Good morning. Because his first appt went long, I had to be moved up an hour. Consequently, I got extra time too !!

Told him the whole story, trying not to leave anything out. His advice is a softer approach. He thinks that there is much hope for us/me. He said until or if I get more evidence of an A, to keep Plan A. Try a different way to get my WH to open up. The past methods have not worked. Try a different angle.

He was not surprised or even that upset about the whole police deal. He said my WH has compartmentalized everything,I need to get in there somehow. He agrees that he is/was having an A but I need to act differently to get it out in the open or to move forward.

His sugestion was His Needs Her Needs. Try to listen to it together on the truck. To work on the marriage and have open lives. Let each other into all of our separate rooms, so to speak.

Steve was very easy to talk to. Took a stand that I really was not expecting. I highly recommend him to anyone who is in doubt as to what their next move should be in dealing with affair, marriage problems.

So - I am still in Plan A as to me being nice and making him feel safe. Try to work on us getting closer. He thinks I have been making progress so far !! Who knew ??

Thanks for listening and reading. Your comments please.

carnation

i would call Steve if I wasn't a broke college student; right now I'm completely lost as to what my next move is supposed to be.

YIPPEE!! I am so relieved you spoke to him, carnation. He is really good at this and has the ability to accurately assess a situation. Didn't you feel like he had a good grasp on your situation very quickly?

Hi Mel, thanks for replying. Oh ummm.... I loved him !! I did not expect his advice to go like it did. Granted his first words were that I must get the truth to be able to move forward. But the more I talked about everything, he suggested trying a different approach completely.

It gives me alot of hope. And I feel better that I have not completely screwed this all up yet. I will wait for WH to call back and slowly start working my charming ways. I guess you get more with sugar than vinegar. But each situation , of course, is different.

And, as y'all know too well, these things can turn ugly at any given time. I will keep posting as this new plan developes. Well, actually it is the same ole, just trying to be softer. Still surprised, but relieved here.

Thanks for comments, as usual.

Car

Carnation:


Congratulations for you. I am glad that you heard what you wanted and needed to hear. I am specifically going to bookmark this thread to check up on it periodically. I humbly admit to being 100% wrong about your situation and husband. Isn't it amazing how much hope and better future things are now for you. Talk about night and day.

It just goes to show you that I should not try and get rid of my day job.... I'd be broke. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

BOL,

SOur...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

lol! Can I join you, Dr Sour?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Guess I should stick to selling Pepsi.....

Thanks for responding. I feel honored that you would bookmark my thread.

I think that SH went in the direction that he did because of my little questionair that I filled out. In it I marked how much I love and lust my WH. Between the answers I checked and the abandonment issues, he probably had me try this soft approach, because I feel more comfortable doing it. Like if he had to choose between two different approaches, he chose the soft way instead of something more drastic, given my situation and personality. Just my guess.

He said I COULD gather more data, but he wanted me to act more in a positive manner, than negative. And if I do find out more or if the situation warrents it, to act accoringly. It seemed like he was giving me very personal attention and advice geared towards me and my WH and this yucky situation. Very surprised he was not that upset about much of anything. Course, he has probably heard it all - matters much worse than mine.

So just waiting for WH to call so I can start back up on Plan A. He said to chip away at him, instead of having him chip away at my love.

Thanks again - Carnation, hopeful