...the walrus said... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wookie has decided to NOT continue contact with OC(dren).

After reading on the pg boards, I cannot say I am surprised at the outcome. It would be one thing if OW was completely sane, kind hearted and had EVERYONE'S best interest at heart. But she has derided him and us at every turn...to the point of dreading the babes visits just because of having to deal with her.

So today is my last time with the babies in my arms. I love them so much. The little guy called me "mommy" for the first time today. He is sitting in my lap as I type this, avidly trying to see why my fingers are flying so quickly.

Older of our OC is playing dress up with dd. I painted all our (the girls) toenails bubblegum pink today. I also gave her bangs...I'm certain that'll go over like a lead balloon..but you couldn't see her doe eyes...and I love her eyes.

The only thing (besides OW) I won't miss is the bugs. We've not had a visit with the babies for a year and a half where there weren't lice brought along. We've had to give up overnight visits to the cousins (we're really tight) because of them...but, you know, those children are worth it.

I don't know if Wookie will be able to do it. I'll not pressure him one way or the other for contact or no...but I'll miss them. They fit with me. Their mother doesn't...not in any way, shape or form, but these kids....I don't see how they came about...I rarely think of their origins. They are PEOPLE. I cannot look at them and see anything but little people who do nothing but love and need me.

Perhaps that's the difference between OW and me.

With much love and sadness tonight,
- Kimmy

Have you thought of contacting child protective services about the lice? They must be living in squallor. It would be for the children's benefit and since you will not be able to look after them, at least someone else will. If they're taken from the home, you may be able to continue their care. It would be better than strangers

Jph,

Cps contacted multiple times. Not only by us...but the most recent one was last week. CPS only tells OW to clean the house and clean the kids. THAT'S IT.

I've a notebook full of lice (taped to sheets with dates of OC's visits). CPS has yet to glance at it.

- Kimmy

Sounds like time to contact your state representative or editor of the newspaper. They're not doing their job and will only step up to the plate if light is shown on their incompetence. Start writing letters and send copies to CPS. Then they'll start doing their job.

Oh Kimmy, I just don't know what to say. I am so very sorry, and I really, really hope he changes his mind. For those babies sake.

(((((Kimmy)))))

*I replied to you on Gray's thread too. Really have no idea what to say.

Kimmy,

I don't have any advice either, but I am thinking about you and yours tonight. I'm so sorry it has come to this.

FIM

>really hope he changes his mind.

I cannot say that it isn't for the best RIGHT NOW. See, I've not been posting about it, but OW has been a total biotch lately. She's called him and me mercilessly (sp?), trying to stir up trouble...and when we go pick up or drop off the kids has nothing to say but negative things....she accused me of dressing the kids to WHITE?!?! If I breathe in front of her, it's too much for her to bear.

So, we've taken a page from KT's book (off of PG boards). We can't change her. But we can change how we react to her. The harder she makes it on us...well, then I guess we'll take ourselves out of the picture. Lord knows, she relies heavily on us every other week to keep the kids for 5-6 days while she parties.

For now, according to the LAW (no matter how sucky it is), they are under her control. I've a feeling the next boyfriend she gets, and MY kids will be back at my house toot-sweet!

- Kimmy

FIM - did you get to come into SAT? If you haven't, email me. I need a girlfriend, if you don't mind the task, and I've a mind to push some little tart off the Paseo de Rio just because! ;-)

Okay, then we will pray that this is the ticket.

Kimmy -

I know just how you feel. My kids' mom kept us in a contant uproar for years. It was always something. We bailed her out too many times to mention. We paid for apartment security deposits, money to get the electric and water turned back on, bought her 2 cars. But you know what? There was just no rescuing the kids. It became a way of life for her.

We kept the girls for the last 5 summers so mom could "get on her feet". She kept the welfare money and food stamps to have huge barbecues. In fact the last summer we kept them, she managed to get pregnant with another one.

