Well my D=Day was in June 17 and I was in Virginia... I did the normal crying and all but he stil told me we would work it out when I got home... So there never was any yelling or screaming..... I made it home on July 3. We talked and cried and still I never yelled or screamed. he said he wanted both of us... I was so hurt I kinda agreed to allow it so he could make up his mind... But the next day I realized I could not do that... So I told him that nite he had to leave.... We slept that nite holding each other and he left the next evening.... Now in all of this I have not yelled or anything until this last time he walked out and then it was not that bad, he did remark about time you got angry.... I stayed very rational and calm, during this whole thing.. yes I did do the crying begging pleading thing at first, but I stopped that pretty quickly....

Not gonna say I dint't slip the tears a few times but all in all I say I handled all this with dignaty and grace and even WH commented on it often...

Now my plan a was very short right at a month, I was gracious and no Lb'ing trying to show him I was changing for the better.... I knew plan b had to come soon because I was getting weary of always being on and feeling like I was being used when he decided he wanted SF.

So I I think I did a good plan A even before I knew about plan A. Yes the last day he was here a little over a week ago I was angry and he knew it. And when ya think about it that was our last real conversation except for the bowling alley incident. Unfotunaltey his last conversation with me was last wed. when he came by and got the cold shoulder since he broke my plan b. So his last memories of me arn't that great and thats not how plan a is suppose to end.... hope it dosn't work against me...

No, you have done a fine Plan A. He is still very attached to you. But I think Plan A needs to be very short and sweet. Others here will disagree.

But a lot of the time, I think WS's use Plan A to cement their relationship with the OP.

So get busy and don't worry about your timing.

that makes me feel better. I was worried I had not done a good enough plan a...... may I ask you , why do you feel he is still attached to me? is it because during all of this he still called and came over so much? I mean all in all I have seen him all but 6 days before plan b and have spoken to him everyday but maybe 4 since before plan b... most of the time it was calls for stupid stuff....

anyway I just circled a bunch of jobs in the paper. So I am gonna be busy tomorrow doing that.... I hope something pans out soon ...... I need a job bad something to keep me busy and so I can feel I am taking care of my kids.

Hurting -

Please believe me. You are doing a REALLY good job. Trust us here. We have been through what you are going through. You can learn stuff from those who recovered their marriage, and also learn from those who didn't.

It is sickenly slow at first, when you are in Plan B. But when you stick to it, things start happening.

I do trust you all believer , I guess I am just impatient and wish I could see the future.... I do believe without the help and wise advice I have gotten here I would have really messed up and never done a plan b .... heck he would have been a cake eater for ever that way .....

We all wish we could see the future. When I first came here, folks told me that one day I would be happy again. I didn't believe them. I thought maybe that would happen for others, but not for me.

Now my life is good again. I am truly happy. My story didn't end like I would have chosen. But I am at peace with that.

I really believe that you and your husband will get through this. I do.

So saddle up, and hang on. It's gonna be a rough ride.

I am hanging on for dear life.... I pray your right and we do survive this, I have lots of hope ......

Oh I do have one question about WH babble though .. Is it common for them to say : " I want both of you, if I could have a big enough house I would put both of you in it." " Why won't either of you share?" I have not seen anyone else say that in here so I was just wondering about that...

Hurting -

There are plenty of women (especially) that have heard that line. And often the WS doesn't really get that it should be a problem.

We'e heard it over and over. Sometimes the WH says to his wife that she would really like the OW, they would be great friends.

So your WH is doing very well with the WS Handbook.

lol Ok then I was wondering he said all of that to me... Of course the last time he said that was just a few weeks ago when he said he wanted to come home.... He said it so many times it was pathetic

Just can't believe they actually believe that could ever work lol

Lot's of crazy ideas pop out of their heads. Don't listen to them, or think about them. They are in fog-land. As you read and post here more, you will see lots of WS's that are way out there.

Yup I have seen that.... Its hard to believe that these used to be people who loved their spouses and had some good lives and then boom they are gone and replaced by aliens ....

Seems to happen over nite almost ...or else I was to blind to see it happening .....

