Hi,
I have posted my situation here before and got some good advice.
My ww started an affair 5 weeks ago. After meeting om on a trip to Vegas with her girlfriend. We are trying to work it out. or should I say I am trying to work it out. I have taken all the first steps EN, counseling, NC letter ect.. she just is not responding to it. we were having a good week, last week, and making progress. On sunday she dissappeared until 3am. she causually walks in the house and starts bragging about closeing down a bar.

This is the story:
I was playing softball all day and invited her along (it's a family league she used to be involved in too). she declined and said she wanted to spend some time alone to think.OK. I spoke with her at 5pm when my games were done. She explained to me what she had done all day and said she was at a resturant eating. she was supposed to come home right after dinner and meet me there. She never showed up. she never returned my calls. I was worried sick. when she showed up at 3 am she acted as though there was nothing wrong with what she did. she asked me to come to bed and started to brag about her evening at the bar and all the cool people she met. This is how the affair started in the first place. Drinking at bars and partying all the time.She agreed before to stop this behavior, but she doesn't seem to be able too.She is a binge drinker. she goes aweek without drinking and then cuts loose on the weekend. It was cool at first, I even did it with her. but i saw it getting out of control so I stopped going out with her and her friends all the time. she took this a neglect and used it as an excuse for an affair.I am 35 not 21. she is 29 going on 19 years old.
what's so crazy is that she had no connection as to why i was so upset with her. she is supposed to earning my trust back and she does this!! She responded by saying she had no intention of staying out all night. HUH.
Well this was the last straw for me. I left and disappered without saying a word the next day.I just don't see any other way to get the point home with her. Grow up or it's over.It's only been 24 hours and of course I miss her and want her to call me. So far nothing. my plan is to stay gone and see if this registers with her at all that she is going to blow it.. If not I guess it's over. I have nothing left to give this woman.
When does this fog stage end, if ever? where do i go from here as far as reconcilation is concerned?. should I just divorce this person or allow more time for her to snap out of it?

I'm sorry kdh I don't remember your story very well, but it sounds VERRRRYY familiar. My wife is also 29 and is showing me the same sort of disrespect. It is very frustrating to deal with someone like that.

I don't think leaving is the right thing to do, unless you really want it to be over. Have you read up on plan A and B?

Oh boy. Well, I would suggest spending some good time reading about the concepts here (although admittedly I am not in full agreement) and reading the posts here. Your situation and someone who has "lived" it is undoubtedly here. Read, learn, then re-read and then ask questions.

While there are many reasons for affairs, yours seems to have some strong correaltion with alcohol. YOur WW will not probably respond to ulimtatums, and threats. If she continues to drink and do the all night binges, it won't matter much anyway. There can NOT be marriage reocvery with an active sustance abuser. I would seriously look at the impact that alcohol has had on her life and if she indeed has the ETOH problem that she seems to have. You can save yourself a lot of head banging pain if you address that issue first.

Sour.....

Thanks. I am not fully gone though. I am just leaving temperarily to send a message that I need her to start making an efort.Amd that it hurts when she does this stuff. she does not fully connect to the pain she is causing me. Maybe if I am not around to continously bail her out with my efforts then she will get it. Talking and reading aren't working. she has to work also.

Hello,

I am sorry but this is very bad. She has a sexual affair in Vegas and comes back and stays out until 3am bragging how she closed down the bar. You have forgive her for her affair and this is how she works to regain your trust. She does not see why you are angry? Clearly she does not get it. I suggest seeking out legal protection for yourself. Clearly it is a matter of time until this occurs again. I feel very sorry for you. I wish you luck.

Thanks, but don't feel sorry for me.Feel sorry for her, shes the one with the addiction to alcohol and partying, not me. I have come to the realization during my short seperation that I can do better than her anyway. Even being alone tops this.She thought that after 5 weeks I would drop my guard and she could run over me.I had such a caring loving wife. It just shocks me that she has turned out this way after 7 years(14 total). Even her family (6 sisters) and friends can't beleive what she is doing. she has now started to shut them out as well. She is digging her own grave here. I am willing to help her but I need to start thinking of me now.