HI
I went to court this past Monday,and maintained custody of son,and will recieve a small amount of child support.
Ww left us about 3 months ago with om,and said she is not returning,and does not want to talk ,or hear from me,and the kids. She is a big mess,and is coached by her bf who went through all this already. It is tough to catch up financially,and summer is bad,but hopefully things will turn around. I know this is mb site,but I am thinking of fileing for divorce soon.

Steve! I've been away from the computer for about a month or so... But I've thought of you from time to time, wondering how things are going. I'm glad to see you are still posting here.

Congrats on the custody thing... good for you for sticking your guns.

I gotta go off to work in a few minutes, but I'll be back this evening. Hopefully we can shoot the sh*t for a bit.

J

Holyshit dude where have you been?! I swear to god mistersteve you have been on my mind for the past week, I've been wondering where you went.

MB site is ok with divorce as long as the person has tried everything they can to save the marriage or if you are a betrayed spouse.

Why do you think she doesn't want to hear from the kids again? Is it out of guilt or is it because she just doesn't want to deal with the pain she caused them or she just doesn't want to face their wrath? I'm thinking all three of them.

But anyways how have you been holding up?

[color:"blue"] [/color]
HI Ws is listening to every word om tells her. She works with him,sleeps with him on weekends,and will be moving in with him soon.She knows we did not do anything to chase her away. She left her family for om,and feels guilt,and does not want to hear from us,cause we are right.I have the Diamond here to secure,and protect it from them pawning it,and she only called twice in 2 months,cause her sisters told her too. She is all mixed up. I see no hope at saving this marriage. She said it was over 6 years ago,she just didnt have a loser bf to take her away.

My ww called her sister crying about the kids not wanting to have anything to do with her. It has been 3 months since she took off with om. She brought all this on to herself. She said she left me,and not the kids,but she left us all for om,and gave up all responsibilities of being a wife,and mother.
She didnt even want to pay child support,so I had to take her to court,and she would not help me on any of the rent that I am behind. The whole summer is ruined as far as family vacations,and trips,while she is running around with om. She wont give up on him,and looks like she will be moving in with him soon. She stills works with om,and gets rides from him. She cant face the hurt,and pain she caused us all,so she would rather shut us all out and erase some of her guilt.
She does not get it that she took off on the kids too. If I left,then she would have been telling everyone I deserted the family. The kids would rather have me here as the single parent anyway. She would have brought the om here quite a bit,and that would not be good for kids either. Can you explain what she is doing,or her next move might be. Should I file for divorce soon?

Steve... good to hear from you. Even better to read your posts and get the impression that you are handling this all so well.

Do the kids know how she feels? Maybe it would be a good idea for them to each write her a letter letting her know how they feel about what she has done... and what she is DOING. That would be one helluva zinger.

I didn't think she'd want to pay for child support and I'm really proud of you that you took her to court and she is legally required to face her obligations. The rent that you are behind on... is that since she left or before she left? If it was before, perhaps you could take her to small claims court and get a judgement in your favor.

And while the vacations for this summer might be ruined... well dude, from where I sit, the rest of your life looks a heck of a lot brighter. No matter what happens now... divorce or reconciliation... you have stood up for yourself, stood your ground and earned yourself a load of respect. You have taken the high ground morally and you can look at yourself in the mirror. Next year, you will have the BEST vacation EVER!!!

I'm so glad that you did not leave. Let her float in her guilt and shame. It will sink in eventually. Sounds like it's already starting to. At this point, my friend, time is on YOUR side.

Her next move... hmmmm... don't really know her, but I'd be on the look-out for something. Sounds like she's beginning to crack. It'd nice if she wanted to come back home, but I really hope that you will make sure she EARNS her way back into the home (you sure don't want to go back to the way things were before, do you?...)

As for the divorce... what's the hurry? If I were you, I'd wait at least a year. Better yet, let her file. Why should you pay for this... on the other hand, maybe wait till she moves in with OM. That'll look just GREAT to a judge and maybe you can have the child support adjusted since she will be sharing expenses with OM.

Anyway, glad to hear from you.

John

HI
Ww does not want to call kids,or have anything to do with us. We use her sister as messenger girl. She may be moving in with om soon. It has been 3 months since she deserted us. What do I do now? Do I keep waiting for her,or ask if she wants to talk about getting family back together again.
We are in big financial mess ,and falling behind on rent.

MisterSteve, I would plan on living your life without her. If she had any desire to meet the conditions in your Plan B letter, she would have done it. You don't want her back while she is still carrying on like an alley cat in heat, do you?

HI
I would set boundaries,and make sure we are all understood before she could return, but how can the marriage get fixed
if I dont try too communicate with her,and straighten things out? Dont you think we should try talking?

Steve, she has your letter and knows what she has to do to come back.

Steve, what makes you think she would have any interest in stopping her alley cat ways or in coming back? Is she calling you asking to come back?

[quote]Steve, what makes you think she would have any interest in stopping her alley cat ways or in coming back? Is she calling you asking to come back?

No she does not want anything to do with us. The om controls her every move.Should the kids write her letter ?
Maybe that will wake her up.Its been 3 months now.

I don't think you should talk to her. Not one word.

I think the idea of the kids sending her a letter would be a great idea.

As for the finances, did you get a fair judgement regarding child support? Or did you just agree to a very low amount?

Steve, for now, I think you should be very focused on making your life GREAT!!! Increase yourself, improve yourself, improve your life. Let news filter back to her slowly (this will happen automatically) about how well you are doing. Make sure you always look your best.

They say the best revenge is to live a good life. I don't know that I'd call it revenge, but the advice is sound.

When you start to do really well, it's going to throw her for a huge loop.

Please don't even be thinking about talking to her.

John

This is the purpose of plan B. Let her miss the family/you and hope she would return. You could find out if she would willing to ammend you and the family by working on M. You could you let her sister know what your term are ?. I agree with dewt, no direct contact.

What's happening and what's next ?. She is missing the family/you however time would tell if that would be enough for her to dump om.

Meanwhile keep doing what work for you now.

Harley is in the business of helping people falling in love again and staying in love. If she is willing ... you two could repair and make this M better than you ever had.

-rh-

Steve, do you imagine that you can "talk" your W out of being a serial cheater? Please understand that you cannot. You tried talking to her for years and it didn't work. Dewt and redhat are right, contact will do no good.

I am not calling her. I will ask the kids to write her a letter,and her sister will deliver.I only received a small amount in court,cause my daughter is 18,and does not qualify,but its not the amount,its full custody,and when she sees her pay stub every friday,she can look at the deduction as a sign of family abandonment.
Should I continue to wear my wedding band?

Only you can answer that but let me give you something to chew on. While your marriage may be on its last legs, legally speaking, it is not for you, emotionally speaking. Keeping your wedding band on reminds you of this. If I dare say so, you are here because there is still a part of you that wants your WW to come back and recommit to you, the marriage and the children. When the day does come that you are absolutely certain that you no longer love her or want to remain married to her, then you can remove your wedding band, for on that day you will have emotionally moved on with your life. It's your call though.

TMCM