I don't even know where to begin.

Like all of you, I've just been through H...it's been two years since I suspected WH was having an A. It took a year and half for the truth to come out, even though A ended last year and OW quit our business.

Here is my sticky situation.
A close friend of mine (who stuck around me throughout the whole ordeal) has revealed to me that she is having an A with her neighbour. It just started two weeks ago.
When she first approached me saying he kissed her, wanted more but she left. I told her exactly how I felt. Reminding her how the A affected me, my children, my family ect..and finally even WH. We are on the road to recovery completely. Still...I told her...it just wasn't worth it. She's married. He's married. They all have children in their teenage years. She's recently informed me that she is having PS with this guy. Furthermore, she continues to inform me about how she sits there talking with his wife, trying to help her (his wife is depressed) ect...
This friend of mine is a grand friend. I don't want to lose her...but I don't know what more I can say to her.
I am totally disgusted by the fact that she sits there having coffee with the OMW meanwhile she's banging her H!

She thinks she won't get caught...I told her...excuse me...the truth always comes out, look at my situation.

Any suggestions or advice?!

Thanks and much hugs,

To tell you the truth tell her you can't be around her if this is how she chooses to live.Shes knows what you went thru. Shes knows the pain it will cause.Your right the truth always comes out.Tell her it will bring up your past and you are doing good and you don't need any setbacks.
#1mom

You already know what you need to do. You need to tell OMW and your friends H. By sitting back and doing nothing you are enabling the A. Could your friend be so stupid (yes a very disrespectful judgement) to believe that you would condone her behavior and go along with it? Why would she tell you about this? Is she reaching out for your help to end this?

How would you feel about anonymously informing his wife? She may be a "grand" friend, but she isn't a good one....because her lack of ethics and compassion will come back to bite you one day. You can't truly be friends with someone you don't trust far enough to spit. And how can you trust someone who is capable of acting so callously and selfishly? Integrity, value, ethics are the virtues that make someone "grand". If you find it impossible to do what really needs to be done....and I do understand....try having this conversation with your friend:

Friend, I am so saddened by the events of your life, and this is so triggering for me, that I'm finding it very hard to spend time with you, even though I love you very much. Maybe because I do care so much, it's particularly difficult to watch you destroy your own integrity as well as dredge up painful memories and emotions for me. I simply cannot wrap my mind around how you could care for me so lovingly while the tragedy of infidelity was played out in my marriage, and then turn around and create another tragedy??? Look at the destruction this caused in my life, and the pain it caused my children. Is your need for selfish sexual gratification really worth the risk of recreating the same results, or the corruption of your own character? I value your friendship. I can't imagine not being able to see you. But I cannot see you until you begin to act ethically again. Please come back when you can.

Pureangel, I grieve with you over this because I was recently in your shoes so I know how you feel. I did not tell my friend's H but he did find out fairly quickly. [i was in the process of gathering the evidence to tell him]

I agree with Starfish 100% about the trust factor.

Her affair has completely changed my attitude towards her because if she would betray her H, I know she would betray me if it were convenient. Frankly, I don't want a friend like that and no longer speak to her. I basically told her what Starfish so eloquently stated.

Pureangel, I am so sorry that you have been put into this situation by your friend. As you probably know from reading on this board, affairs are an addiction. By continuing to be a friend and listening and supporting (yes, you are supporting) her, you are ENABLING the addiction.

Whether or not you tell the OMW, I would advise you to disconnect yourself from your friend while she is doing this. You may choose to keep it permanent, who knows. But don't be someone she can come and talk to about it. She isn't listening to you tell her it's wrong, she is just using you and it will get worse as her addiction gets worse. I'm sure you and your H do not need that kind of drama in your life with your recovery!


What you decided to do, of course, is entirely up to you. I just wanted to bring one other point of view. May you find peace.

The more I think about it, the more I really am not impressed with her behaviour. I can now see up front (aside from my WH) how people who are in A are very selfish. She hasn't even thought for a second about my thoughts on her A.

The letter is great...I will send it out for sure via wmail

Thank you...