Well, the process has begun, we are officially seperating. We've put the notice on the home we've been renting, we will be out of here at the end of August. I will be moving back to my home town and he will be moving to the city that he works from. He's currently working out of town for a week and in town for a week.

It's fine, I'm sad, but I'm ready to move on. We've only been married for two months when it came crashing down. My councelor thinks that he's having some severe mental issues with stress and depression and that's why he's closing out so fast and so hard. After knowing him for five years this really is another side to him, he's just so broken. It's my time to leave and take care of myself now. I've tried to be there for him, to support him, but he keeps telling me that we are over. Issues or not, he's forcefully closing the door on me.

Anyways, just looking for some support. I'm scared to get back out there and date, buy a home of my own and get a new job, so many changes in such a short time. I was expecting to be adjusting to married life right now, not learning to live on my own again.

Life is hard, I just pray that my knight doesn't take too long trying to find me.

I am no marriage counselor, but the only advice I can offer you is what I have learned.

I learned more about myself and what I truly want out of a marriage. When I was younger I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought things like sex were superficial for example. Yes sex was nice but I could live without it in a marriage as long as other things were good...WRONG! That is my example of course, but maybe you have things you kow you cannot live without because they are emotioanl needs.

I have also become a better man.

But it is through pain and sometimes even failure that we grow and become better people.

So my advice is learn from it. Take with you everything good and bad you have experienced. Look for those when you meet someone. I mean sure at first have fun, enjoy the dating thing. But when you are finally into someone enough to be worth your time, look for the qualities you liked, disliked, and make a decision based on some of these factors.

As for the immediate now why don't you do something you have always wanted to do? That is what I am doing.
I am gonna see Europe before I come back home.

Single life aint hard. Once you get things straight (such as a place to live etc) it is pretty easy. Of course kids throw a huge wrinkle in all things but if you don't have them and are getting divorced count yourself blessed that you can get another start in your life without having to drag children through the divorce. If you do have kids focus on them, but also on yourself. Routine will take over and security will ensue, which will clam the waters somewhat.

New -

For that very reason (so many changes in a short time {married/separated, moving, job, etc.} I think most here would recommend that you NOT "get back out there and date" immediately (or even anytime soon). Only you know what is a good time frame, but you've had to make a lot of adjustments in a relatively short time period and looking for or having a relationship (when you are still working through "stuff" yourself) could set you back in your progress. Get stuff settled, work on yourself first and foremost. JMHO, though.

Please keep posting here as you sort through things!

My wife believes she married me as a safty net. I had all the qualities she wanted...except she never really had the deep emotional connection. We connected deeply enough to have 2 children over a 14 year marriage (7&9). She believes that she can't live with me anymore because she's missing out on finding true love. She had an affair at work that I discovered 2 weeks ago & she ended it when confronted her with an e-mail i found. This forced her to tell me her feelings about us.

I love her and my family very much. I want to prove I can change & meet her needs. We are staying home from work
Wednesday to talk about it.

Can some one give me their thoughts on this? This is my 4th post with no response. Whats the secrete to starting a conversation?

Thank you everyone for your support. Yes, your right, it is way too soon to be dating. I guess that it just seems like soon enough I will be dating, compared to never doing it again if I were to stay married.

I have learned more about myself in the past month than I ever knew before. I am stronger than I could have ever imagined and I am more confident that I knew. My husband is a wonderful person and he is going through so much, but it's my time to take care of myself now. I loved every moment we shared together and hoped that we could grow through our marriage, but it's just not going to be.

I just want to trust again, beleive that when a man says he loves me forever, that he actually loves me forever.

I guess it's just that I've already gone through the living on my own stage and doing my own thing stage, not very long ago, so I'm not thrilled to be doing that again. We met a realitively short time ago, five years, so before that I was a swinging single, or something like that. It just doesn't seem like I was even off the market for long enough to come back. Does that make sense? I'm scared of being hurt, even before my marriage breakdown I've been hurt, so it's going to be a struggle finding someone that won't hurt me again, or rather finding the trust in myself that I can possibly stand the chance.

We have no kids and I guess that's why I want to date sooner than later. I'm nearly thirty and want so dearly to have a family. I know that I have lots of time left, but the longer I don't date the longer the process takes. I'm just anxious to get on with my life, which includes being married and having a family, I'd be horribly dissapointed if I didn't get that chance.

sjcc,
you need to start a new thread, over in Just Found Out, and put a big "HELP!" in the subject...

People responding to you in this thread (as I am doing) would be hijacking the original posters intent, which is generally frowned upon.

I want you to get the help you need, hence the temporary hijack and the asking of forgiveness from OP...

I know how you feel in alot of ways. I've been off the market for 5 years too, so I kind of remember how it feels to be single. When I did get married one of the best feelings was realizing that I wouldn't have to be single again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It is really surreal in alot of ways. I feel like my marriage of 3 years was a speed bump more then anything. I'm starting to feel more like I did 5 years ago and in a "single" mindset, albeit older. I tell myself it could be worse, as I could have kids etc. I have lost time which is extremely valuable to me at this point in my life.

What you have to realize is that you will learn from this experience. Like yourself, I’ve learned more about me and what I want in a relationship more then I ever could otherwise. I do believe that if we had not separated and moving towards divorce that it would have happened anyway. I really did need this experience to “wake up” and realize what it takes to have a successful marriage and what I need to do to be a successful husband. Unfortunately my current wife won’t be able to benefit from my learning, but future relationships will.

[color:"blue"]new [/color] - Don't despair, I guarantee dating will fall into place for you in due time. I just wanted to caution you also, as MANY here will testify, that dating too soon will bring its own set of problems for you. Make sure your marriage is over (legally and emotionally) before you begin to put yourself "on the market" (so to speak!). If you date too soon, you might not only complicate your impending divorce (it's not over til its over) but endanger your emotions which are probably all over the place right now. And please pardon the following comment to sjcc <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] sjcc [/color] - I noticed you started a thread called "Big Day Coming" and people responded to you. Did you have a chance to read those? If you need help in learning how to start your own thread, email me at (deleted to keep me in witness protection program) and I'll help you. It's very easy, and there are people here who are glad to respond to those with questions/needs. Jaye is right, though, this is really New's thread focusing on her situation.

I am on the same boat, my H cried and said he could not live without me, how deeply he loved me. But after 2 weeks, he insisted on divorce, reject MC, force me move out, filed divorce paper in 10 days.... Finally I found he had a very very cold heart.

It is very difficult to find the other side of person. It seems it is too easy say "I love you" and "I am tired of our M".

susan- there is a fine line between love and hate, easily crossed.

Also, many men do not take rejection from a loved one well and if they are anything like me before marriage they bailed on a woman if she started getting crazy.
To me dealing with a woman who gave me a hard time just wasn't worth it, not with other fish in the sea who weren't crazy.

If your man felt rejected his natural response might have been to get the hell out. And sometimes you have to be a jerk in order to completely sever ties. Cause if you ar e nice she will think you are interested in coming back.

Not sayin it is right Susan just letting you know what the deal is often times. It has nothin to do with you and everything to do with him and his way of dealing with women and adversity with women.