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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Hi everyone.Don't know what advice you can give me.I want to know how to stop going back.I know how very sorry my H is for what he has done. He is showing in everyway possible.All he wants to do is make me happy.Some people say i should not bring up what he has done.Yes he cheated he had an A he had sex with someone.As hes says he was an evil person at the time.I know what bringing this up does to him does to us. Yet i don't know how not too.I'm more in love than ever.How do i stop going back.
#1mom
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903 |
Is the problem that you are not assured he won't do it again in the future? If not, what plans can you both put in place to make it harder next time?
How often do you bring it up? I think for hte first 2 years it will come up often, how often? Up to you...I used to talk about it every day the first few months, then slacked off to once a week. Now 2 years past, I'll bring it up maybe once a month.
I don't think we'll ever know what REALLY coused it (many reasons) but striking it up to him being an evil person sounds like the cowards way out...like he had no control over his choices.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 30
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 30 |
Hi #1mom....I think with time it will get less and less as the trust begins to build again. I'm struggling with that myself but I know that there's no easy answer. I agree with the last response about having some kind of action plan to help reassure you that he won't stumble again. As far as him being asn"evil person" at the time......we are all sinners and have all screwed up. He just needs to say he screwed up and made a bad choice....he is still the same person he's just making way better choices.
I forgot to tell you how old I am yesterday....31
Grace
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Stillheremakingit,
No he is not taking the coward way out.He takes full reasonsability for what he has done.He had way to much going on in his life to see our M for what it really was.It also did'nt help this Ow which was a co worker was very pushy and i think put things in his head. That is all over now. He quit this job and he is home allthe time.Before he worked with overtime and went to school fulltime.That has all changed.He has became a better person.
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Grace,
My H knows he screwed up. He knows what he could of lost. It tears him up.He thanks god everyday i am still here.
#1mom
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 30
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 30 |
That is a good thing #1mom. It sounds like you both are working through things. How long has it been since D-day?
grace
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 252 |
Grace,
I found out on x-mas.Nice presdent huh. I found a reciept for a five dollar bear i did'nt get. I asked he said it must be in the car.I cryed he held me. I quess my reaction made him feel real bad. He was excepting me to kick hin out. He thought i would'nt care.But to find out i did care and i did love him made it worse on him.Right away it was over with her. He never loved her.I quess d-day was in dec 2005 but the whole truth came out in june of this yr.
#1mom
Me BW 31
Him FWH 30
Married 13yrs
D-day 12/04
NC right away
New job
Some set backs due to whole truth coming out over a few months.Other wise great first and only recovery.
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