I currently have been writing my WS spouse a letter, which details how I feel and all of my emotion, it ends with restoring our marriage not only requires work but a plan. I let her know in the letter that I started one and would like her input\ideas and help. I’m afraid my letter is going to be received as to harsh and make her close-up rather than take a good look at what happened. Is the letter a good idea? Or should I start with the plan?

OK, I guess I've been away to long, so I'm Still not sure what you mean by a Marriage Plan.

We used to share letters here before we shared them with our partners just to get perspective.

I realize I'm late to the party, HL..how about giving some background info..BS/WS..Plan A, Plan B and then the letter.

That way we can kind of know where you are.
T

My letter talks about how sad I am and why? It also describes how much I love her and creating a marriage plan. Dr Harley suggests creating a marriage plan to help both couples work on building their marriage.

Dr. Harley States:

Create a Plan that would end contact with the adulterer, start healing and end the mistrust the faithful spouse has in the cheating wayward spouse. The plan should include item you each can do to improve your marriage. Create a separate plan, discuss them and merge them together.

His Suggestions for the plan are:

1. No more contact with Adulterer, ever again.

2. Do as you say, and say as you do.

3. Continue with marriage counseling

4. Come to me with any issues you have, especially if they are with me. I promise I will listen this time around. I now know better.

5. No more secrets or lies, I need complete honesty, live life as an open book.

6. You would have to understand that until that trust is regained I will be verifying things so that I can feel secure that you are not still hiding things from me. Please don't be upset with that. Remember - "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing"

7. Upgrade your cell phone to detailed billing.

This was ment for my other posting:

Hold on Hoss...a marriage plan should be made by BOTH partners with equal participation. I don't think she's quite ready for it yet.

You just stick to plan A for a couple weeks and see how things go.

T

Thanks Twyla,

I was wondering if I’m moving to fast, when would be a good time to work on the plan?

As for the plan I agree we both need equal participation but I’m trying to get some sample and some of my own thoughts as to what should be in it. So if anyone has suggestions that have worked, please let me know.