Its been a month since i found out my H cheated on me. I know I am supposed to still feel hurt, angry, upset etc... There are days when I am completely fine and you would think nothing ever happened then others i find myself crying or just cant stop thinking what happened. I know i will never forget but when will this start to fade from my mind where I dont think about it all the time. I know its still soon probably. Im in IC right now and we will be in MC when he gets home in 4-5 months from iraq.

I'm in the same boat as you; will be 1 mo. since my d-day in 2 days. I've been told just take it day by day, take care of yourself (which is hard sometimes). I feel your pain--you can be having an ok day and then some comment or song or tv commercial just sets you off on crying jag or you obsess on images of the WS with the OP. Stick with the website, lots of folks who are in worse situations than I have made it and their strength is inspirational(and hopefully contagious!). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> No question is ridiculed and the support is tremendous. Sometimes it just helps to know you are not alone...............

Thank you, yes it is nice to know that Im not alone. usually i get set off by our wedding song when it comes on or just looking at a picture. i've been doing good, but i have one family member who has been calling me stupid for taking him back. everyone has skeltons in their closet, mine is just exposed. Most of my family is very supportive of my decision, i hope the same for you. This website is great, i think i'd almost be lost without it. It will be d-day for me in 2 days as well. Im glad i caught it the first time he seen her rather then having this go on alot further then what it could be, which might make it a little easier but i doubt it. I still love him and he loves me. I got a postitive outlook and have to stay strong not only for myself but our two children.

My family (except my sister) nor his know. His self-esteem is so damaged I don't think he could live with their disappointment on top of everything. It's a secret I'm coping with (at times it feels like he's "getting away with it"); he and OW are both military so any news to the boss would affect my life and my kids' as well. To those who don't support our decisions--would they throw away a family? Leaving and not trying to work on things may not be easier--who wouldn't want to take a chance that this may be the one thing that wakes you up and makes you look at how you and your marriage really have been--and the chance you could make things much better? My H says feels "empty" but I take comfort in knowing he is with me and the kids and we are in another state away from her (& in snooping have found no contact btwn them). It's still so new that I have to remember not to expect too much too soon.Stay strong but lean on the people here or the ones on www.affairs-help; they support those trying to make their Ms better. Take care! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mainly my parents and my brothers know. My husbands commander knows, but has decided to give him another chance at proving himself if not the next time he goes to jail. I did not want to get him in that much trouble but he knew before what trouble he could get into. I agree with what you said about not giving another chance. I feel that if i dont give him another chance then i will never know if he truely changed. If he changes and i didnt give him another chance them im kicking myself in the [censored] for it. If he doesnt then thats something for me to deal with. As for him changing I am very optimistic. He wrote in a letter to my parents:
Ronaile always gave and i always took that led me to believe and not to kill an old cliche "the grass is greener on the other side" turns out that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and on that side is my wife and kids. I have been the one on the other side for far far too long, not realizing that I have an amazing wife to come to every night. I know deep down he is trying to change, which is a great thing. After this we are going to be closer then we ever were before, it is gunna take a while but we will be. I have done my share of "snooping" through emails and other things to find that he has contacted OW either. Actually her father is retired from the military and told her to leave him alone let him be with his W and family. He knows the trouble he can get into. Another good thing is we live about 1500 miles from her. We live in GA and she is from Iowa. Right now i just have to start trusting him again even tho we have another 4-5 months before he is home for good. It will be a long hard road but I know I am up for the challenge. Thanks for your imput and you take care too! Best of luck to you :O)

Are your feelings normal?

Yes.


At times you are fine. At times you are not. That is called 'the rollercoaster' and I am sorry to say it will not be fun.

But rest assured what you are experiencing is normal... so you are not alone. Good job on the IC. And good idea on MC. Also, as a form of boundary for your husband, talk to him about seeing the chaplain on a regular basis until he gets back.

Also, brace yourself. Because when your H gets back and you have to see him everyday, it will likely change how you feel.(more bad rollercoaster moments) Be mindful of that and prepare.

Have you gotten any books? Surviving an Affair? Anything? Prepare yourself for when he gets back and you might be able to jumpstart a recovery. Also, has he committed to NC?

just some thoughts

I am preparing myself as I can for when he comes home. I know it is going to be tough but I know WE can do it. He has been talking to someone over there about this, not sure who because I have not talked to him in almost a month. No emails in about a week. I've told him that I will be so glad when he is home but prepare on what is going to happen. We have both talked about it, we are ready. Yes he has commited to NC with her. Also, his Sgts are helping him too and so is his commander.
I've talked about this before and I dont know if this is right or if im just weird. I am having a harder time with the fact of the emails he sent her. I seen them read them printed them but now they are in the garbage far away. I am seriously having a harder time bc i seen them and when i close my eyes i can still see them in my mind. Does that make sense? As for the PA its like i dont care about it, it isnt bothering me. When i read the email about what they did i didnt cry it didnt even seem to phase me one bit. I just dont know if im being naive about the whole thing or what.