it takes.

That is very good news that they are going to be sharing the flea shack again. Of course the OW wasn't going to wait for divorce papers - she has no honor at all.

Now get busy doing things. Give us a report later of all of the things you have done to make YOUR life better.

Believer,

I have already gone and done a few more apps. and gotten some paperwork from Human services to get some help.

I am wondering though how is him moving back with OW good news? It just makes me wonder if there is really a chance.
I want ot fight this so much but I am getting very tired of it.

I am drowning again in self-pity and feel so hurt again. I know once I get a job things will be better and I won't have the time to worry over it.

I think I may go the library today and get some more books. I need to go to my sons school and see whats happening over there as well. He is having such a rough time with all of this, that I think he is acting out.

I am going to see if the school counselor can talk to him, maybe that would help.

Damn this man and the pain he has caused my children. he just does not see what he has done to them....

I was just outside getting ready to leave whne WH pulled up to the house. He blocked the car so I could not leave. he came up to me and asked why didn't I tell him about the phone bill? I said what did it matter I didn't have the money nor did he. He then asked about the cell bill. I told him how much it was and he said why so high? I told him to many mins over. He said how is that, I told him I don't know... I know he knows why I had already told him. He then asked about the other bills, I said car insurance and water is due. During all of this I kept doing what I was doing and did not really look at him. I was not mean to him but was very matter of fact, showing no emotion at all.

As I was putting the hood on the car up to check things, he just turned and went to his truck nothing more said and he left. Now my stomache is all in knots. I hope I handled this right ..... Any insight all????

Good job. Expect more contact. You can discuss financial matters, and kids - but NOTHING else. It would be better for you to be busy, and have him contact your go-between. But he is still quite attached to you.

Believer,

I'm not sure if its attachement or just mad because I didn't tell him these things.... I kinda figured he would show up topday after I refused to talk to him.

He was not nasty to me either but was kinda cool himself...
At least nothing was said to cause any LB's.

I am so shaky right now, I can barely type this....

I didn't want to see him, it just makes the pain come back .....

You don't need to tell him that when he gives you no money the bills won't be paid. He's a big boy and can figure that out himself.

Tomorrow he will think of another reason to attempt contact. Be gone. Let OW meet all of his needs.

your right believer, I know you are. I was just caught off guard and was scared.

I just want him to get it and leave ma alone now.... I want him to fall all by himself.

I guess I will be topic of conversation tonite about how mean i was and not talk to him and then being very cool today.... That is unless he figures OW would get pissed off and not say anything ...

(((hurting))))
You've had a busy morning. If you haven't done it already make a list of the bills. My WH never could understand where all his money went. We separated accounts, he agreed to pay 60% of household bills (mortgage, electric, phone etc) Then he is responsible for his own bills, car payment, life insurance, credit card, gas and cash ( the same for me)
. He use to just have his whole check deposited and I would pay all the bills and he would buy whatever he wanted and I would figure out how to make ends meet. Now he has to be responsible.



Because reality will set in quicker. Think of it as a giant light has just been turned on in LALA Land and the cockroaches are running for cover. Before exposure, before when he could cake eat the roaches were happy in the cover of fantasy. How good can OW look in the stark light of reality?



I think you did just fine. You had already given him the info he was just looking for excuse for contact.

Have you talked to DD and tell her that you have a plan? Don't tell her what the plan is. Kids of any age want to know the parents are in control. Some of the MB concepts are opposite of what you would normally do. Maybe she thinks you are floundering and have no idea what to do so she is stepping up to help the family.

Good luck with the job hunt. Taking care of yourself will also help in your presentation. When I was looking for a job even just picking up applications I would dress as if I already had the job. If you don't have the right kind of clothes check with the women's organizations in your area. A lot places have clothes just for job search. Professional woman frequently change out wardrobe and donate these kinds of clothes.

No D is in school so I am going to talk to her this afternoon.

Your right he knew about the bills D told him this morning on the phone. I was afraid he would try and come byu. I didn't expect it to be this morning though I though maybe after work.

As if I don't have enough problems , now my car is messed up. I went bacl out and the radiator is leaking all over the place. I put more water in and it just leaks out. So I guess I will see if BIL can look at it tonite. So I am afraid to drive it anywhere right now. Its so hot here I don't want to risk overheating it.

One thing for sure I will not let WH know I am having problems witht he car. This sure isn't going to help looking for a job if the car is messed up. Gezzzz seems one thing after the other os happening. Why can't I get a break ....

As far as him moving with her, he had already lived with her for a month before this last week or so. It didn't seem to change anything then. Of ocurse this time they have all the crap from what has happen over the last few weeks to deal with. All the lies and mistrust issues. I would be willing to bet there is not must trust going on there at all.

One thing for certain, he didn't think I would follow through with planb letters statements and he found out this morning I was serious. And if I could have gotten back in the house I would not have spoken to him at all.... In fact cell phone just rang and is him...... waiting for the voice message now ......well no message .....good deal

Blocking your car and cornering you is threatening and abusive behavior.

Do not be afraid to seek a restraining order.

Low

I don't really think he meant to do anything. I was not in the car yet I was checking under the hood. he just parked behind the car. I am not worried he would do anything abusive or threatning .. That is one thing Ican say he has never been that way. I think he just wanted me to stand and listen to him and react. Well that didn't happen. So he just left ...

Expect the behavior to become more bizzare. Expect him to continue to try and contact you and stop by. If you have to next time, walk down the street. Don't engage him, don't listen and don't react. Distance yourself. It'll all be about why YOU didn't do this and why YOU didn't do that. He'll take absolutely no responsibility for anything. Again best thing to do is let him rant and rave to the wonderful, caring OW.

sounds like a good paln to me. I can't imagine ranting and raving to her though.... I mean its because of me they had their first falling out. I think he will try and keep it to himself for awhile and not tell her anything. But in time he will blow....She finds out he was here and I am sure she will be real pissed and I am sure he knows that. So for awhile he won't let her know he is trying to see me.

anyhow thats his problem not mine. My problems all stem from a non working car right now...... Hope BIL can fix it ...