Just a vent...

I found a picture of the OW with my neice. Apparently my STBX is taking all the kids and his family out with the OW. (Don't ask how I got the photo :-) )
This really upsets me. I feel like I'm being replaced by everyone. I don't know how he can justify having this woman around all of his neices. I think that is morally worng and shows no respect. I guess it also hurt me to see them smiling like they are having a wonderful time. I just don't know how people can be so cruel. How do I let go and get past all of this? I feel so alone and lost at times. I feel so unloved!
It's been almost a year since my STBX left. I feel ready to date. I miss haivng someone to talk with and spend time with. God...I hate this....

Hey! Tell me about it. Two days after WH moved out of here, he had his kids over to dinner with him and OW. He seemed to think all you had to do is plant a new fanny in the chair next to him, and she would be embraced by all.

I too have the feeling of "being replaced by everyone." But feelings are just feelings, and they can be deceptive. After all, you wouldn't except your niece to scowl into the camera, would you? You don't know what people are feeling, you don't know what people are thinking. I have some knowledge of what my stepkids are thinking now ... and STBX is seriously deluded.

This is an enormous game of patience. In my case, it's lasted over two years. You really have to trust that laws are laws, and that what goes around comes around. And that good old Calvinistic phrase, "God is not mocked."

I don't know what your story is, but the sitch here appears to be coming unglued...or rather, more unglued, because to my eye it was becoming unglued some time ago. By the time it does, I'll be long out of it. You will be, too. So there won't be any kind of "vengeance" (and some parts of us would love vengeance) because the person who survives this won't be the person who wrote your post. You won't be attached to the situation anymore.

Hey Tree,

I posted earlier but I it looks like it didn't post, so let's try it again.

I know exactly how you feel. I see pics that my ex sends to her friends and family of her new "family". It hurts because I see my son smiling and laughing, all he knows is that people are playing and having fun with him.

I don't understand how people can look at those pics and think "Gee, what a great couple", or whatever nonsense they think to make themselves look past the pain that was caused.

It's been about the same amount of time since my ex left too, at times I feel ready, and at times I don't.

I'm still not sure how to let go, I just take it day by day.

Take Care
GDF

Tree,
I would regard it as a symptom of society and not anything personal. It really illustrates how clueless we are as a society about infidelity and the causes and effects of it. People really have no idea. I know that before I found myself in this situation, I had no clue. I just knew it was wrong and it wouldnt ever happen in my life. How wrong was I? I gave very little consideration to why it happens or the effects that it has on those involved in it either directly or indirectly. Just know that you have taken the high road and have maintained your dignity. I too, sometimes wish I could just move on and start a new relationship with someone that truly appreciates me. I have been told by others that I will only be alone for as long as I choose to be alone. It helps to hear that, but I still havent made that choice. I think you are in a similar situation. You will only be alone for as long as you wish it to be that way. Last night I spent the evening with my older brother, who has diabetes and isnt in the best of health. The thought crossed my mind that the time I have been spending with him is a blessing that I am very thankful for. I dont know if I would have been likely to spend the same amount of time with him, if my WW hadnt left.

AM Martin...
I know you're right. I'm sure in time none of this will matter to me but right now it hurts. I truly do believe what goes around comes around. :-)

Going Down Fighting...
I know that will be hard for me also...to see my son with him and OW. I don't even know how to handle that!!!
I wish you the best!

WasCrushedNTexas....Thank you for your post. It really opened my eyes. You are so right. If I was with someone right now I wouldn't have had all the time to spend with my son and family. I am very thankful for that. For the first time in this entire year I really feel ready to date and find someone specail. I'm a people person and want so badly to share my life with someone. I do enjoy my time alone but sometimes it's too much. I'm sure everyone here can relate to that!!!!

TR -

I had a similar revelation last week. I found out my WW drove her OMM to TX from CA to be with the family at their home for the 4th. The 4th was always a big holiday for her family with probably over a hundred friends and family gathering together for the day. What nerve she has!

I am hoping that both of us, one day, can look back at such occurances, chuckle a little, and shake our heads with a smile at our WS' idiotic behavior.


TM

Wow.....that is nerve! I'm sure that when our WS take the OP around the family they act all nice in front of them but when they leave they say awful things. I at least know my SIL's do that to my WS. I know there is someone out there for me and you too. We can only go up from here. :-)

Tree
I would consider it flattering.

You WH is trying to legitimise frenchie by saying " Look everyone ! She's nearly as good as tree ! See ! She can fill the great Tree's shoes ! ".

She can't, of course, but its actually quite flattering that you are their yardstick for acceptability.

Writing this BTW I was overwhelmed with a lack of charity for your WH and frenchie, I want nothing but their downfall. I have a real spiritual disquiet over them, like theres a posession with them or something else dark.

Sorry, WH is Cam's dad and I have no right to wish such on him without your sayso.

All blessings Trish. You have to take it as a sick complement.

{{{tree & C}}}

Tree,

My WXH family has been so wonderful to me and told me I'll always be part of the family.

My MIL hates even hearing the OW's name.

My in-laws have not seen my WH since April 2004 and miss him dearly but made it very clear to him that they disapprove of his situation. I just found out by accident that my in-laws and my brother in law, his wife and my baby niece will be going to Vegas to see him in October. They haven't told me about this trip yet.

I know they miss him, but I feel so angry. My problem is not his family seeing him, but seeing her, the idea of the OW might be joining them makes me sick and angry. Maybe she won't even join them, since my MIL and FIL can't stand her after lie after lie she told them and how she try to make me look bad in their eyes. She thought she could come in and replace me, but my in-laws are very smart and wise and saw through her. MY WXH he know the games she played and still with her.

The thoughts of OW touching my 18 month niece makes me so angry.

I guess its something we have to deal with cause we can't control them or their actions. If I feel angry of thought of my niece with my OW, I can't imagine what you are going through when its your own child.

Tree,
Bob's mention of Frenchie reminded me of a joke.........hope this doesnt offend anyone but here it goes anyway

Why do all the boulevards in Paris have trees alongside them?
Answer: Because the Nazis like to march in the shade.

Why are firecrackers outlawed in France?
Answer: Because everytime someone shoots them off the French army surrenders.

thats all!

bob....It's perfectly fine that you wish them misery.....so do I! LOL..
They will get what they deserve...actually my STBX is getting everything he deserves. I've been told that the OW is possesive and has anger issues. LOL...I think that's great! The OW is getting what she deserves as well. She's getting a man who will cheat on his wife. They can have each other! :-)

HopelesslyDevoted....
It is hard to think of my son being around this horrible woman. I have nightmares about it. My in-laws have basically disowned me and have become buddies with this OW. It just shows me what kind of people they are.

WasCrushedInTexas....I loved the jokes!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Tree, don't wish them ill. It's bad for you. I know what it's like. I know exactly what it's like. But don't. Schadenfreude is not your friend.

G
C

GC...I know you're right! It's just really hard at times not to wish them misery.
I am at the point right now where I just want this divorce over with. I'm so tired of dealing with all of it. I want to scream!!!!!
I want to date and move on with my life.