These A s are so unhealthy !!! You can't eat, you can't sleep. What a mess. I know what you are saying.

This past year, in the real heat of it all, I lost sooo much weight, cried all day at work and slept about 2 hours a night. Things have gotten alot better for me. Although I have no idea what, if anything is going on with WH/OW. Ihave tried very hard to detach from him and it is working.

What worked for me was to keep reminding myself that I was not going to give WH all the power over me that I was giving him. I looked at what I was doing, what the A was doing to me - not eating, not sleeping, etc. and took my power back. Kinda. Not a superwoman here by any means.

I, too believe that your WH is going to come back to you. I really do as the experts here do too. They certainly know much more than I do. Please try to stay dark and stay busy. Calling him only makes it worse. I know it is tempting. But please try not to.

Now go crochet a beautiful baby blanket. Do you have a digital camera or scanner ?? When you finish it you can proudly display it here for all to see !!!

Best regards - car

Carnation

Yeah I know about the weight loss thing. I have lost almost 45 lbs since June. I needed to lose it but sure not this way. I am feeling a lot better today, yesterday was just a major meltdown for me.

I do hope he comes back. I still have faith and hope he will... I guess everyone else see's something I am not seeing here.

I have started a crosstich last night that I have had for a few yrs. I hope to have it framed when done.

Not to worry I am staying dark, its gonna be hard but I know its something I have to do ....

HI:

Glad you are feeling better today...

Have you thought about courses at your local technical school..

I "tried" to take a continuing ed. course in Photography for fun during PLAN B....

No have not really thought of any schooling actually.

My main focus now is a job. Without that I am going to be in dee doodoo soon... I just am not sure what WH gonna do about getting me money yet.

Mimi I just want to thank you for not giving up on me. I just freaked out yesterday and was scared and lonely.

I am fine today and back on my horse so to speak.

I do still hope that I have a chance at my marriage, I hope planb will push him one way or the other. I do believe he will miss me and our family. I finally figured out something last night. I was looking at the calendar and noticed a pattern with him. It seems like its every 2 weeks he comes around and once he gets his fix he is done. Not sure if this means anything but it was something I have noticed.

Don't worry I am back were I need to be and more determined than ever to do this.

Today was a long day. I just kept getting this gut feeling that WH would try to come over here before leaving town... So far its not happen.... he has not bothered to try and c ontact the kids or anyone in the family this weekend... DD is upset because of it. But she has made up her mind its all on him now.... It just kills me how he is ignoring his own children like this... I hate to say this but I hope he starts hurting and hurts bad sometime soon....

I hate the weekends they drag on forever it seems.....

Just had a very long talk with my MIL. I feel so bad for her, she is just done with her own son. She no longer wants to have him around she is just so disgusted with him. His sisters feel the same way. Our children also are done with him for now as well. Its a shame its come to this. He has just cut everyone off and has treated everyone like they don't exsist anymore.

My MIL said to me tonight, " Carolyn I think you just need to forget about WH. He does not seem to trying to come back at all. I want to you to move on with life and be happy." She said " You need a man who will treat you with repsect and love not what yo uhave been getting these last 4 months." "I told her I can't give up on him yet. He loved and respected me for 24 yrs so its not like this has been forever thing." She said "No matter what happens you will always be my DIL and you will always be part of this family." You have not idea how wonderful that felt to hear.

She said OW will never be welcomed in this family and I never want to know her or see her. I told her "Well if it trns out they stay together, you will have to deal with her at some point he is your son." MIL says " No I will never accept her and want to be around her. WH has done to much for me to even want to be around him."

Now I know this is a woman who loves her son and I do know in time she and the rest of the family will maybe not accept what he has done or who he is with but they will love him and allow him back in their lives.

I told her maybe just maybe everything will be ok and we may not have to worry about any of this. WH make one day make the right decsision. No matter what we are all family and will make it through this together.... Gotta love that woman she is one tough lady......

Well I woke up this morning after having a night of no dreams. It was wonderful. After much thinking yesterday I finally realized I have done all I can do and said all I can say. I know have to step back and let God do his job.

I know I will still have good days and bad days and I still with all my heart want him to come home, but this has got to be left to God and his wisdom. I will be ok....

Good Morning Hurting,

It is good that you have the support of your MIL. It is sad to see how the affair has effected her as well. She's a tough lady, showing some "tough love."


May the Love, Comfort, and strength of God be with you all helping you through this time and season.

Love, Lady

Yeah she is one tough lady for sure.... It's just a shame his whole family has to suffer because of his actions.

But this is a choice he made now he has to be the one to live with it. I have no doubt in time its going to affect him and he will see all the pain he has caused everyone.

To be honest I would have never thought his on family would have stood beside me like this. You know the saying blood is thicker than water, well in this case the water seems to be thicker. I do hope all of us leaving him alone to his own devices will wake him up and realize what he has done. There is no way OW can give him the love and everything a whole family can. Iknow God is walking with us and will see us through all of this.

