I just recently found out that my Husband cheated again. I have been dealing with his cheating, affairs, etc. for over 6 years now. I though we were finally doing better. I was trying my very best to meet all of his needs. I have loved him with all of my heart and soul. I am very strongly against divorce, but I finally give up. He is not a loyal person. He will never be a loyal person. I can not take it anymore. I cried last night. It was so hard to lay on my bed and try to fall a sleep without his arm around me. In some ways I feel numb. I thought I could save our marriage and make us work, but I was wrong. I cry for my 3 beautiful children. This is so unfair to them. They are cheated out of so many things by all of this. Rene is the only man I have ever been with. It is so difficult to piture my life with out him. I never thought I would be a divorcee. It goes against everything in my body. My future feels so black and dark. I am ashamed to admit I can not even get it together for the sake of my kids. What is wrong with me. The idea of being alone without a Husband is extremely depressing. I love my kids they are amazing, but it is different then the companionship of a Husband. Why can I not get it together.

Hi Stormy...

Gosh...the hurt in your 'voice' just got next to me. And while I have never walked in your shoes, I am no stranger to pain and suffering.

It's a pretty dark storm cloud you are facing now, and I can hear the dispair and hopelessness in your words. The thought that just struck me to share with you was this: Divorce/adultery is like a dreaded disease...a cancer. And no doubt, many have succombed to it. But many, many people survive it. And thrive. And overcome it.

Right now...just focus on breathing...getting through the day and keeping your 'ship' from tipping over. You and your kids can survive this. Start focusing on a plan to get you through this. Draw close to people who can be an emotional support to you. YOUR state of mind will play a huge role in how your kids get through this.

I'm sure you have heard all the horror stories of families going through this, but there are great 'success' stories as well. Also want to suggest a book called "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb.

You will survive Stormy. You'll have some scars...you're going to hurt...cry...go through so many emotions...but don't give up.

YOU can be another "Lance Armstrong" and not only survive this,....but come out a winner. :-)

Hugs and prayers to you.

B4

Thank you and it even hurts to breathe. I do feel like all of my dreams and hopes are shattered. Even my dreams for my children and their future are not the way they are suupose to be. At day care they have Daddy day. He is moving to San Antonio about 3 hours away to be with her. So, he will not be able at all to be here for our kids they way that they need them. I do not get it. I have been so loyal to him. How can he not feel any loyalty to me or our kids.

I have to leave to go teach Summer School. I pray I do not break down in front of my students like this. Please pray for me and my children.

How old are your kids,if I may ask...and your and your husband?

oops...ok. I'll do that. :-) ((( hugs )))

stay focused. You can do this.

Stormy: Why are you doing this to yourself? Let go and move on.

Life is way too short to live in agony and a self imposed exile from feeling good.

Rediscover life, rediscover yourself.

Stormy, Three years ago I was where you are at today. Initially for the sake of my children and then for myself, I made a promise, each day I would do a little better than the day before, baby steps, and I kept that promise.. then decided to live as a good example (that one is tougher and sometimes I was not quite as good as I should have been but I kept striving for it) .....and now....I'm amazing! You will be too, (((Stormy))) Today baby steps, tomorrow ... is up to you but we are here for you.

Stormy,

I was where you are 1 1/2years ago. I had to have a friend come over the day my H filed for D because I literally COULD NOT function, could not breath, could only cry. I hated it when people said "you'll get through this" because even though I knew it was true, I DID NOT want to get through it. And I also didn't want to hear that "there will be a day when you don't cry, and then two days, and then a week. . ." But it's true. It does get easier, maybe because we get madder? I"m pi**ed as he** that my kids don't get their dad, but I have to be the best I can be for them.

I feel for you, so please know that you are not alone. Many of us here know EXACTLY what you are feeling, and the myriad of emotions you have now. Stay here, and talk to us, and let us help you.

CM

Stormy,

I know your hurting and nothing I can say will take away that pain your feeling.

But, I can give some words of advice that can help you gain control back of our life.

I know you don't want a divorce, and I know the last thing you want to do is file, but please do. Don't wait for him to do it. It will give you a sense of control over your own life.

In the course of years did you ever seperate or go to Plan B where you had no contact with him at all except for when it came to the kids? If not, there is a good possibility that is why he continued to cheat, he knew there were no real consequences for his choices, he could do what ever he wanted and you would still be there, you would remain the proverbial doormat.

Stop being that doormat, and take control of the situation, do this for you and for your kids, your kids don't need to see that daddy can treat mommy anyway he wants and it's okay, mommy will just take it. That doesn't teach them how to really love a person, it teaches them it's okay to abuse others.

Love has boundaries, saying yes, I love you, but I will not accept being treated like a nothing by someone that I love.

yes, I love you, but your behavior is not condusive to having an intimate relationship.

Even though I love you, it does not give you the right to continually hurt me and the kids this way.


Even though I love you, you are free to leave and be with this OW, but just know if you make that choice, there are consequences that go with it.

If things don't work out with her, you can't come running back to me without going to counseling, without rebuilding trust, without being tested for STD's, without proving to me
that you will be here and not do this again.

And you must also know, IF you choose to leave and go be with her, and it doesn't work out, I may not be here waiting
on you if decide you want to come back.

Ultimately it's his choice to leave or to stay, but let him know what the consequences of that decision are.

Not seeing the kids everyday, even IF things don't work out with her. Paying child support every month.

I don't know if you would be entitled to alimony or what your state laws are in respects to that, but you should find out because he may have to pay alimony as well, even if temporary if you've been a SAHM until you can earn enough to help support you and your kids.

So again, take control of the situation and start taking steps to allow him to face the consequences of his choices.

I am at home. I am off on Fridays in the Summer time. It is so quiet and lonely. I am trying to take baby steps. I feel like I can not function. It is so quiet and lonely. I have never lived alone without an adult roomate, family member, or for my HUsband. I have me children, but it is so completely different than also having my HUsband here. I wish I could forward three years into the future. I am not confidant I would feel any different, but I pray I am wrong. I am such a loyal person. I am never been with anyony else at all and I have never even pictured it. I feel so lost, lonely, and dark. The marriage is over with and we are getting a divorce. I am so pathetic. Why can't I just accept that and move on. I am 31. My children are 3 1/2, 2, and 1. I want and need to be strong for them and am failing.

Your not failing, your reaching out for help and thats the right thing to do, the baby steps are important, we crawl, we wobble, we walk.... post here, call your friends, hug your children.

I have nothing to add to this Stormy other than I am so sorry...

It will get better even though it doesn't seem like it can.

Take charge, it made things clear quick for me.

Once I decided I was doing it on my terms it was better.

The adultery, the running from your marriage was his choice, now it is your choice how to deal with it.

That gives you power, power I am sure you didn't think you had.

Strength

Clarity

It is your turn to take charge and decide what you want to do Stormy, not his, he made hs choices.

Be at peace sister

RBM

I just wish the intense sick depressing feelins were not so strong. I never thought I would be the kind of women who would not be happy on her own. I miss having that companion to do stuff with and fall a sleep next to. Even though that is the same person who lied, cheated, etc. repeatedly. I wish the bad memories could make me let go of the good ones. The horrible stuff is so horrible I should be happy without him, not the other way around.