The last court fight was what started the problems in our marriage.

So no matter how much you love them, there is little you can do to help them as long as their mom is in the picture.

I know you're right, hon.

I've a feeling Nio (Wookie) is right, too.

I hate it with all my being, tho. THEY are better than that. They are WORTH more than that. They have the POTENTIAL!

The thought of these two kids ending up...well, we all know, right. It's on the news every night.

[quote
I don't know if Wookie will be able to do it. I'll not pressure him one way or the other for contact or no...but I'll miss them. They fit with me. Their mother doesn't...not in any way, shape or form, but these kids....I don't see how they came about...I rarely think of their origins. They are PEOPLE. I cannot look at them and see anything but little people who do nothing but love and need me.

[/quote]

Kimmy:

You and your Husband do what you feel you need to do, but I know this ISN'T the first time your H has proposed doing the NC thing. Shifting in and out of these kids life's time and time again is going to be crippling for them. Clearly YOU ARE ALL THEY HAVE IN this life.

No matter what anyone says about a crazy OW, or what Steve Harley says, or whatever, I will never understand how a man could bond with his children the way your H ALREADY has and then do NC with them. I will NEVER understand this.

I will never understand it. To be honest I am f-ing seething in anger right now, absolutely seething and I don't know at what, or exactly why. It surely is not at you. I don't quite understand it, because I have no experience in any way, shape, or form with an OC, etc.. yet I feel so sad now. Don't anyone here dare tell me that I am not allowed to have an opinion about this or feel a certain way about this...because that is also BS. I consider myself an extremely capable and intellignet man, and I know that I will never grasp this "concept" and what your H has decided to do.

I don't walk in your F?WH's shoes, so I will "can it" from here. I honestly just shake my head in sadness. I am saying a prayer right now thanking God for not having me put MYSELF ever in this position.

I feel for you tonight. You are a good and honest and compassionate woman. Your heart is what is "right" in this world.

I really have fear that it is YOU who will struggle the most with this.

Sour............. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh Lemonman. Oh. You don't know how much....oh.

I am weeping. I am torn. I just put those sweet children to bed for the last time...I think...for the last time as far as I know. Do you all kiss your babies goodnight thinking "this might be the last time I do this?"

Really. Truly. This is the last time I might do this. Do you all know how much OC2 yo FITS into me? Do you all know how a child not born to you could FIT into your arms so perfectly that there are no seams?

OC#2....he was...scarred already when he came to me. He was a child born to an alcoholic mother. He had issues looking a person in the eye. He loved his father, because males in his life were few and far between...do you know he wouldn't look me in the eye and coo till recently? Today he called me "mommy." His hair smells so perfect. His soft spot is still there for my kisses.

To abandon them to her...because SHE has made it so hard for us...this is HER plan..it's like a knife to me. I would give my right arm that she was kind and easy going in this. But she must say and do horrible things to inflict what she thinks it just because he wouldn't choose her over my family. What she never understood is that HIS family is MY family...no matter how the begats happened.

>YOU who will struggle the most with this.

Yeah, Lemonsweetheart. I've read too much in my youth. I've a warped sense of what is right and kind in the world to not hurt for my babies. Again, in a JUST and KIND world all DNA would point to me other than the two infidels. (smile)

My own blood of my flesh need me, too. Perhaps more now. They (all - including the one NOT related to the two) will need a consistant love through all this. DD that just turned 9 will have a hard time. She and DD OC2 yo spent today (their last day for right now) playing dress up and fixing hair. I love those girls.

I love my boys.

There is a lesson here. Maybe someday I'll understand it.

Till then, God grants me serenity. Somedays, I even get some insight.

Kimmy -

I used to feel like LM, that we were the only ones the children had. And we did the best we could for 13 years. But what people don't realize in these cases there is a filter between you and the kids. That filter is their mother.