Yes, his family has suffered but I believe he will be suffering the most in the end, when he comes to the end of himself. That is what he needs to do.

My concern was the 2 week pattern you mentioned. He may try again in a couple of weeks only because it's been a pattern now. What are you going to do? He may even try coming back sooner, insincerely, due to the holidays. He has probably never spent the holidays without the family. Just be aware of that. What are you going to do if that happens? It's hard to put a time line on it, but I think it is going to take a few months for him to wake-up. Through the holidays, keeping with plan B, will be the ultimate killer for him, all of the holidays! But as the others have said if he does comes back sooner "repentant only" you will know.

If you talk to your therapist this week, make sure that you tell of the dreams and insomnia you have been having.

Love, Lady

I have thought about all of that actually. We have never been apart for the holidays in 24 yrs. so I would imagine it will be hard for him. I agree I think its going to take a few months for him to see whats happening and do something about it.

as far as the two week pattern goes I am watching for it. I am prepared to not talk to him or see him. If he shows up here I am ready and able to tell him through a closed door, until OW is gone from your life I can't or won't talk to you or see you....

As far as the holidays go it will be hard but I will continue planb until I know he is serious about making things work. I can't imagine the holidays without him but that will happen unless he is truly repentant and wants to do the right thing. It will be tough but we as a family can do it....

[quote]As far as the holidays go it will be hard but I will continue planb until I know he is serious about making things work. I can't imagine the holidays without him but that will happen unless he is truly repentant and wants to do the right thing. It will be tough but we as a family can do it....{/quote]

Amen

My DS and DIL want me to come to Indiana for Christmas. I told them I don't know yet depends on money and if I am working by then how the job is. I would love to be with my grandsons for Christmas but I also feel that my MIL will need us here as well....

This christmas is going to be a difficult one for all of us wihout WH. But at least its almost 3 months away , so there is still time for us to be in a better state of emotional well being so we can handle it better.....

I have a job interview tomorrow at 4:15 ..... Its not the greatest job but its a job Burger King ...Not crazy for working in a place like that but for now it would be a welcome relief.... Its from 10 pm until 5 am in the morning so that would not be to bad. Still gives me time dufing the day to continue looking for something else.... Hope I get it ....

It's a start.

Mimi and can't remember who else had good point about not contacting OW - - although it worked for me. Just one little sentence was enough to do the job. You see, there's a trust issue with WH & OW - - obviously - the old saying "they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you". Food for thought for OW - makes her think and behave differently and more than likely start in the big LBng herself. Brings out the true colors quicker.

I have thought more about it inanutshell and I think contacting the OW would actually bring more bad than good to my situation.... I really think it woould just make her dig in deeper and of course make WH even more determined to justify. He already has issues with me just talking to him mom about what happens....

I know I should not worry that he gets mad but I feel it just pushes him further away from me and he feels he can't trust me.... Of course who is he to talk about trust after what he has done. But I want him to feel I can take the high road and be trustworthy. I hope this makes sense to you . I believe OW will LB anyway and I know there are already trust issues with them due to what happen in August when she found out he was still seeing me for SF....

I have the feeling she will find out what happen at some point in time, for the simple f act my DD was here ans she knows he spent the night. And believe me DD has a large mouth , not that I am asking her to say anything but I am not telling her not to either..... So let the chips fall where they may... It will come to a head one of these days...

Hey hurting....let me tell you something. Don't ever think less of yourself because you may work at Burger King, or that it is "not a great job"......you don't need to qualify anything or job that you do.

In my line of work, I have worked with highly educated, talented, and brillinat people, but you know who I have the utmost respect for in my hospital.......? a janitor named George. That guy comes to work every damn day, empties the garbage, says hello to everyone, holds the door and elevators for everyone, waits till we all get on the elevator, and waits another round, because he says that the "doctors" have important jobs and should go first.....


He does his job with pride, and he does an excellent job. His area is always [censored] and span, and he conducts himself in a professional and kind manner. There are many people with "MD" behind their name who could not hold a candle to this guy.

MY point......? You get this job at Burger King tomorrow and then you work hard at it....very hard at it..you do a great job...you come in early, you stay late...and you don't complain about it....if there is $hit on the floor, you mop it up without being told to.....You will see what predence that this will give you in the other areas of your life. It will be infectious. It is not what we do...it is HOW WE DO IT !

Goodluck.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, Lemonman..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemonman,

You are so right. Its not what the job is its the fact you take pride in what you do that counts.

I know if I get the job I will do a good job at it, thats just who I am . I do know it will raise my self-esteem a lot because I feel I will be doing something for me.

Thank Lem for the encouragment.....

Today has been a good day for me.... I feel a lot better no crying. In fact I have not thought of WH to awful much today....

When it does cross my mind I start thinking of other things... I was proud of myself when DD started telling me something about him I just blew her off and didn't really listen....

I hope the days continue like this. I am feeling stronger all the time....