And what do I do next? I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I know I wanted this to be done and over with but, now that it is I feel so empty.

I've been going to see an IC and he said's I need to take better care of myself now but, I don't know exactly where to begin.

I wish I could just get my STBX out of my heart. I see him and I can't help but see the man that swept me off my feet.

Then I remember what a horrible person he really is and it makes me feel sick to my stomach that I can still be in love with him.

I keep thinking, today's the first day of the rest of my life and then I think what am I suppose to do with it.

I'm Sorry, I know I'm babbling but, I just needed to vent a little it's been a very long day.

The last few months have felt like on a roller coaster ride, lots of ups and downs, more downs then ups and now I just feel exhausted.

I don't sleep, I hardly eat (which hasn't been totally terrible. I'm back into a size 6, one good thing that has come from all this).

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

Only

I am glad and sad at the same time for you!!! Glad that you are to this point and the end is in sight. Sad as you had seen things to be one way in your life at this time and they are not, that's hard.

Yes it is hard to get your stbxh out of your heart. This was the man that you gave everything to, the one that was to be forever. Well the picture changed, now you must put it aside and move on. Can you turn off the love that you have for your husband? No! Do you have to love the man that he is today? No!!!

Today is a new beginning for you. Start with a list, a list of things to do for your self, be selfish put everything on the list even the outrageous stuff. Put it away for a day or two and look at it again and pick out five things that you could do in the next week and do them!!! Cross them off your list as they are done, then pick one or two a week to do. If simple things like a manicure. If you put checks by them as they are down, it looks like you have accomplished something. Add new things to the list don't just cross stuff off.

My daughter and I do a list at the beginning of summer each year with the chores and the fun stuff to be done and we mark them off as they get done, this way we have a visual of where we are going through the summer. I'd really like to get the house painted marked off, but I am cheap and it means doing it ourselves. Maybe a BYOB party Bring your Own Brush!!!!

Only, hope these will help you get thru, it's a ok to have a pity party, just do stay out to late!!!!

Dawn

It is the first day of the rest of your life... And you can do anything you want with it! That's pretty exciting isn't it? Sure its a bit scary starting over. I too had a crash after signing the documents... and felt very similar to how you describe. It is probably very natural. But since then I have definitely discovered some of the positives.

Now its time for you to start looking at the positive side of your new found freedom. The glass can be half full or half empty, it depends upon how you look at it. Start looking at it half full and you will start feeling better. Are there things that you've always wanted to do, but never had the courage before? Go for it! What do you have to lose? Start focusing on yourself and people close to you instead of thinking about your XH and things will naturally come around.

You are still a young woman with a whole life in front of her... go live it!

Cheers,

Miker

Thank you both for your support and kind words, I really appreciate it. It's been a very long and exhausting day but, I made it through. I plan on taking it one day at a time and maybe someday soon I won't hurt so much.

Day, I love your idea about making a list it sounds perfect. I'm going to sit down in a little while and work on it. I'm going to take your advise and write down all the things I want to do for myself, even the outrageous ones..LOL!

BTW, a BYOB sounds like a great idea!

Miker, you too are correct, I can do anything I want and, it is very exciting if you stop to think about it. I will take your advise also to start looking at the positive things in my life.

You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for your support, kind words and great advise.

Only

You are welcome!!! Support is what MB is all about!!!

Your days and your life are only as good as you make them, someone else doesn't make them for you, they made to them but not make them. And yes it is one day at a time, I have a coin that I carry in my pocket along with a small rook, the coin says "one day at a time" and the rock is to remind me that I am unique and there is only one of me and that is why I am loved.

Have a great Tuesday.

Dawn

You're welcome.

The hurt does diminish. Just try to be patient with yourself and your healing. You will eventually get there.

This has all happened really fast in your case. DDay beginning of April and Divorce by the end. Wow! I don't doubt your head is left spinning. Its time to slow things down and figure out what you want in life now.

Your heart will eventually heal. I think that was the toughest part for me too... I had never had my heart broken before and my WW absolutely crushed it to bits. Someday I hope it will open again to someone... but it no longer belongs to WW...

Be strong and live life for yourself! You're a survivor.

Cheers,

Miker

Hey guys:

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but, I've been having a little trouble with my computer.

Thank you both for all your support I'm feeling a little better now and I'm trying real hard to get on with my life.

Dawn, I took your advise and started a list. I'm trying to do something just for me everyday.

I also found a little charm that says, Someone Special that one of my friends gave me a long time ago. I'm wearing it all the time now and when I look in the mirror and see it or when I'm feeling sad it reminds me that yes, I am someone special.

Miker, as you suggested, I'm trying to slow down and figure out my life. I'm also trying to be patient with myself but, it's been very hard. I keep playing the what if game, you know what I mean, what if I had never met him, what if I had been a stronger person...etc. etc...

Well, hope you have a great weekend.

Only

OnlyOneMe....I feel your pain. I have had the same thoughts. I wonder how it will be when I'm finally divorced. I'm scraed, happy, sad....you name it!
I saw my STBX last night in the grocery store...it was so strange. There stood the man that I've loved most of my life. We didn't even look at each other. I could tell he was nervous. I just kept looking straight ahead and nver made eye contact. I wanted to break down in tears right there. I then dreamed that we were together last night and he was tickling me and we were laughing. I was sad when I got up this morning. How do we ever heal from this? Just know that all of us here know how you feel and we're here for you to vent to anytime. Things have to work out for all of us. There's no where else to go but up now. :-)