I found out my WW had a one night stand during a vacation she took with her sister-in-law. (her sister-in-law doesn't know anything happened because she was passed out drunk in the hotel room). I have not been able to find much information on this topic. I'm really confused. Two years prior to this, my WW had an A with a co-worker. I applied the principles of MB and our marriage improved tremendously...or at least, that's what I thought.

I can't even begin to imagine why she did this, other than it was an 'opportunity' and that no harm would come from it because no one would find out. Her mistake was to contact the OM a month after it happened. Because I still checked in on what my WW was doing on occasion, I was able to find out.

The worst part of this whole thing are the lies. I had to have proof beyond a doubt in both cases before she would admit to anything. Including taking a video and me posing as her when I emailed the OM.

To this date, she tells me the reason she had the one night stand was because "she got caught in the moment". Prior to my interference (me posing as her), her emails stated that she had no intention of anything happening before it did..in other words, she did not pre-plan this. My WW tells me she has no idea why she allowed it to happen..or at least she still won't admit it. Because I've been emailing the OM for some time, I found out a few other things she's omitted from telling me....and she still won't confess to these little 'white lies' even though I told her I knew differently.

I've gone as far as setting up an email account in the OM's name and emailed my WW...just to find out what my WW's mindset is. She unknowingly confessed to me...thinking it was the OM...(and she told me she confessed to the OM.) However, I emailed her as recently as today...posing as the OM, and she told me she never got any response back from the OM!....Another LIE!

I understood why the first A happened (thanks to MB). However, I'm totally in the dark why it happened the 2nd time. I thought our marriage was doing very well.

I'd appreciate any insight from anyone on why people have one night stands. I also struggle every day wondering if I'll ever be able to trust my WW again. At what point do you just throw in the towel?

Well, two times she has now cheated on you (that you know of........undoubtedly there have been other daliances)..........IN MY BOOK, that speaks of a seriality to her actions. Fool me once....shame on me, fool me twice....shame on.......well you know the saying.....

What is it that you are asking for help with?

Sour....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I take it that her sister in law was her brother's wife. If so I would think her brother would like to know what his wife knew about it and probably what she was also doing on this trip!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Mr R,

This is a very grave indeed. Your W MAY have personal issues that are beyond the scope of MB to resolve. While I am not saying that your W may be bi-polar, it MAY be a possibility considering that people who suffer from it are known to engage in very risky behavior. You'd be wise to encourage her to seek IC [individual counseling] to get at the root of her behavior before it continues to destroy the two of you. If she scoffs at your suggestion for her to seek counseling, then you must make a choice as to whether or not you want to continue to live with a woman who has no self control and whom you will never be able to trust again.

TMCM