Hurting,

I was wondering, how much exposure have you done? I know his family knows, freinds I assume, what about OW? Does her sugardaddy know? Is there anyway to find him? What about her Mom? You said she lives w/her. She probably does not know the truth about WH.
My H begged me not to tell xow's boyfriend,(also a sugar daddy) said he had a bad heart and it would kill him. Also was told he would come to job with a gun. I believed him and didn't tell him until 5 months later.. DD#2. He dumped her like a hot potato. It infuriated her that I "ruined" her relationship with him. Can you imagine.. I RUINED IT! lol.. But it was pretty much the demise of the affair. I was also able to glean some info on OW that I was able to use to my advantage.. stuff WH did not know about her. Like the 3 other BF's she had while seeing my H. Thankfully I taped the whole convo so H was able to hear it from him not me.

I have exposed to everyone i know.. All of his fellow employees know. Family, friends you name it. As far as OW is concerned I have no idea how to expose to any of them.. Her mom is in Tenn form what I know, he husband she has been seperated from for 6 yrs is awol.... her sugar daddy is in Tenn. he send monthly checks, in fact she is in Tenn as we speak seeing her family I was told... WH told me that OW told him that she loves the sugar daddy but is IN LOVE WITH HIM (WH).And he believes her, he did say he feels like he is competing for her though. sick isn;t it? It is her sister who was living with them, I have no idea if she knows he is married or not... I have no idea her name or anything.... I just know she lives in same apartment complex now.... So with OW I have nothing to use to try exposing her ... I am not sure how I would go about finding any of that out.... As far as going to the apt. complex to find her sister, I am not sure thats a good idea. Plus I would have no idea who I would be looking for...

Not only that she has the same circle of friends we do. And alot of them have blasted her as well as WH.. there are a few who live where she does and who really like her and have sided with her and WH. Of course they are not the best people in the world either. In fact one of them said to WH I like OW and W both, they are both good people , I just want you to be happy. So basiclly I support what ever descion you make..... Talk about enabeling ....they are all a bunch of drinking fools .....

Well WH knows what kinda of woman OW is before all this started... He knew all the men she had been with before, in fact he used to call her nasty because of it.... She has had a new man in her life every 4 or so months in the last 3 yrs I have known her. Some of them married some not.... Most don't last much more than a few months because according to one I talked to she latches on and won't let go .... He packed up and left without her knowing....

In fact I remember one time she told me about 2 yrs ago I wish I could find a man like you H. He is so sweet and romantic. She was referring to when he gave me new wedding rings and presented them to me for xmas at the bowling alley in fornt of everyone and asked me if I would marry him again .... He was always doing stuff like that for me and getting flowers and stuff. She saw it all. So she thinks he is the cats meow I guess ......

Hurting -

How many men do you know that would want a woman like her? I mean, I live in California, the land of fruits and nuts, and most men here wouldn't want her.

LOL I know believer I think the same thing.... Thats why I have a hard time believeing mine wants her..... Maybe he thinks he can save her or something ......

Hmmmmm me thinks I just had a drive by ....Sure sounded like WH's truck, and I thought I heard it last night to .... The dogs perked up like they knew it was him... by the time I got to the window it was gone, so maybe it was not but sure sounded like it....His truck is loud , darn muffler gives him away every time ....lol

Wow.. She is low.. ugg

But on the bright side, She is about due for a new man given her history. She may be able to get them, but she sure can't keep them!! Wow, what an example she is for her daughter.

BTW, I vote for packing up his stuff and putting it all in his car. Why should you worry where he will keep it? He should have thought of that. May be some LB's for OW & WH. Her telling him to get his crap to her, precious things to him out of her crummy apt. I don't know if it is against plan B, if its not, I would include a note to him like... WH, I know how much these tools and leather coat mean to you. I am sure you are missing them. I am also sad to see them here, because it just makes me miss you so much. I feel it is better for both of us if they are in your care.
your loving wife

Yeah I do feel for her daughter very much. Poor kid will have no idea what a good honest relationship is. With her mom having a revolving door installed on her apt... But for some reason me thinks this little A may last a little longer than the rest of them.... I don't know why I think that its just a gut feeling......

As far as the clothes go I am still not sure about that. I don't know if the note is against planb or not. Thats something the pro's would have to tell me..... But anyway no descion here on how to handle that yet...... Still thinking about it