Last month I found out that my H had been talking to this girl through emails for about 6 months. When he came home on his R&R leave he went and met her. I found out like a week later and confronted him (through emails, he is in Iraq) He said he hasnt had any contact with her emails, phone, letters or on AOL. When i found out i printed the emails out but then i found myself look at them everyday and crying wondering why this happened. Finally about a week ago i just wripped them up and threw them away. Its been a month since this happened and i know its still pretty fresh, i've forgiven him but i just want to know will the forgetting get easier? I know it wont ever go away but will it eventually be easier for me to stop and look back at what happened?
I have consueling availiable when I get back home to the military base, which i am going to use.

Ronaile- After the two week temporary duty my husband was on in which he cheated, the woman (another military member) started emailing him from their unit contact list. I printed out and kept all the emails too- I still have them hidden away. I looked at them all the time at first, but havent in a long time now. I blocked her as a sender and then changed the password on one of his accounts so he couldnt get the emails and I emailed her back. Told her that women like her gave all women in the military a bad name- she told me she wouldnt stop until she got what she wanted which happened to be my husband- I was literally shaking as I sent back replys to her psycho, stalking emails. I told her she had done enough damage to our family and she needed to leave us alone to get through this- told her he was not going anywhere, we were working it out and to back off because she did not know who she was f...ing with.
He totally backed me on this and he even sent me a super long email about how he had never been more sorry for anything in his life, he had a lifetime of examples that showed how infidelity had ruined peoples lives and how sorry he was that she was now causing all this extra turmoil.
THis all happened right after he came back and I knew right away I had to make the decision and forgive and try to work thru it or get out. I have forgiven, but definetly not forgotten. It will be a year next month and it has gotten better, but with all the distance, definetly still there. THe forgetting has gotten easier, but I dont know, I am not sure it could ever go away completely.
Did you get all the details about what happened from him? I did-every single detail, lots I probably didnt need to know, but it makes it easier knowing than having the picture that my imagination might create.

Again, good luck!!


By the way- how ironic is this- originally the babys due date was the date that all of this first occured. Lucky I am having a csection I could change that!!

Jessie,

He gave me all the details that I asked for. The ones that I wanted to know so I dont have a picture in my head thinking of what happened. Its not the hugging and kissing that borthers me as much as the emails. Bc i read the emails and printed them, and i found myself reading them until i through them away. He deleted all the emails from her and other girls' emails. (they were WAY before me) I hope all goes well with you and your husband and it sucks we are going through this on top of everything else. Take of the baby and good luck on your c-section. I had 2 they aint so bad!

PS that is just freaking rude that she is tryin to keep in contact with him. At least he is taking the step and telling her to stop all of it. Thats awesome and good on both of you. I told the girl that if she didnt stop contact with my husband she'd be sorry, but i'd never really do anything! Good luck

When you have checked his email did you ever find any more emails from her or did he set her straight that he wanted no contact? Had anything like this ever happened before he left for Iraq or only since he has been there?
I would never do anything either (I guess unless face to face and provoked-lol), but she had planned on taking a job close to our home and my husband said whatever I said to her made her change her mind so the empty "threat" worked to keep her away while we work things out. She also ended up transferring out of his unit soon after this happened.
Long road ahead but we can do this- it will be so much easier when they are home and we can do it together!!

I kept all copies of emails that I found even though there have not been any more. I have them hid and do not look at them anymore because it IS too painful to read the words. I guess keeping them will make it possible IF anything like this ever happens again, no way to erase it. It is there in black and white.

It has been nearly a month since I found out. In some ways it has become easier but there are those days I feel so hurt and angry. I hope that will pass with time. I guess it all depends on how we are treated and if they prove to us that they will do whatever it takes to never hurt us again.

Jessie and Maggie,

Nope there hasnt been any contact with her since i found out. NOTHING!!! She hasnt sent him any emails at all. He hasnt sent her any either. It just sucks that he is so far away and im not able to hear his voice. Thats what I miss the most right now. At least he was able to call once a week but since this there hasnt been a phone call not even an attempt. I am so happy that she transferred to a different unit, I am sure that makes you feel better. As for me Im glad it wasnt a military thing. I know there are so many girls over there and they just dont care. You know what I mean? Its like who cares if they have a wife and family to come to.
Im glad that I threw all the emails away. I've been doing so much better since those have been in the garbage and burned. Take care all and i hope to hear from you both soon <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)

A funny thing is that my husband is a commander and he sent me a copy of the memo they had to post about the sexual activity policy over there. They wrote a memo describing all of the sexual acts that were not allowed over there, it listed everything, and I mean every possible way of doing it- and then if that wasnt enough, ended with "no touching of one soldiers genitals to another" as if the other things listed did not explain enough. In another paragraph it listed where they were not allowed to do it, again it listed like 50 places- including foxholes, portable toilet facilities, portable showers, px, gym, theater, commisary, occupied buildings, abandoned buildings, rooftops, kitchens, ect... to name a few!! SOunds like this is a big problem, and my husband says it doesnt matter- married or single all are involved.
Doesnt that make you sick!! Females make up less than 20% of the forces over there, so obviously a lot who just don't care. And I am sure they know who is married and single, but just dont care. Just thought you guys might find that interesting-
I am glad that there has been no contact at all. That really shows his sincerity in wanting to make it work. I want to get rid of the emails - burn them whatever, I can't and don't want to read them again- like Maggie, but I still keep them hidden away (I guess to have it in black and white). The way we got along when he left, you would have never known anything like this had ever happened. I just wish he hadn't left so soon after, the reassurances in person would be nicer than through emails. Good luck guys and take care.

That is crazy that a memo has been sent out. See i knew there was more than just a few cases going on. I kept telling me people that it happens more than what people think, and at least our H feel like [censored] about it. I have heard that the females over there dont care bc they think the W will never find out. I am just glad that the military is seeing the concern over there before we know it the females and males will be on separte FOBs. That might be a good thing. Its just a terrible thing what is happening and that other people dont know what their husbands are doing. Terrible! Its so strange home after we find out that this thing is now being taken care of. Well take care and good luck having your baby!! Let me know!!!