No matter how much money she got from welfare, food stamps, and us, it didn't get down to the kids. We bought them clothes, bikes, beds - which were all lost over and over when she got evicted. She didn't even bother to take the things out of the house.

And you ever see a refrigerator that was bare? I used to check it when we picked up the kids. There was NOTHING in it - no left overs, no catsup, not even a shriveled up onion. Food for the kids was not one of her priorities.

So you might say, go to the store and buy some food. I used to do that. I still remember bringing the groceries over, and one of mom's "friends" who had been sleeping on the couch for about 3 months, suddenly woke up and made himself a sandwich.

And this woman had been turned in to CPS over and over. Not only by me, but by neighbors.

The bottom line is that some people look at their children as little sources of income. I know in our case, when she no longer could collect money for them, the oldest two were out on the street, at 14 and 15.

We even tried to save them then. But by that time, they wouldn't go to school, were running with gangs, and didn't want any rules.

My mantra is when a parent doesn't care for, and protect their child, the child should be removed from the home. It does no good to try to help the parent. It is necessary to help the child. But our whole system is set up to protect parental "rights".

OMG Believer. My babies.

What can I do??? I am JUST the step mom. I can do NOTHING. I know you know how this feels. I am a woman with hands tied...that WANTS to help. I can do nothing.

You know Believer, this point isn't even the crux of my angst over all of this. My issue is that the FATHER of these 2 seemingly beautiful children, has ingratitaed himself and kimmy in their lives, he has let them depend on him and now he is gonna give the children what they need most in life now right..........NO CONTACT.....irregardless of what anyone says....HE IS THEIR FATHER and owes his loyalties and duties to protect those children JUST as much as he would for his other children with Kimmy.

I know no one ever really wants to admit it, but there is most definitely an undertone on "other" sections of the board that the OC are innocnent, but so what, the OW chose this.....those are the breaks, what about my children?. Well, I am know I am gonna take a hell off a lot of flack for this statemement here, but I will say it: Anyman who would knowingly abandon his flesh and blood especially after ALREDAY bonding with them is indeed NO MAN. This is the kind of man I would love to meet in a dark alley with noone around. Kimmy please don't think I am meaning to hurt you here and I am trying desperately to stop posting,

I am gonna take 30 mg of Ambien and sleep till wednesday night now so I stop posting here.


Sour <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think the best thing you can do is bide your time. I did that for a lot of years. Strengthen your marriage. In my case, I never lost contact with the children, I was just powerless to really change their lives.

Then in July, 4 years ago, I found out that the 2 year old's father wanted custody. The boy was a product of a ONS. The father and his wife have a beautiful home and were devoted to the boy. That was all it took for me to show up at court.

This one child was snatched from his miserable life, only by the grace of God.

You must continue to be strong, and watch what happens. Chances are good that mom may decide that it is worth getting along, just to have somewhere to dump the kids. Only time will tell.

.I think the best thing you can do is bide your time.

Me too. But it sucks hot air balloons.

I love these kids. They love me. I am their goddess (like my loin bred children regard me.). How wrong or right is that?!?!

I sung them to sleep tonight. I will ache for them tomorrow...like I do when they are not put to bed here.

>.I am gonna take 30 mg of Ambien and sleep till wednesday night now so I stop posting here

I'm sorry Lemon. We really are trying our best. Sometimes our best sucks like a hoover. Wookie is hurting more than I've seen him hurt for a long time. His ache scares me.

I could never be as selfish as to ask you to give me sorrow for "my pain".

Go be with your hubby, and hold him, because if he does this then he will need alot of "holding" in the very near and far future. I can only assume that your H is dead serious on making this a long and forever NC issue with the children and NOT as some f-ing ply to gte back at the psycho OW. If your H just "changes his mind" AGAIN next week and wants them home, I am going to honestly ask you to give me his phone number so I can have a word about it with him. That is how strongly I fel about this. I need to have this ambien kick in NOW, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Blesses and wishes.

LM