My H is continuing to be so very sweet and loving. Sometimes, I feel like he's forcing himself, but not all the time. We have not had any further discussion of his cheating since our counseling session on the 15th. He does seem to pick up on my sadness sometimes and just gives me a hug and tells me he loves me.<BR> The other day, he yanked some 10 ft. flourescent light bulbs (wrapped in bubble wrap, which should have told him something) off the pipe rack, thinking they were conduit. They broke all to pieces---$61 worth (UGH!!!) He yelled at me for putting them there to start with. I managed not to yell back , but calmly told him that I had no idea he would yank them off without looking to see what they were, since they were wrapped up in the bubble wrap. He came into my office a few minutes later and apologized for yelling at me (almost a FIRST for him!!). I told him that we both messed up; I should have found a better place to put them, and he should have checked them out before throwing them off the rack. So, everything was cool...I think he's starting to understand the concept of being polite to his wife! <BR> The only bad thing is that my H is drinking again. Not every night, but he got drunk at my birthday party, and again last night. Everything was OK behavior-wise at my BD party--he was "happy drunk." Last night, he was a "happy drunk" except for a few brief moments. I AM concerned because of his diabetes.<BR> Last night, we went to a cook-out. We were sitting around with our hosts and another couple, just talking after everyone left. The topic of marriages came up, and our hostess asked me how long we had been married. Now, I absolutely do not feel like we are really married since his betrayal--I feel like we were married 16 years and have just been shacking up the past 13. Anyway, I said, "We got married in June of 1970." H asked, "Can't you just say we've been married for 29 years?" I said, "That's right. We got married 29 years ago." He asked me again, "Can't you say we've been married for 29 years?" I just ignored him; I certainly didn't want to get into it there.<BR>Anyway, the subject changed, and he was fine again. He wasn't falling down drunk or obnoxious at all. However, he was too drunk to drive, so I drove home. As we were leaving, we had to open the gate to the driveway. He was standing out by the open gate, and told me to just go on home. Naturally, I thought, "Oh, s***!!" Anyway, I got out and got him into the truck. Before I could get back into the truck, he was outside again. I managed to get him back into the truck and told him that if he got out again, I was gonna kick his @$$. Note: This was not a love-buster, since I sort of said it in a playful manner.<BR> Anyway, I thought that he was mad because I wouldn't say that we have been married for 29 years and was sure that a fight was coming. However, he started telling me that he loves me, that he's crazy about me, and that he's so glad he's married to me. He held my hand until he dozed off. At one point, he told me to pull off the road. I thought he was wanting to drive, so I told him that I was fine and we'd get home faster if we didn't stop. He said, "No, I want to pull over so we can make love." Needless to say, making love in the emergency lane of a busy expressway is not my bag. I told him that I didn't care for the idea of a trucker getting a good look at our naked backsides, and he was fine with that.<BR> And, oh yeah, one of his so-called friends sort of "hit" on me last night--told me that I looked "damn good"! I flirted back just a little, but it won't create a problem for me, though. I think he's just a "dawg," and an ugly one, at that. I don't like him much and almost never see him and H is always around when I do. And, I told H about it. I'm not sure how he felt about it, but I guess he still trusts me.<BR>I still feel a need to ask H some questions.<BR>Like: "Did you tell OW that we got a disease from her?"; "Did you go to the funeral home when she died?"; and a few more.<BR>But, I'm going to wait until after my counseling session on Wednesday before I bring the subject up with him.<BR> My H is also talking again about how bad he feels (physically). He is a bit of a hypochondria, but gets furious if anyone sugggests that. He says that something's wrong with his colon--that he's passing blood. Now, he just had a colonscopy a couple of months ago, and everything was clean as a whistle, according to the doctor. I think he's just too vigorous at cleaning himself. And, of course, with diabetes, his drinking is also going to make him feel lousy. He's going to the doctor tomorrow, and I'm going with him to make sure he doesn't lie to the Dr.<BR> He was doing really well at not drinking until after our counseling session. So, I'm wondering...he knows he's not supposed to drink. Do you suppose that his drinking is a reaction to the situation or that he's drinking because he still has stuff he's trying to hide? I need to figure out how to deal with this without love-busting. Any ideas?

Hi Sweetpea -<P>I would think that it's because of the situation......what occurred at the counseling session - anything that would lead to drinking that you can pinpoint?<P>Make sure to bring it up to doc that there's some recent stress and he drinks. Have doc do your lovebusting for you!!!<P>Good Luck,<BR>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Hi, Sheba,<BR> What happened at our counseling session? Basically, I sort of lost it. A lot of my anger came out.<BR> The thing about his wanting me to say, "We've been married for 29 years." came about, I think, because during the counseling session, I said that I no longer feel like we're married since he broke his vows. I feel like we were married for 16 years and have been shacked up for the last 13. I told him that I want us to "date" each other, a whole new marriage proposal (done the "right" way ), and a new wedding, complete with new rings--and no Wal-Mart rings, either. When asked, he told the counselor that none of these things were outside of reason and that he could do them. However, there has been no proposal yet--maybe because of the ring issue. He complained because I want expensive rings. I said that was because otherwise, he would buy the cheapest thing he could find and expect me to just settle for that---as I settled for the $100 CZ he got me about 15 years ago. He did say that was too much money to pay for rings. I reminded him that he has been wanting to buy a hot tub for the past couple of months and it would cost as much as the rings. He denied that he "really" wanted to buy a hot tub, saying it was just a thought. ??????? Can we call my H the "King of Denials"? <BR> Anyway, I think he wants me to feel like we're still married; hence, the question about "Can't you say we've been married for 29 years?" and his telling me that he's so glad he's married to me on the way home. Tears just rolled down my face as he was telling me that; but, since he was drunk, there wasn't much point in telling him again how I feel.<BR> At the counseling session, he was still very defensive about the issue of whether he had told me the truth about everything. I think that's only one reason why I don't believe that this was the only one-night stand or affair that he has had.<BR> So, I don't know if he's drinking because of the hurt I'm going through or because he's feeling guilty over not telling me the whole truth.<BR> We're going to have to talk some more, but I want to get feed-back from my counselor before we do. I'm just hanging in there, but having a nightmare last night about multiple OW last night didn't help one bit!!