I just wanted to know if its okay to ask my H who had the A to open up and tell his older brother?I only ask because i think he would get some advice that might help us.
See his brothers wife cheated on him and ended up leaving him for this other man.He did go thru hell.They don't even get along and only talk when its about the their kids.
I sometimes think maybe theres somethink he can tell my H let him know how i feel. What he can do to mak things even better?
My H and I are doing very well,but i still have triggers and i wonder if something else can help.Maybe he can tell my H things he wished happened to him. Things he wished were said.
Don't get me wrong my H has changed in so many ways. He has proven he made a mistake.We have found this love i never thought exsisted.I'm just worried maybe we are missing something.How can i be this happy after whats happened to me.

Thanks #1mom

If your H is not comfortable talking to his brother about this, please don't try to force him. I believe that would make it a selfish demand.

Perhaps instead the two of you could see a MC that specializes in As? You'd get direction and advice from an MC that you might not get from your BIL.

Cat

#1,

I think I know where you are coming from.

After Dday I found an article that described the terrible pain and agony a BS feels. It listed all kinds of things, low self esteem, the surreal feeling we get, the images and movies, etc, etc,..it really told it like it was.

I showed Geeze the article..and of course she cried and said how sorry she was. But I never have felt she had any idea what I felt and am still feeling.

My point being we BSs know that the WS does not understand what we are feeling and the depth of our hurt. And we somehow want and need to convey this to them.

They have been in the A for X number of months (or years) and they have resolved their feelings and want to get on with living. Until they walk a mile in our moccasins they will not have a clue of our nightmarish rollercoaster. We must resolve ourselves to this.

You are wanting your H to talk to his bro so his bro can let him know the pain. Do not force him to do this. He may not want his bro to know that he is a slimeball adulterer.

k

Krusht,
I think you are right when i told him i wanted him to tell his brother. He said what go to him and say the same thing your wife did to you i did to my wife.He is really sorry for what he has done. He proves it everyday not only in words but lots os actions.He don't want his brother to know he turned into this evil person for a while.
Thanks#1mom

I agree with not asking your H to talk to talk to his B. Especially since your H is already showing you in actions and words how much you mean to him. It would probably hurt your H relationship with his B if he knew and you don't want any other added stress.
grace