I guess I did the right thing....

Do you have friends?

If not do you want to make friends?

LZ, fill us in on your story.

Welcome to MB by the way. It's a great place for when you're lonely.

My point was if you had friends you hould lean on them.
Go out, have a guys/girls night out.

If you need friends, make some heh. Church, classes like cooking, karate etc, hobbies like the gym are great places to find some peps who share similar interests to you.

Just cause you are single doesn't mean you need to stop interacting with humanity.

Fill your companionship void if that is what it is with friends.

And later on, maybe much later on, go out on a date and maybe fill it with another.

I'm going to offer you a different perspective, LZ. You are feeling exactly what you should be feeling right now. A big hole has opened in your life, so you are bound to feel lonely, angry, hurt, profoundly sad, etc. This is all normal and even healthy. Many people are going to suggest to you that you "get back out there," turn to your friends, get out of yourself, etc. I would suggest that right now you do just the opposite. You need to get into yourself. Now is the perfect time for honest introspection. You must allow yourself to go through the healing process and experience and deal with the jumble of emotions you are feeling. They can't be escaped and running from them by filling your life with activities, friends, sex will only prolong the amount of time you need to heal.. So allow yourself to experience them. This doesn't mean that you must completely withdraw from life, but you do need to spend a significant amount of time aalone in quiet reflection. As time passes, you will naturally desire to start reengaging, but will do so for all the right reasons. How long will this take? Only you will know that when you find out for yourself.

One caution about friends. they may not be as helpful and supportive as you may expect. Oh they'll be supportive at first, but then they will probably withdraw a bit. They aren't being fickle, but the truth is that someone else's divorce scares the hell out of married people. It's a case of "there but for the grace of God..." and they want to keep such possibilities at some distance. Singles, who have never been married, simply are not equiped to understand what you are going through. They may have broken up with a BF/GF before, but they don't understand that the demise of a marriage is quite a different experience. Other divorced people can be quite useful as long as your interaction with them doesn't focus only on the negative aspects of your experience. Some people just won't let go of their anger and bitterness, even years after they have divorced. These people can be very toxic.

You've heard the old saying that when you're handed lemons, make lemonaide. That may sound just a bit trite and meaningless to you just now and that's quite alright. But don't loose site of it. You really do have a valuable opportunity to grow and become stronger.

CheckUrHeart,

Isn't that the truth? I've learned this the very hard way. The minute, I tried to seek support from friends (mainly girlfriends), they withdrew very much and became very protective of their own husbands. As if I were interested in stealing their's since I had problems with my husband.

I have to say that I've become very close with myself throughout all of this and very independent. I actually started liking myself and doing things for myself and this has helped with the recovery of my marriage. I don't know if were are really going to make it all the way, but the lessons that I've learned through this are invaluable. I'm a stronger and better person now.





<<One caution about friends. they may not be as helpful and supportive as you may expect. Oh they'll be supportive at first, but then they will probably withdraw a bit. They aren't being fickle, but the truth is that someone else's divorce scares the hell out of married people. It's a case of "there but for the grace of God..." and they want to keep such possibilities at some distance.>>

I'm also going to fully agree with the friends comments. When going through tragedy in your life, you cannot depend on anyone fully except for yourself and God. Friends and family sometimes will turn their backs on you. They feel like the divorce plague that you are carrying will rub off on them. Thank God for sites like this one, this is the most support that I get by reading these posts than any person in my life can supply.

Ummm.... Ladies and Gentlemen, it's really hard to suggest that Learning Zone retreat into himself or seek out support since we know zero except he has filed and is feeling lonely. In fact, we don't whether LZ is a man or a woman.

We need to use caution in suggesting courses of action, especially when we don't know the circumstances. For example, if LZ is susceptible to depression, retreating inward is a dangerous course.

Greengables, you make a good point. I would hope that LZ understand that I was only offering a perspective from my own experience and that s/he not accept any advice he gets anywhere without considering it within the context of his own struggle and make choices that are good for him/her.

Introspection can be either a good or a bad thing for someone depressed, but not necessarily dangerous. It is often used in cognative therapy, since it can lead not only to possible causes for the disease, but also identify triggers as well as coping mechanisms. If he is prone to depression and going through a divorce, my advice would be to seek the assistance of a mental health professional.

Thank you for all the support I really appreciate everything. thank you so much and always thanks, I will keep you inform for more details on the process of my D,

Another quick question is it NORMAL to feel like I made big mistake for filing the divorce even though I know that there is NO more chance to reconcile? Please let me know thanks, I hope I am not the only one in this room feeling this way.

Absolutely not. Your feeling is perfectly normal, and not that unusual.