You were doing so GREAT until your last paragraph!!

Hurting, STOP THAT!

You have so much evidence now that you can do this!

DON'T SINK TO HER LEVEL!!!! SHE IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR CONCERN!

mimi.

I know you are right, I have to stop worrying over them... But I just feel like I am fighting a loosing battle here. Just let him go and let him fall and suffer... Its just so hard....

anyhow I am waiting for lunch to be over so I can call his boss. I need to get some info. for sure... I won't go down there bcause I may run into WH, to risky....

I do feel good about what I accomplished today though , it may not seem like much but its a start in the right direction for me and the kids....

Great! Stay Positive! Keep telling yourself this when you start to feel down. Self-talk like that certainly helps me....

Wh just called and left avoice message. Seems that a bill collector called his job about some hospital bills of mine. He was pissed and said I needed to take care of this... Well I called them and explained what was happening. Well they are giving him until next friday to make some kind of arrangements to pay... They say since he works and we are married he is responsible... And if he doesn't take care of it they are taking legal action to garnish his pay...

So gotta call SIL so she can give him the info.... Wow is he gonna be mad

Yahoo!!!!!! Let him be sued - consequences here we come!

Why is he calling you? Change your number. This is his problem not yours. He is legally responsible. Let him handle it. A hem... who cancelled the insurance? Let him be pissed. He only has himself to blame.

Also, do you have a Salvation Army by you? If so, go see them - they have all kinds of programs to help people, free food, job placement assistance, they pay for your utilities and/or house payment. Check them out - they are awesome.

Why worry that he might be mad? I think you're the one who should be pissed because he cancelled without consulting YOU first. Let's focus on your feelings. We're gonna make you tough. It's time to get mad. Who cares how HE feels?

you are right wifey.... Let reality start now..... So far all has been smooth sailing for him ....These bills are from like a year ago and its the part the insurance didn't pay... But oh well sucks to be him right now.... Oh darn I should have given them OW's number and let them call him there....

He called me because since I was the patient he thinks its all on me ....And to tell me to tell them not to call his job ... they said oh to bad he is responsible , so be prepared WH for the calls.....

Can't change the cell number its the only one I have and all my job apps have it on them

Well, here's a thought, hurting. Can you change your message on your cell phone to add, "To reach WH, please call [OW's number]"?

The negative side of all this is that it's continuing to embroil you in the drama at a time you have decided to unhook. Heaven knows you have enough problems of your own.

To defend my earlier position, I wasn't trying to destroy your hope, I was trying to get you to detach from it. Every stick has two ends. The very things that give you hope will, on a different day or a different mood, make you despair.

Ecstatic sex with you on Thursday will be ecstatic sex with OW on Friday. He leaves messages, it upsets you; he doesn't leave messages, it worries you. You need to detach from both. Neither are predictive of the end of this.

Many very promising situations where the WS loved the BS didn't pan out; many very far-fetched unpromising situations have survived through recovery. The hard reality is: it's not his love for you that will bring him back. It is his character. Not only the character he had at the outset, but the realizations he will develop through this.

And that no one can predict. So it's best to unhook.

Well seems things have gone from bad to worse. WH just showed up here and the door was unlocked and he walked in.

He started about this bill collector and he was mad and now is threatning to quit his job before they garnish his wages. he said I am giving you 200.00 aweek why can't you pay it? I said 200.00 a week barly pays the hosuehold bills...

He then said I think you are lying to me about finding a job and everything. I told him would you like a list of all job apps? he then said I think your lying about something that happen in my past before we were married. Something happen before our marriage that was very devestaitng to me and I never told him until recently. So now he thinks I made it all up because I never was honest about it. I told him I have not lied to you about anything since this whole mess started. He says to me this another reason I am leaving you. I said to him like you have always been honest , what about now? He says I am not lying about anything.....

He said I won't work on this marraige because I will loose OW if it does not work out. I said well then so be it.. The pain in his face was very obvious. He said well I am just going to move away and let no one know where I am . Maybe I'll just shoot myself and be done with it.

I told him to leave because I did not want to deal with this anymore.... he said I am getting a storage unit this weekend and getting my stuff.. I said good .. and he left ..

Now to be honest here I am not really upset over this encounter I am actually very mad ..... Oh yeah he says to me why don't you hate me? I told him I wish I could , but for now thats not how it is ..... I never said anything about love or coming home.... I just let it go

You can't underestimate the determination of WSes to break your NC rule during PLAN B.

He is testing you. Plus he wanted to have contact with you.

CHANGE YOUR LOCKS!!! ASAP!!

Don't listen to a word that he says......about what is going to do...

He is trying to provoke you...trying to justify his A...

He has not saying anything new that I didn't hear...

He continues to follow the script...

REMEMBER: ANY CONTACT THAT HE HAS WITH YOU PROLONGS HIS A...

DARK...DARK...DARK....

BTW, You did just fine..it hasn't gone from BAD TO WORSE...
He is suffering...remember that is a GOOD THING....

Typical, typical bahavior. WH is doing and saying absolutely NOTHING out of the ordinary. I heard the EXACT same words.

Continue with Plan B. Don't engage him period. Leave the house. I know how hard it is, but you can walk right out that door. He's looking for excuses to put blame on you and you're playing into it.

I know mimi and belive me I had no idea the door wasnot locked I have been very good about keeping it that way .... I was in another room and did not realize he was here....

Why can't he just leave me alone?

anyway I have the debt thing taken care of. I called the people and they are very understanding and will let me pay 20.00 a month until I find a job. So I called WH's work and left him a message he does not have to worry I fixed it and they won't garnish his damn money.... I only did it so he won't quite his job .. and anyway if I take care of this myself I won't have to worry about him bugging me about it....

Your PLAN B is effective.

This is crashing down on him.

Let the walls come crumbling down....

Make sure not to call him anymore..make sure he can't get in...

Sit back and watch this explode while you get stronger and stronger....

Let him beg you to come back to you like my FWH eventually had to do...

He's not going to quit his job. You are still falling for his blabbering, blubbering ******. He's full of it. You are fixing his messes still and that was one of them. He's out having a good time with OW and probably contributing to her household in some way, bowling etc. etc.

Why should you give a damned that bill collectors are calling his work. Maybe he should learn where his priorities are. You're enabling him to ignore what he's left behind and part of that is your hospital bill.

You don't have to worry about him bugging you about it. Ignore him. You're in Plan B remember. Let him handle things for a change.

You're enabling him to forget the responsibilities he left when he chose to move out and slut himself with another slut.

If I sound mad, I am. You're allowing him to play you.

I agree with INANUT...

He's full of it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

He's definitely attached to you, HURTING. You are in the driver's seat here.

You have every reason to feel very confident about YOUR PLAN.

You are BLOWING HIS MIND.. and he is trying to get you to turn back into the OLD HURTING....

STAY THE COURSE.....

Man, I totally agree with inanutshell.

You just let him off the hook - AGAIN!

He's not going to quit his job, runaway, blow his head off, etc... Start calling his bluff.

If I were you I'd call them back and explain to them that your husband said that he'll take care of it and give them OW's number.

I'm sorry, but you are an enabler. You are allowing him to continue on with his BS.

If you continue like this, then you will never get anywhere.

All this is exactly what you don't need right now.

Once again, you have been pulled into the drama. All the posts are about how he is reacting, what you should do next, etc., etc., etc. It don't mean sh*t. And I respectfully disagree with mimi. I don't think Plan B is working well right now -- FOR YOU! Plan B is not to manipulate him, it is to free YOU to return to sanity.

Hurting, I don't know if you notice how different your posts are when you have little contact, and when you have had contact. In the former, you are starting to focus on your "new life" -- at least the new life for right now. When you have contact, you go into a tailspin. For the next day or two, you will replay this latest scene in your mind, what it means, what it doesn't mean, trying to read the expressions on his face like tea leaves to interpret the future...

This is normal, of course, and it's not your "fault." But you need to be off the merry-go-round.

Start thinking about how you can protect YOURSELF better. He needs to sort out his own mess. As yet, he is offering you absolutely zilch. Just justifications and fog. You don't need to argue with that. Or listen to it.

I hear all of you and your right. But I will take care of this bill. I was taking care of it before and I wil do it again.

I just told D that she is not to allow him in the house and I will not speak to him reguarding anything... she agreed to follow my wishes....

I will not do this again... I promise, I will not enable him to do anything...

I don't see how this is getting to him mimi but if you say so ....

your right I played right into it again, I just could not take the risk of him quitting his job. I know he probaby won't but I can't risk it now with me not working....

and if they garnish it means less money for me to care for the kids as well .... so I had to look at that too.

hurting -

You are starting to sound like a broken record - I will not do this again, I will tell D not to let him in the house.....................

Every day he comes up with a new excuse to contact you - going to Iraq, son's school stuff, dropping insurance, bills, OW out of town, doing the yard (hey! what happened with that?).

You need to get into a real Plan B.

Tomorrow there will be another crisis or excuse, and Friday, another one.

believer today was something that was a surprise to me. I had no idea he was here as Iwas in the back of the house... I thought the door was locked. It is locked now and believe me it will stay that way.....

As far as the yard went he didn't do crap. I told ya he wouldn't. We have done what stuff needs to be done without him.... We will finsh it this weekend ourselves.....

Nope no more excuses will be allowed believer.... and this one today would not have happen if I had locked the damn door ......

Hurting -

Every contact is getting to be a surprise for you!!!!!! Lock those doors, don't answer the phone, get away from the house, and hunker down in a dark Plan B.

Make him get his needs met by the OW.